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I'm still trying to wrap my head around that part of the story.
Her son married a single mother; she had a child from a previous relationship. Whether her son legally adopted the child or not, OP has taken on the grandmother role.
OP you put not just a high price tags on these gifts but a lot of energy and emotion into it as well. I can see why you are feeling taken advantage of; the gifts mean more to you than they appear to mean to the gift receiver. I might say something to your son, depending on the relationship between the two of you. Otherwise, I'd switch up how I did gifts. I'd just give a smaller obligatory gift and not give another thought about it. It seems like you've tried so hard to make your son's wife and her child feel like a part of your family but for them, money and gifts don't mean as much to them. Adjust accordingly.
Each holiday her Mother calls and says this is what she wants you to buy and I always oblige them. Last Christmas it was a x box infinity and Easter was clothing from Justice and the gift card for her birthday was a suggestion from the Mother. We have a pool so I try to invite her here at our home for quality time with us but she has never gotten close to us and refuses to come without her Mom. My husband was hurt in a mining accident in 08 and we received a lump sum payment for his injuries during the time she first came into our family and I guess we went overboard on showering them with gifts. We bought them a home, a car and many nice things. Even those gifts were given away or destroyed. I have told them on many occasions that we are not getting what we were use to before his accident but they still ask for high priced items. If they used them I would go out of my way to help but I am just feeling really used right now and see no way out of this situation.
OP, if this is true, you are crazy. These people apparently see you as little more than a slot machine that pays off every time they pull the handle. And, like many people to whom things are simply 'given', things that they don't have to work for, they have no appreciation for either you or the things you give them. They are moochers, freeloaders, and they will suck you dry until you have nothing else to give them and then you will be forgotten.
That money (injury payment) should have been put into an income producing investment to support you when/while your hubby can't work because of the injury (either currently or somewhere down the road).
You *are* being 'used' and you need to put a stop to it. Just stop, *that* is your way out of the situation.
If you *want* to give a gift, buy/give something you can afford. You absolutely do not need to be producing exactly the items they order, which are not appreciated.
Will they turn away from you and shut you out? Very likely, but if that is the way they are, then that is what is going to happen anyway, sooner or later. Better it happens now, than when you have nothing left.
Why is it so difficult for people to write a check? It's cash that they can do whatever they want with the money. Stop with the sentimental gifts nonsense. Kids grow tired of gifts overnight and a check is something they can't regift. If your sons family does not appreciate the gift then put a block on the check. There is no need to deal with people that don't appreciate the gift.
So OP, maybe you should not try to be the gift hero anymore and be more practical.
MGHKChance, why do you continue to play the martyr? Are you seeking approval from us? Stop buying presents you can't afford, and please stop playing the "woe is Grandma" card. You're only making yourself look like a fool.
Take your granddaughter and a friend out to the skating rink, or to a matinee of a local show. She would appreciate an experience much more than plastic junk.
My SIL used to call us with a list of things for the kids' Christmas presents. And she would be rude about it, with statements like, "Do NOT get the video that doesn't have the bonus features". Stuff like that. After doing as bidden once, my husband and I decided this was nonsense. The kicker was that neither kid has EVER said thank you, either verbally, in an email, a text or anything else. So while they were small, we bought them small gifts. Once they were teenagers, we cut off gift-giving completely. If they didn't care, we didn't care. I'm sure my SIL fumes about it, but she doesn't have the nerve to say something to our faces.
OP, I am sorry your son and his wife have taken advantage of you. But that is what they have done. You sound like a generous person, and they figured out that they can milk you for money and gifts (you even bought them a home!!!). Time to put your foot down, put your and your husband's financial needs first, and cut them off. Easy to say, I know. But as others have said, you will continue to be sucked dry until nothing is left, and then your DIL will probably invent an excuse to cut off all communication. Very sad.
I agree with giving her a check from now on. You've tried. It didn't work. Time to try something else that is less of a financial and emotional investment for you. Keep in mind that whatever you do for the first grandchild, you will have to do for any that follow. Don't over-extend yourself. I think a check is a good idea.
Each holiday her Mother calls and says this is what she wants you to buy and I always oblige them. Last Christmas it was a x box infinity and Easter was clothing from Justice and the gift card for her birthday was a suggestion from the Mother. We have a pool so I try to invite her here at our home for quality time with us but she has never gotten close to us and refuses to come without her Mom. My husband was hurt in a mining accident in 08 and we received a lump sum payment for his injuries during the time she first came into our family and I guess we went overboard on showering them with gifts. We bought them a home, a car and many nice things. Even those gifts were given away or destroyed. I have told them on many occasions that we are not getting what we were use to before his accident but they still ask for high priced items. If they used them I would go out of my way to help but I am just feeling really used right now and see no way out of this situation.
You have a clear and simple way out of this situation. STOP buying them what they ask for.
Continue to offer your love and kindness. Simple.
Keep in mind that you have no idea what goes through this girl's head. She has other grandparents and a whole emotional history that doesn't include you. You are trying to do the right thing, but she isn't buying it, for reasons you may never understand.
Any person who would throw away a new pair of shoes after one wearing has been raised to be spoiled and silly. Your Daughter in law is the one responsible for her behavior, and again, it probably has very little to do with you.
If you continue to follow the gift 'suggestions' you will continue to be disappointed by the response.
Each holiday her Mother calls and says this is what she wants you to buy and I always oblige them. Last Christmas it was a x box infinity and Easter was clothing from Justice and the gift card for her birthday was a suggestion from the Mother. We have a pool so I try to invite her here at our home for quality time with us but she has never gotten close to us and refuses to come without her Mom. My husband was hurt in a mining accident in 08 and we received a lump sum payment for his injuries during the time she first came into our family and I guess we went overboard on showering them with gifts. We bought them a home, a car and many nice things. Even those gifts were given away or destroyed. I have told them on many occasions that we are not getting what we were use to before his accident but they still ask for high priced items. If they used them I would go out of my way to help but I am just feeling really used right now and see no way out of this situation.
You ARE being used. And, this really isn't just about an ungrateful child. The behavior of the parents is just as bad, and that includes your son OP. It's time to speak up.
My husband was hurt in a mining accident in 08 and we received a lump sum payment for his injuries during the time she first came into our family and I guess we went overboard on showering them with gifts. We bought them a home, a car and many nice things. Even those gifts were given away or destroyed.
Couple of things...
That lump sum payment should have been used for your husband's future expenses. Blowing the money on others was short-sighted.
You bought them a home and a car?!? And they were give away or destroyed?!? I would not give them another penny.
Where is your son in all this? What does he say when you voice your concerns to him?
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