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I really need some advice. My son married a girl who had a 6 year old daughter 4 years ago. In this time we have gave her many very nice gifts only to have them either gave away or sold. In October she had a birthday and I discussed what would be a nice gift for her with her Mom. She assured me that the girl who was turning 11 now would love a gift certificate to a salon and spa for a new hairstyle and pedicure. My husband and myself live on a fixed income and money is sometimes short but I did buy a very expensive gift card and enclosed it in a card. Now over a month later she has still not made any effort to make the appointment and just shrugs it off when I ask if she had made the appointment and now it is coming upon Christmas and I am finding it hard to spend my money on anything. She has never kept or enjoyed any gift we have given her. What would be your advice on how to handle this situation considering it is my grand daughter and daughter in law?
Ask the girl directly what she would like for Christmas.
I am sorry to say this but it sounds like ( and I am only hearing your side OK? ) but it sounds like to me your step grand daughter is spoiled.. hummm sounds like son and D.I.L. are unappreciative.. hum .. Its painful and I am sorry for you, that this treatment is the best they feel they need to do..
Why is it so difficult for people to write a check? It's cash that they can do whatever they want with the money. Stop with the sentimental gifts nonsense. Kids grow tired of gifts overnight and a check is something they can't regift. If your sons family does not appreciate the gift then put a block on the check. There is no need to deal with people that don't appreciate the gift.
So OP, maybe you should not try to be the gift hero anymore and be more practical.
I agree with this, I would also do a check or put a few dollars inside a card and be done with it. That way, she can buy her own gift and you wont have to stress yourself out about it.
Tell the mother that THIS is what you're going to do from now on. Open a bank account for the child and put X amount of dollars into it when Christmas and her birthday rolls around. That way, the girl can spend it on whatever she wants and if she only wears it or uses it once, you won't have to know. (AND you won't have to shop for something useless)
After thinking this one over another thought came to mind. Anything you gave is a) Gone. b) trashed.
Does it look like they have nothing to show for their own income/anything you gave? Items vanishing?
This is all VERY troubling.
Allowing your home or vehicle to become unsafe/uninhabitable to neglect is NOT normal. Always asking for high priced demand items, expensive gaming systems, designer clothes etc. that simply vanish? Some how I doubt these items were "given away" or "thrown out"- If I were the betting type, my money is on this stuff all being sold! and if there is NOTHING in their home to show for it- very likely there is a much bigger problem at the root of everything YOU can't fix. and the worst, absolute worst thing is to throw more money at the situation. (substance abuse, gambling)
OP- please try to find someone (a professional) you can talk to. You are being taken advantage of.
It also occurred to me that some of those expensive things may have been sold and the money used by the mom or someone else (your son? your granddaughter?) for drugs, alcohol or gambling. This may especially be true if you are just told that the expensive clothes, shoes, car, etc were thrown away or damanged and you actually did not see it/them.
My grandparents were poor. I had no idea they were poor until many many many years later...My grandfather did things with me that he never did with any other grandchild or his own children! I still remember going to lunch with him every Saturday when I spent the weekend. We had lunch at this hole in the wall. I have a hamburger, French fries, and chocolate milk every time. Here we are 30-35 years later and I still remember doing this and I LOVED it. He also bought me 2 glazed donuts from the corner store for breakfast every Sunday when I stayed over. He's been gone for years.....first dementia took him and he left us completely. Every time I have a glazed donut, it's for him.
He could have given me diamonds and gold bars and they would have meant absolutely nothing. Those glazed donuts were worth their weight in gold.
My grandparents were poor. I had no idea they were poor until many many many years later...My grandfather did things with me that he never did with any other grandchild or his own children! I still remember going to lunch with him every Saturday when I spent the weekend. We had lunch at this hole in the wall. I have a hamburger, French fries, and chocolate milk every time. Here we are 30-35 years later and I still remember doing this and I LOVED it. He also bought me 2 glazed donuts from the corner store for breakfast every Sunday when I stayed over. He's been gone for years.....first dementia took him and he left us completely. Every time I have a glazed donut, it's for him.
He could have given me diamonds and gold bars and they would have meant absolutely nothing. Those glazed donuts were worth their weight in gold.
Very nice to share your story, it really resonated with me. Thanks
I am just feeling really used right now and see no way out of this situation.
Are you serious??? JUST. SAY. NO.
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