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im trying to come up with a long distance parenting plan for my ex with my attorney and i cant think of anything. When we went to the mediator she said my daughter wasnt ready for overnights with him yet so me sending her to michigan for a week or so isnt a good idea. Im so confused because i want a judge to look at it and understand that im not trying to move to keep them two apart but without any overnights yet im hitting a big wall. What do you think is a good parenting plan if we were told my daughters not ready to spend the night yet?
A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation. He was denied joint custody due to the fact my daughter doesnt know he's her father but was given supervised visitations on every wednesday for 3 hrs. I am now filing my motion for change of domicile because my husband has a GREAT job offer in Texas. My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.
My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.
What makes him think he could get that even if you stayed in MI? A three hour supervised visit once a week is a long way from two weeks every month, especially at that age.
Can you afford airfare to fly him to TX for supervised visits, maybe once or twice a month? Take it out of the child support he's going to start paying now? Make other arrangements for when she's older?
A parenting plan is obviously called for since you are relocating and the judge is going to want to see some cohesion..
I mean the supervised visitation was needed since he decided to come into the game late so to speak and your child is very young...
However Judges do like to see a plan because they do not like to see the non custodial parents without rights to get to know their child...
I would state flex time...meaning you and the non custodial parent ( In this case dad) decide that sometime during the year you two will be active in discussing a good time for both parties to either..
1. Have him go to you and you will assist in the planning
2. You will come back and reside there for 1- 2 weeks where he will have access to your child everyday at a reasonable hour....
Why don't you offer to pay to fly your ex from Michigan to Texas twice a month for visitation? He could have longer visitation sessions those two days to make up for the missing sessions if you lived in Michigan. Or, agree to reduce his child support by the cost of the two plane tickets. Seems like that will be cheaper than the cost of you flying your daughter back and less stress on your daughter. Then when your daughter is old enough to fly alone, you can put her on the plane instead.
IMHO, you are looking for a solution that completely discounts your child's father so you can have your perfect fairy tale ending. I understand why you want to move. I do. Your new husband will have a job in Texas and you will be able to support yourselves. However, your child has a right to know her father and her father has a right to know his child. You made the decision to have this child with this man before you chose to remarry. Cutting him out of the picture shouldn't be an option. If you balk at the idea of facilitating his visits, ask yourself if you'd like it better if you couldn't move to Texas at all. Or if your new husband has to move without you.
If you propose something reasonable, you have a pretty good chance the judge will approve it and/or your ex will agree. If you propose something unreasonable, you take your chances. Who knows. Maybe they rule in your favor. But a lot of judges are darn reluctant to separate daughters from fathers who want to be involved just to make things convenient for mommy and her new man (as they should be.) Regardless of what your ex did before, he's involved now and he's having regular visitation. Might be smarter (and better for everyone involved) to find a true compromise now.
ive offerred to pay for her ticket back and forth and we rotate holiday school breaks and he gets her for 6 weeks out of the summer he said no. because he still wants her two weeks out of every month. Everyone thinks im being to generous because he never wanted her until he heard we were moving and i have a signed affidavit from a mutual friend that he told her, plus his wife and i text about it because she's planning to move to go back to her home state in a few months also.
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
Why don't you offer to pay to fly your ex from Michigan to Texas twice a month for visitation? He could have longer visitation sessions those two days to make up for the missing sessions if you lived in Michigan. Or, agree to reduce his child support by the cost of the two plane tickets. Seems like that will be cheaper than the cost of you flying your daughter back and less stress on your daughter. Then when your daughter is old enough to fly alone, you can put her on the plane instead.
IMHO, you are looking for a solution that completely discounts your child's father so you can have your perfect fairy tale ending. I understand why you want to move. I do. Your new husband will have a job in Texas and you will be able to support yourselves. However, your child has a right to know her father and her father has a right to know his child. You made the decision to have this child with this man before you chose to remarry. Cutting him out of the picture shouldn't be an option. If you balk at the idea of facilitating his visits, ask yourself if you'd like it better if you couldn't move to Texas at all. Or if your new husband has to move without you.
