Is it irresponsible to have children in your late 30s/early 40s? (pregnancy, parents)
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That's going to be my situation exactly. Being on the brink of menopause, I feel pretty crappy some days. But - my daughter is nine and as such is understanding and sympathetic, not moody and confrontational. By all accounts, women feel much better after menopause when all of those hormonal upheavals are over. So I'm kinda looking forward to being on a nice even keel when my kid becomes a teenage girl. I think there are pluses and minuses to all ages.
As far as energy goes - I don't feel old at all and I really do believe that one's fifties and sixties in this era are not the same as our grandparents. People just don't seem as ancient as they once did.
But that could just be because I'm nearly there.
I think you got it! And YOU many be on an even keel when your kid becomes a teen. Her, not so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy
Not selfish at all. I had my kids young by choice (I was 22 and 25 respectively), and now that I'm 38, I absolutely do not want to start over with a baby. I'm really enjoying life with independent teenagers, and in just a handful of years, I'll have adult children. Some of my friends from high school are just starting now with babies and toddlers, and while it's not what I want in the slightest, it seems to be working great for them. Whatever floats your boat.
Well, we all think that once our kids get a bit older. I worked in a pediatric office. One day, a mom was leading, almost dragging, her child (roughly age 5) down the hall and the child was crying. One of the other nurses, younger than me by at least 15 years, but with kids just a few years younger than mine, said "I don't miss that a bit". I agreed. I think once you get through it, that's that. It's not age-dependent.
How can having children safely at an advanced age ever be considered irresponsible?
If you are not a welfare recipient having another kid just to receive more benefits (actually have one of those people in my family - ugh), and you have the ability to raise a child in a "good way", that's awesome. If you are even 1% concerned about what somebody else may think, then that's your issue. Tell them to "F" off
My mother had me and my sister at 22 and 20 respectively.. she's now 51, I'm 29 and my sister is 31. OTOH, my mother has friends her own age who still have kids who are middle school age (11/12). There's nothing wrong with it - but she's happy that it's over and done with now. She enjoyed it at the time but it's harder to run around after teenagers in your 50s than it is in your 30s or 40s.
My mother had me and my sister at 22 and 20 respectively.. she's now 51, I'm 29 and my sister is 31. OTOH, my mother has friends her own age who still have kids who are middle school age (11/12). There's nothing wrong with it - but she's happy that it's over and done with now. She enjoyed it at the time but it's harder to run around after teenagers in your 50s than it is in your 30s or 40s.
See my post above. You're glad it's over when it's over, and that has more to do with the ages of the kids than the ages of the parents. I think most people (from my sample size of my friends, LOL) have about the same energy in their 50s as in the 40s for sure, as far as you can quantify it anyway for keeping up with kids. The running around after teens is mostly driving. It's not like you still have to take them to the park and supervise them 24/7!
I'd say to slow it on down! See how you feel with one before you make all kinds of plans for two more! A lot of things sound better in your head...wait until they are at least a toddler to feel the full physical effect before getting pregnant with another. Also, you assume you'll be able to get pregnant easily and quickly - that may not be the case.
Congratulations to the OP. I'd like to offer a different perspective. My parents were 39 and 40 when I was born. There are days when I wish they had never had me so late. I never got to meet my grandfathers and I feel cheated at times. My father and his siblings, my aunts and uncles, are long gone. My cousins were all much older. I have one cousin left, one aunt, one uncle from my mother's side of the family. That's it and they are over 1100 miles away. It's not something I dwell on every day but there are times when it really bothers me. I turned 50 a couple of weeks ago and it was the worst birthday I've ever experienced. It was a milestone birthday and I missed my family very much. It's not pleasant feeling so alone. My poor husband tried to cheer me up. Thank goodness for him.
My thoughts on the OP having another baby after this one, I would encourage you to go ahead. I have always wished that my parents had another child after me so we would have had each other. I know that is not a guarantee that the siblings get along but I would take that chance. I also have 4 half siblings, we share the same father, but they cut off contact with me after our father died 23 years ago.
I was born when my parents were 43 and 45, and I'm now 47. I can relate to the poster above me. I barely knew my grandparents (they were all born in the 1890s, for heaven's sake), I have no living uncles or aunts at all, my cousins are all much older and on the other side of the country. Mom died when she was 74 (I was 31); Dad is now 92 and though mentally sharp he is almost blind and physically frail.
The thing that saves me is that I have six older siblings. I would feel lost without them. I'm closer to some than others but even a sibling I'm not that close to would be better than none.
My experience influenced my decision not to have children after age 35. I know anyone can die at any moment, but if you have kids in your 20s, the odds are in your favor that you'll still be around when they are in their 40s like I am, and you will be able to be an involved grandparent to your grandchildren. If you're in your 40s, maybe not so much.
Not irresponsible at all, especially since you may have better financial resources available to care for the child. No issues with partners going crazy in bottom of the barrel jobs trying to climb the ladder while also raising kids.
That being said, it is definitely riskier. Harder to get pregnant, more health risks for mom, more health risks for babies. Higher chances of some diseases in babies too. Not only that, but I PERSONALLY would not want to have a kid at that age. I was 100% sure I wanted to have my kids as early as possible so that I had some youthful energy left while they were young, and that I wasn't too old by the time they were on their own. Plus, if they are going to college or need help getting started in life it would be better to have that line up with peak earning potential in my 50s rather than my 60s when I'm trying to retire. My wife parents had her in their early 40s. They were trying to retire when she just started college which created some problems. Similarly, I have an aunt who had two kids at 41 and 44. She is turning 50 this year and her kids are still in the early part of grade school! Other kids parents are in their early thirties, big gap for her there. Not only that, but she will be once again around 65 when her kids are graduating college, and with the job market for young people these days a lot are sticking around the home much longer before finally going out on their own. I couldn't even imagine being 65-70 and have to worry about my kids future or them being able to be ok on their own. Another thing to consider is that grandparents may have passed on before the kids really got to know them or spend time with them, and that is also something I wouldn't want my kids to miss out on. Plus, I want to see my kids grow up and have their own kids and be still energetic and vital enough to run around and spend times with my grandkids.
Like I said, having kids older is definitely not for me, but as it gets more expensive to have kids I think more people will wait till getting older. The thing is though, if you want a kid, have a kid. There's never a good time to have a baby!
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