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So the good news is that our 3 year old (4 in September) knows to get up and go to the bathroom at night.
The problem is that the bathroom has become his go-to bedtime stall tactic and we're not sure how to handle it. When he's asleep, he's a rock. A great kid, sweet and sleeps through the night. Now that he's potty trained we've made it clear that when it's time to go to bed, it's time to go to bed and there's no getting out of bed unless there's an emergency (like having to go to the bathroom). So he's figured out that the easiest way to "get out of bed free" is to go to the bathroom. We're talking 3-4 bathroom trips in the span of an hour. Each time he struggles a bit and manages to force a few drops of pee out so technically speaking, he's actually going to the bathroom.
It's frustrating. But at the same time, we're trying not to discourage him from using the bathroom when he needs to. After all, it took so long to get here. However, it's obviously a stall tactic for him and we've got to find a way to limit it. We've already stopped food/water over an hour before we put him to bed. We make going to the potty and "getting it all out" a pre-bed routine. We always ask him if he needs to go again after we finish reading the bed time story. Sometimes he says yes, and sometimes he says no. Either way, he's back in the bathroom 5 minutes after the door is closed. Then again within 15 minutes and again a little while later.
I'm tempted to institute a "two chances" rule. You go right before you get into bed and after the story and "get it all out." That's it. Still haven't put much thought into a reward/discipline system for this. Also, when he's inevitably sick and actually needs to go, I want him to understand he can. Sometimes we have to go in the middle of the night. If that happens, I want him to understand he can.
So I'm stuck. Thoughts?
*edit*
I should add that once he's out, he's OUT. He doesn't wake up to go to the bathroom and he isn't a "frequent urinator" during the day. It's 100% a stall tactic at bed time. He's had other stall tactics in the past, but not with nearly as much gray (yellow?) area.
If he will be 4 in September, he is old enough to understand limits.
Since you KNOW he is not bursting with liquids at bedtime and the chances of him wetting the bed are minimal, you can rest assured that he does not NEED to go every time. So give him ONE "pee pass." An actual printed pass on paper. Tell him that he can use the pass if he REALLY has to go. After that, NO MORE trips to the bathroom.
Most kids think VERY hard about using up that one pass. Also, he will grow out of this soon.
I would just put him in bed earlier to compensate for the time that the bathroom trips take.
Put a night light in the bathroom and let him go as often as he needs to. Tell him he can't wander after the bathroom trip, that he has to go to the bathroom and straight back to bed when he's done. Let him go to the bathroom by himself. He'll get tired of going back and forth to the bathroom once the novelty wears off.
It could also be a little bit of anxiety, being afraid that he's going to wet the bed now that he has the responsibility of being potty trained. Put a mattress protector on the bed and tell him that you have spare sheets and if pee happens some night, it's not the end of the world, that it even happens to grownups sometimes. If it's an anxiety sort of problem, the more rules you make about it or limits you set, the more he's going to think about it and feel like he has to go.
If he will be 4 in September, he is old enough to understand limits.
Since you KNOW he is not bursting with liquids at bedtime and the chances of him wetting the bed are minimal, you can rest assured that he does not NEED to go every time. So give him ONE "pee pass." An actual printed pass on paper. Tell him that he can use the pass if he REALLY has to go. After that, NO MORE trips to the bathroom.
Most kids think VERY hard about using up that one pass. Also, he will grow out of this soon.
I love the idea of a "pee pass." I'm already running it by the other half. I think it's the type of thing that he'd take very seriously.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
I would just put him in bed earlier to compensate for the time that the bathroom trips take.
Put a night light in the bathroom and let him go as often as he needs to. Tell him he can't wander after the bathroom trip, that he has to go to the bathroom and straight back to bed when he's done. Let him go to the bathroom by himself. He'll get tired of going back and forth to the bathroom once the novelty wears off.
It could also be a little bit of anxiety, being afraid that he's going to wet the bed now that he has the responsibility of being potty trained. Put a mattress protector on the bed and tell him that you have spare sheets and if pee happens some night, it's not the end of the world, that it even happens to grownups sometimes. If it's an anxiety sort of problem, the more rules you make about it or limits you set, the more he's going to think about it and feel like he has to go.
Good points. I don't want to increase anxiety/concern which is why I'm hesitant to say anything about it.It took so long to get to this point (going on his own without diapers), I don't want to be the reason for setbacks. It's also why I like the pee pass idea (it's fun). His older brother used to pee the bed, so he's seen how that works. We were never hard on him for it (we have mattress protectors on both beds and plenty of sheets) and did exactly what you said- told him it happens all the time, even to adults. It was fun when he told preschool teachers and classmates that "mommy pees the bed all the time," but that's another story. I can't imagine it's an anxiety problem, but I've been wrong before.
