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My dd had a friend sleep over. I knew the father, casually, but not the mother. They are divorced. The mother dropped her off, and I was standing at the door waiting for the lady to park and come in. She pulled up to the curb, let the kid out, and drove off, without even seeing which house her daughter was walking into. I was kind of put off by that. Also by the fact that the daughter could never contact her mother when it was pick up time. I had to call her dad for her.
When I related this story to a friend, she said that by that girl's age, 11, parents don't go to the door or meet parents anymore, so it wasn't all that strange. Even at 11, I couldn't imagine just dropping my dd off at the curb, to go into some stranger's house, and not even have basic information. I know you're never going to know if someone has issues just by a simple meeting, but I at least want names, phone numbers, and a general sense of the home my kid is staying in. But different strokes for different folks I guess.
In the OP's situation, I don't think the children are too young for sleepovers. It depends a lot on the kid. Are they timid, scared, afraid to be away from home, prone to waking up in the middle of the night, having accidents, or behavior problems that your host may not be equipped to deal with? If so, keep them home. If you at least know the family well enough to have a general idea of them, and you think your kids are old enough to know if something doesn't feel or seem right, send them with a cell phone and instructions to call if they want to come home. Or, send them for the party and come pick them up at bedtime. Whatever feels most comfortable for you. Good luck. I know the first night away from home, with non family members, is always tough!
When our kids were young and starting sleepovers, we told them that if they felt uncomfortable or just did not want to stay after they got there that they could call us, tell us they were not feeling well and we would come get them. It's an out for them without having to say the real reason for coming home in front of a parent or friend on the other side of the phone. We had this happen one time, we ended up driving over an hour (had gone camping with a friend) to pick up our son. It wasn't the friends he went with that were the issue but people at neighboring campsites that were just downright scary.
To the poster who's neighborhood and neighbors always call the cops I would move.
I would love to and have discussed it many times with my husband. My husband, however, attaches a great deal of sentimental value to the house we are in for personal reasons, and is absolutely loathe to move. I'm still working on it.
Also, because of how we are zoned now, it would be a bit difficult to sell.
You need to get to know the parents of the children that yours are friends with. Also in a situation like that where there are a lot of children that are going to be there, you could speak to another parent of a child that is going that you do know and find out more about the family. Your children would probably have been fine but you made a good decision in at least letting them go for the party.
All you need to do is get to know the parents, know who else is in the house (older siblings? Other people?) and whether they have guns and confirm if so, that they are stored and locked. I always ask, because I knew someone whose child died at a party because the idiot parents had guns unlocked and loaded while a bunch of kids were in the house. Some of the kids had gone into another room, and curiousity took over.
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