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We have had an ongoing issue with our now 13 year old son not cleaning his room. It finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago and we ended up helping him clean his room. While cleaning it we found a poor attempt to make a bong, several bad attempts at pipes, chewing tobacco, nutmeg, a baggie full of nude women. We took his phone and I went through it. Somewhere in a text message he said he was bi-curious and another said he was pansexual. I have made an appointment for him to see a counselor, I spoke with the school counselor and the teacher who sees him the most during the day.
Everything we say he does the exact opposite of. Today he came home with eyeliner around his eyes. This isn't the first time but hopefully it will be the last time. I really do not know what to do any more. Grounding him from his phone, TV, his friends, video games you name it makes no impact on him. He constantly has a bad attitude. He is supposed to go to his sister's house for a few weeks this summer but I am hesitating to let him do that because we don't want him to be a bad influence on his nephews who adore him.
We raised 3 other kids and they are fine kids. They are also 29, 27, and 25 so it was a different era when we were raising them. I will admit I am having a seriously hard time wrapping my head around this alternative lifestyle thing. I just do NOT get it.
We have had an ongoing issue with our now 13 year old son not cleaning his room. It finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago and we ended up helping him clean his room. While cleaning it we found a poor attempt to make a bong, several bad attempts at pipes, chewing tobacco, nutmeg, a baggie full of nude women. We took his phone and I went through it. Somewhere in a text message he said he was bi-curious and another said he was pansexual. I have made an appointment for him to see a counselor, I spoke with the school counselor and the teacher who sees him the most during the day.
Everything we say he does the exact opposite of. Today he came home with eyeliner around his eyes. This isn't the first time but hopefully it will be the last time. I really do not know what to do any more. Grounding him from his phone, TV, his friends, video games you name it makes no impact on him. He constantly has a bad attitude. He is supposed to go to his sister's house for a few weeks this summer but I am hesitating to let him do that because we don't want him to be a bad influence on his nephews who adore him.
We raised 3 other kids and they are fine kids. They are also 29, 27, and 25 so it was a different era when we were raising them. I will admit I am having a seriously hard time wrapping my head around this alternative lifestyle thing. I just do NOT get it.
Teenagers do not clean their rooms.
I would not put up with any drug paraphernalia, including tobacco. Regarding the baggie of nude women, hopefully he did not close the baggie so they could breathe. If it was just nude pictures, though, he's a teenage boy. All teen boys look at nude women. Yes, even your now 29, 27, and 25 year old boys...they just did not get caught.
So what if he is bi? Or gay? Or whatever? He is still your son. Period. Would you suddenly stop loving him if he told you this?
And eyeliner? So what? Girls wear it. Why can't boys? Choose your battles wisely. IMO, eyeliner is not worth a fight.
Do you talk...I mean really talk...to your son? Or do you just tell him to do things? If he brings up ideas that do not mesh with your ideas, do you shut him down without allowing him a chance to explain?
He sounds like a typical 13 year old to me, an adolescent trying to figure out how to separate from his folks, figure out how to fit in with his friends, and trying to figure out who he is. Yeah, the eyeliner thing could be because he's gay or bi. Or he could just be trying to shock Mom, Dad, and all his stodgy, unhip teachers and classmates.
I'd worry more if he was suddenly doing badly in school, showing signs of serious substance abuse, big changes in PERSONAL hygeine, or making friends he doesn't want to bring around to meet you. To me, those would all be red flags that something more than the usual teenage stuff is going on.
The drug stuff has to go, though. The earlier they start experimenting, the greater the odds that they'll have a real problem with it later on. And if he is gay or bi, don't reject him. Educate yourself how hard that is for an adolescent--some kids will run away or even kill themselves under the pressure of being "different"-- and then love him even more.
I can only answer about 'pansexual' majority the wannabe ' cool' kids consider themself that. They just think that didnt want to be just a girl or a boy. They wanted to be special than that! . My friend's 13 years old daugther is one of them. She is now shave her head and named herself a boy name. Let him explore he is only13.
Please go into therapy/counceling with an open mind and asking for help for *you* to learn how to talk to your son, for you to be a safe person to talk to. Go in to work on you, not to fix him.
I surely hope you are not sending him to counseling for being bisexual. Yes the drug stuff i wouldn't put up with. Far as cleaning his room. Good luck, Your constant hamming on him about his room isn't going to do either of you any good. You may even make it worse.
Regarding the baggie of nude women, hopefully he did not close the baggie so they could breathe.
Comic relief---love it.
Peach Salsa said everything well in her response post.
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