Wandering is part of the issue. He "hangs out" outside the bathroom door,plays with the lid of the toilet seat, the shampoo bottles in the shower, the cat bed (or the cat), etc. before and after he goes and we always have to go tell him to get into bed afterwards. I'm not convinced he'll get bored of it. He's 3, almost 4 and being outside of the room is better than sleeping in his bed as far as he's concerned. Even little things like a tooth brush, the cabinets, toilet seat, shower curtain, cat, etc. are far more entertaining than boring old bed.
I love the idea of a "pee pass." I'm already running it by the other half. I think it's the type of thing that he'd take very seriously.
This ^^ is the most important factor. Knowing what motivates your child helps YOU choose the right techniques for success.
If he plays in the bathroom, then yes, keeping him in the bed is the goal. That is where I've seen the pee pass work. It may have taken him a while to get there, but being trained at 3 is good compared to many kids I've seen IRL and even on this forum.
Having an older sibling helps too. Younger bro is old enough to understand that bedtime is for bed.
Make sure he's getting worn out with physical activity after dinner to get him plenty tired.
What are you doing while he is up "going pee"? I lay down and snuggle with my kiddos until they are almost asleep, and so when they get up to go pee, they just come right back because they want more snuggles.
If it is taking him too long to fall asleep to do that, they maybe you are putting him to bed too early, or not waking him up early enough in the morning. I get about 10-20 minutes of snuggles before they are out, and it works great.
So the good news is that our 3 year old (4 in September) knows to get up and go to the bathroom at night.
The problem is that the bathroom has become his go-to bedtime stall tactic and we're not sure how to handle it. When he's asleep, he's a rock. A great kid, sweet and sleeps through the night. Now that he's potty trained we've made it clear that when it's time to go to bed, it's time to go to bed and there's no getting out of bed unless there's an emergency (like having to go to the bathroom). So he's figured out that the easiest way to "get out of bed free" is to go to the bathroom. We're talking 3-4 bathroom trips in the span of an hour. Each time he struggles a bit and manages to force a few drops of pee out so technically speaking, he's actually going to the bathroom.
It's frustrating. But at the same time, we're trying not to discourage him from using the bathroom when he needs to. After all, it took so long to get here. However, it's obviously a stall tactic for him and we've got to find a way to limit it. We've already stopped food/water over an hour before we put him to bed. We make going to the potty and "getting it all out" a pre-bed routine. We always ask him if he needs to go again after we finish reading the bed time story. Sometimes he says yes, and sometimes he says no. Either way, he's back in the bathroom 5 minutes after the door is closed. Then again within 15 minutes and again a little while later.
I'm tempted to institute a "two chances" rule. You go right before you get into bed and after the story and "get it all out." That's it. Still haven't put much thought into a reward/discipline system for this. Also, when he's inevitably sick and actually needs to go, I want him to understand he can. Sometimes we have to go in the middle of the night. If that happens, I want him to understand he can.
So I'm stuck. Thoughts?
*edit*
I should add that once he's out, he's OUT. He doesn't wake up to go to the bathroom and he isn't a "frequent urinator" during the day. It's 100% a stall tactic at bed time. He's had other stall tactics in the past, but not with nearly as much gray (yellow?) area.
Why don't you just sit in his room with him until he falls asleep? It takes like 5 minutes. Probably all he wants is not to be left alone at night.
Thought of something else we did: If you don't want to start any bad bedtime habits and want to encourage him to sleep on his own, you could play a story "tape" as he's falling asleep.
When my older kids were toddlers, we used CDs, but you could find bedtime story downloads that keep his mind occupied while he stays in bed.
It shuts off automatically, and they usually fall asleep before it's over.
Give him a time for last drinks. My kids weren't allowed to drink anything after 6:30 so they wouldn't have to go after their final pee at bedtime. Since he's getting up so much to go, this should be easy to say, "No, you can't have a drink because you seem to need to go so many times when you should be sleeping..." He might change that tactic if he knows he wants something to drink but isn't allowed to have it.
I disagree with staying in the room until he goes to sleep. I know parents who have been trapped into doing that for literally years. They need to fall asleep on their own.
Just say "no?" If he already went, and you ask again after a book, that's it. He doesn't get to go again. If he does get up, let him do it on his own. Without attention, he may stop.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 07-26-2016 at 06:31 PM..
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