Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't even know where to start with this. This is the story of one of my employees. For those of you who are parents who are divorcing or going through a custody battle, please read.
The mom (let's call her Mary) has a 15-year old daughter (let's call her Susie) and a 10-year old son (let's call him John). Susie and John have different Dads. Mary was never married to John's Dad and he was absent for most of John's early life. He reappeared on the scene a couple of years ago wanting to build a relationship with his son.
Some of the details are murky to me. English is not Mary's first language, so her explanations are sometimes a little unclear/confusing. John and Susie both accused John's Dad a year or so ago of sexually abusing them. Here's where I don't know many details. All I know is that the accusations were reported and investigated, but apparently nothing was substantiated and that was the end of it.
John was court ordered to attend therapy sessions and supervised visits with his father. From the get go, he protested (this is not a kid who is normally oppositional or noncompliant). Mary said that during one of the first therapy sessions, John urinated on himself when the Dad entered the room. Mary believes her children re: the alleged abuse. Because she vehemently did not want John to be forced to see his Dad, Mary was sometimes noncompliant with court orders (e.g., missing sessions/visits).
Mary got in trouble with the court a few months back because she was defying court orders and John was taken into state custody and placed in an emergency shelter for a period of several weeks. Once she agreed to comply, John came home.
Fast forward 4-5 months. John tells Mary that if he has to keep going for visits, he will kill himself. He was due to go this Saturday. Mary found 10-year old John dead in his bed this morning. He was not bluffing.
My point? Parents, put your kids first. Don't make it an ego battle. I have no idea whether John's Dad actually abused him, but John clearly believed he did. The system put the Dad's rights over the child's. The child was telling anyone who would listen that he did not want contact with his father, but the powers that be decided he had to. And as for Mary, she had good intentions, but she alienated the system by defying them and made them more sympathetic to the Dad. Meanwhile, John was the big loser and it all backfired in the worst possible way.
I don't blame the mom, I blame the court system. He wet himself and no one saw that as a problem when his dad walked in? He fought going to the pervs home and both kids said they were abused. Time to listen to the kids and err on their side. "Dad" still could have seen them in supervised visits, but that poor child would have been safe.
I would have disobeyed the court also to keep my child from being touched one. more. time.
I absolutely swear on my grandmother and everything I hold dear that it is true. I have spent my entire day crying over this boy. I can't do anything to prove it to you, but just for a second believe that it is true. If so, what does that say about the system?
There are a lot of important details that we don't know. It's a big question to me why the children's safety wasn't paramount (if the story told is true)--you'd think the word of the 15 year old daughter would've been taken at face value, at least, as the older child. Why the investigation didn't lead to charges is a mystery. Don't know for sure if we have all the facts, here.
The visits were supervised... meaning, the father and the son were not to be left alone at any time. A social worker would have to be there. So this isn't making total sense.
No, I agree. It isn't making total sense. I have only the mother's word plus the documents I saw (letter from the therapist to the court, letter from her lawyer to the mom). That is part of the problem; Mom wasn't being totally truthful with anyone. I knew for months about her court problems, but the version she told was just that Dad was trying to take the boy, never anything about her own culpability or defiance of court orders. I still don't have the whole story for sure.
ETA: Here's what I do know for sure. A 10 year old is dead. He believed his father molested him and he was being forced to see his father anyway. He chose to die rather than to continue doing that. The rest doesn't really matter.
No, I agree. It isn't making total sense. I have only the mother's word plus the documents I saw (letter from the therapist to the court, letter from her lawyer to the mom). That is part of the problem; Mom wasn't being totally truthful with anyone. I knew for months about her court problems, but the version she told was just that Dad was trying to take the boy, never anything about her own culpability or defiance of court orders. I still don't have the whole story for sure.
ETA: Here's what I do know for sure. A 10 year old is dead. He believed his father molested him and he was being forced to see his father anyway. He chose to die rather than to continue doing that. The rest doesn't really matter.
Well, yeah, the rest basically does matter. Was the mother brain-washing her child (alienating him from the father) by filling his head with horror stories about what his father -might- end up doing to him? Not unheard of. Lots of scenarios are possible. So I'm not going to jump to conclusions about the social workers, the courts, etc., based on sketchy hearsay from a mother who according to you, played fast and loose with the truth anyway. Of course she's going to cast herself as a victim... but I wonder. In the end, the child suffered, whatever was going on between the parents.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
