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So i have been with my husband for 5 years, and the last 3 i have been absolutely miserable, and convinced i'm stuck. We have a daughter together who is 3. I am beyond past trying to work things out, he is nothing but a immature, verbally abusive loser. He is not able to keep a job, and all he cares about is his computer games and weed. Everything is always my fault, always. It also isnt just me, im unable to hang out with almost any of my friends because of him...they either cannot stand him because of his attitude, or on the rare occasions i do go without him i am harrassed the entire time by how im out "chasing boys". He has ran up so many bills and credit cards without my knowledge, he would just go ahead and buy the stuff and never pay it. I have horrible credit because of this. Its to the point he isnt even allowed to come with me to my families for holidays, not that i really want him to, but even they cannot stand him being around them, basically he is just a all around *******. He is aware of how unhappy i am, as i state it edleast 3 times a week, but he just brushes it off...acts like its nothing. Lol anyway,SO here is where i need help.
I live in the state of florida, bring home about 2,000$/monthly, which is just enough to pay all the bills and get some groceries. My husband since he cannot keep a job, barely brings him 800$/monthly, and that is our survive the month money. But do i get to touch it? Only after he buys parts for his computer and his marijuana! So my problem is, i am wanting to get away from this monster, but i honestly have no idea how. I Make to much to be approved for baby sitting vouchers, and i dont have the money for a baby sitter. I have absulutely no family to help me in this state, they are all states away so its just me. Baby sitting is my main problem, i am unable to get off work at a earlier time and i cant find a baby sitter who will keep the child till 6pm. Even at that point if i was to find one, i dont even have the money to aford it. I feel like i am stuck with absolutely no way out. I messed up, and built the bills and stuff up around me and my husband, so even as much as i hate him....his money is what feeds up monthly...its his money that lets us skip by, since my check pays for everything else. As i mentioned i had told him about me wanting out many times, and the times he does slightly accept it...he always makes it very clear that he will make the entire process a living hell for me and not help me out whats-so-ever. I dont have money for a lawyer, and i know id need one to start the process...Im basically backed into a corner and cant figure out how to get out. Some might say he may willingly watch her for me if we were to go seperate ways, others say to go for child support...but im scared. I know he will make it horrible for me, and even if i go for those things...it takes time, and im still screwed until everything is finalized. i just dont know where to start.... SO many you guys can help me?
He is in no way a distraction, because of him i have the courage to even try and ask for help out of this situation, just figured put the entire story out there.
But no, no family within 500 miles. I have worked for the same company for 7 years, and my license is only valid in this state. if i was to leave, id have no way for a decent job or anything within the same field
What other man? You are having an extra marital affair? Maybe that guy should help you out in terms of hiring an attorney because an attorney is what you were going to need.
BTW, $2000 a month is not exactly a very decent job.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but in some states you may be required to pay your ex-husband spousal support so that he can continue to "live in the style that he was accustomed to living" during your marriage. While that is unlikely since you have been married for only a short time but it is something to ask an attorney when you request a free consultation before hiring them as your divorce attorney.
In addition, while he may have charged all of that stuff, let's imagine that it is $30,000 in credit card debt. In many states it will be divided between the two of you in the divorce decree so that you owe $15,000 and he owes $15,000.
But, do you really think that he will pay the $15,000 back???? If he does not, in most cases you will still be obligated to back that money, too. So HE charged the $30,000 and YOU need to pay the $30,000 back.
I wish I could give you something to look forward to, but you are probably already screwed.
One suggestion is to "be creative" with your childcare. Perhaps, try to find someone who can watch your child from when the regular day care ends to 6 PM in exchange for you watching their child on the weekends or for so many date night a month or something like that. Or hiring a high school student for those extra hours. Some cities have babysitting cooperatives where you can "use hours from one person" for your child in trade for "giving hours" for babysitting someone else's child.
Another suggestion is to try to earn extra money, perhaps by babysitting or cleaning houses on the weekends or doing some type of work where your child can go with you to the job, to save up to pay an attorney. I don't know what divorce attorneys cost in Florida, maybe $5,000 for a simple divorce. Just save, save, save every extra penny until you have enough money. Or see if you can pay part of it down and then pay so much per month.
Can your family loan you the money? Someone that I knew was married to an alcoholic and her family was so happy to get him out of her life that her siblings and parents all chipped in and just gave her the money to pay for the divorce attorney. Her brother even worked overtime hours for a while so that he could afford to help his little sister get out of that bad situation. Now, that was a loving family.
Good luck. You are in a very tough situation.
Hopefully, other women will read this thread and it will make them extra, extra careful about selecting the right man to marry.
PS. If you are worried that you husband may hurt you or your child if you decide to leave him please contact a battered woman's group or shelter for advice. Do not put yours3lf or your child into danger.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-10-2016 at 06:02 PM..
Reason: added PS.
Make an appointment with a divorce attorney immediately. I'm serious. You think you have no way out but I suspect that you do. What you will not be able to do is get out without some discomfort and inconvenience and a change in lifestyle.
The truth of the matter is that until you are willing to do what it takes, you ARE stuck.
By the way - if you're having an extramarital affair, that is not likely to play well in your favor during a divorce. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet rather than swinging from man to man like a monkey in a rain forest.
You need to start with a lawyer and get your finances separated, ASAP.
I've known several women who did this and were glad they did. Their divorces took years before it was settled, but the money drained stopped with the financial separation agreement.
Credit cards were closed. Each of them managed their own income from then on out. Joint bank accounts were separated. Make legal arrangements that you are no longer responsible for any more of his bills. Split up credit card debt.
Though there are templates for doing this online, I would recommend you do this with an attorney.
Two that I know who did this, stayed with their spouses. With the money issue off the table, they got along just fine.
No need to go after it hammer and tongs, just get the money issue situated so you know where you stand.
Having only $800/month to spend may encourage him to up his employment game.
You need to find someone to help out with childcare. Exchange with another parent. Hire a high school student. Find a new job. Find a new daycare provider. Perhaps someone who does it in their home. But don't stick around because he you can't come up with suitable child care.
Once you get the finances separate, then start looking at ending the marriage. Give yourself some time. There is a reason you married this yahoo over the objections of your friends and family. What was it? How have things changed? How can you best co-parent your daughter?
You didn't get into this mess overnight and you won't get out overnight.
Start with getting your finances straightened out.
It could be in Florida you have to be officially divorced to separate out your finances. But I would encourage you to start there.
It's very important to protect your finances in a divorce. Also a good divorce attorney will tell you to focus on getting the divorce and taking care of your child before you move into another relationship.
He is in no way a distraction, because of him i have the courage to even try and ask for help out of this situation, just figured put the entire story out there.
But no, no family within 500 miles. I have worked for the same company for 7 years, and my license is only valid in this state. if i was to leave, id have no way for a decent job or anything within the same field
You do realize this can come back to bite you? Your husband will use this against you in court. You're in FL which has some whacky laws, he could end up as custodial parent and you would be paying the child support.
move, pick up and start over. stay with your folks till you get on your feet again.
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