If you propose something reasonable, you have a pretty good chance the judge will approve it and/or your ex will agree. If you propose something unreasonable, you take your chances. Who knows. Maybe they rule in your favor. But a lot of judges are darn reluctant to separate daughters from fathers who want to be involved just to make things convenient for mommy and her new man (as they should be.) Regardless of what your ex did before, he's involved now and he's having regular visitation. Might be smarter (and better for everyone involved) to find a true compromise now.
I'm Willing to bet, if you give the judge a good plan s/he will go for it. In court everyone goes for thing that are lopsided to them, and the judge get to find the middle. If you give a plan somewhere close to the middle, the judge will side with you, Even if it somewhat off to your side of the middle. But it not all the way off to one side,
ive offerred to pay for her ticket back and forth and we rotate holiday school breaks and he gets her for 6 weeks out of the summer he said no. because he still wants her two weeks out of every month. Everyone thinks im being to generous because he never wanted her until he heard we were moving and i have a signed affidavit from a mutual friend that he told her, plus his wife and i text about it because she's planning to move to go back to her home state in a few months also.
Well, then if you're sure about the wife moving back to her home state (assuming he's going too), then maybe you should wait it out. You'll have a much more compelling case if he's not making the regularly scheduled visitation. Or, if your husband needs to take the job now or lose it, let him move on ahead without you, and after your ex/wife move and he stops visiting, bring it up in court again. If you're not sure enough about their relocation to take that step, then it's kind of irrelevant.
Whether your friends think you're being generous won't matter. It's all about what the judge thinks. Maybe you luck out and he rules in your favor, but many judges are reluctant to separate a father who wants to be involved from his daughter. It might be worth asking whether it would be easier to work with him now. Or, take your chances.
im not really sure about their situation and personally im not going to let what she said make or break my case even though my lawyer says he can use the text as stating that their home isnt stable enough for my daughter to stay there two weeks every month. He also says he's had cases with my judge and she's going to ask him some very hard questions because she wants to know why he's contesting and why he waited so long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
Well, then if you're sure about the wife moving back to her home state (assuming he's going too), then maybe you should wait it out. You'll have a much more compelling case if he's not making the regularly scheduled visitation. Or, if your husband needs to take the job now or lose it, let him move on ahead without you, and after your ex/wife move and he stops visiting, bring it up in court again. If you're not sure enough about their relocation to take that step, then it's kind of irrelevant.
Whether your friends think you're being generous won't matter. It's all about what the judge thinks. Maybe you luck out and he rules in your favor, but many judges are reluctant to separate a father who wants to be involved from his daughter. It might be worth asking whether it would be easier to work with him now. Or, take your chances.
A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation.
My problem with all this - it doesn't sound like the "ex" was ever a husband and he took off shortly after the birth of the baby. Now she's married and has a chance at a family and life and employment - and he shows back up in her life and decides NOW he wants to be a parent.
Has he bothered to pay child support? Or could this just be some control thing that came up when the couple decided to relocate?
Very often these "dads" would gladly give up all rights to the child if they don't have to pay support, is there any chance the former boyfriend would make that trade? No more child support but he signs away his parental rights?
My problem with all this - it doesn't sound like the "ex" was ever a husband and he took off shortly after the birth of the baby. Now she's married and has a chance at a family and life and employment - and he shows back up in her life and decides NOW he wants to be a parent.
Has he bothered to pay child support? Or could this just be some control thing that came up when the couple decided to relocate?
Very often these "dads" would gladly give up all rights to the child if they don't have to pay support, is there any chance the former boyfriend would make that trade? No more child support but he signs away his parental rights?
Before i had my daughter EVERYONE even his own parents were telling him to sign over his rights but he wouldnt. He pays child support but im on assistance so i dont get any of it because my assistance is more than what i would get with child support.
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