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Spent some time last weekend with a family friend. Noticed that, in reference to her child, she made an excuse for her child's actions. Not once or twice, but every time a story was told about her child.
For example, her child used to do track, but no longer does. The mom quickly said, well, that's because we don't have very good track facilities in our new city.
Or she went to swim camp, and she lost the race at the end of camp. That was due to, apparently, the instructors not teaching her the particular stroke, and the other kids had instruction outside of swim camp and that is why they won.
I could go on and on, but each and every story always included an excuse on why someone else didn't do their job, didn't do a good job. It was never "she didn't try hard enough" or "she didn't want to". Always the fault of someone else.
Spent some time last weekend with a family friend. Noticed that, in reference to her child, she made an excuse for her child's actions. Not once or twice, but every time a story was told about her child.
For example, her child used to do track, but no longer does. The mom quickly said, well, that's because we don't have very good track facilities in our new city.
Or she went to swim camp, and she lost the race at the end of camp. That was due to, apparently, the instructors not teaching her the particular stroke, and the other kids had instruction outside of swim camp and that is why they won.
I could go on and on, but each and every story always included an excuse on why someone else didn't do their job, didn't do a good job. It was never "she didn't try hard enough" or "she didn't want to". Always the fault of someone else.
Do you do this?
Those excuses get pretty expensive for mommy when kiddo is 30, no job, and living at home.
As for track, Kenya's facilities look to be pretty crappy, yet they always win gold medals.
I could go on and on, but each and every story always included an excuse on why someone else didn't do their job, didn't do a good job. It was never "she didn't try hard enough" or "she didn't want to". Always the fault of someone else.
Do you do this?
I don't think I do much of this, but I know a lot of parents do, which is why we now have so many stories about college students who can't cope when they receive a bad grade, young professionals in the workforce who can't understand a Manager offering criticism on work performance, etc.
It's a bit of a chicken and egg- do we have parents constantly offering excuses for their entitled children's lack of performance, or are the children entitled and not working hard because they expect their parents to take care of their problems?
I grew up very strict & structured and parts of my childhood I didn't get to enjoy,,
so when I had a kid,,,he wasn't going to be in 3 different things after school,,,,because other kids were,,
I always gave him a choice and if he didn't want to do it,,,thats o.k.
even when it came to a job,,,,,when I was a teenager I worked and worked and worked,,i wasn't going to put that pressure on my kids so I didn't
now I was very lucky,,,my kid was very ambitious,,,and because he wasn't "forced" to do a lot, he chose to do so..
this spring,,he just graduated from college and is now a pharmacist at a hospital,,, a high achiever....
funny how when parents back off they don't rebel,,and THEY will make their own decisions and stick to it
I had many friends,,,their parents lived their second child hood thru them,,,,is musical classes, sports, all this structure and no time to be a kid..
and the kid hated it,
so I tell parents to back off,,,,unless there kids are slobs just playing video games
I grew up very strict & structured and parts of my childhood I didn't get to enjoy,,
so when I had a kid,,,he wasn't going to be in 3 different things after school,,,,because other kids were,,
I always gave him a choice and if he didn't want to do it,,,thats o.k.
even when it came to a job,,,,,when I was a teenager I worked and worked and worked,,i wasn't going to put that pressure on my kids so I didn't
now I was very lucky,,,my kid was very ambitious,,,and because he wasn't "forced" to do a lot, he chose to do so..
this spring,,he just graduated from college and is now a pharmacist at a hospital,,, a high achiever....
funny how when parents back off they don't rebel,,and THEY will make their own decisions and stick to it
I had many friends,,,their parents lived their second child hood thru them,,,,is musical classes, sports, all this structure and no time to be a kid..
and the kid hated it,
so I tell parents to back off,,,,unless there kids are slobs just playing video games
My aunt is a good one for excuses.her daughter does heroin because her teeth are bad. Her father paid to get her teeth replaced with dentures full set. Low and behold her daughter still does heroin. Part of the reason her daughter is the way she is, is she lived a life where nothing was her fault, always someone elses fault
It depends on whether the excuse is warranted. If my child is exceptionally fussy or emotional and was up til 10 then I will state such and let it slide. But if he screws up he is expected to own it and the consequences that follow.
Spent some time last weekend with a family friend. Noticed that, in reference to her child, she made an excuse for her child's actions. Not once or twice, but every time a story was told about her child.
For example, her child used to do track, but no longer does. The mom quickly said, well, that's because we don't have very good track facilities in our new city.
Or she went to swim camp, and she lost the race at the end of camp. That was due to, apparently, the instructors not teaching her the particular stroke, and the other kids had instruction outside of swim camp and that is why they won.
I could go on and on, but each and every story always included an excuse on why someone else didn't do their job, didn't do a good job. It was never "she didn't try hard enough" or "she didn't want to". Always the fault of someone else.
Do you do this?
No. Both of my sons are taught that everything you do has a consequence.... some good, some bad. While we guide them to try and teach them we also understand that there are some lessons they must learn on their own so that they can fully understand the weight of a decision.
But at the end of the day, they know that they have to own their mistakes and that we will help them learn from those when they're made.
I make excuses for my daughter sometimes. She has OCD which interferes with her ability to do some things that other kids can do without a problem, but when we meet someone and we're comparing activities that our kids do, I'll make an excuse rather than sharing her private medical information. It's easier to say, "We didn't swim this summer because the sun makes my rosacea flare up," than to say, "We didn't swim this year because part of my daughter's OCD is a fear of germs and contamination and she couldn't handle getting in the pool when many other people's butts were in the pool." Or to say that we don't let her go to sleepovers rather than to say that she can't deal with using someone else's bathroom and that she has trouble with intrusive thoughts and gets really upset at night sometimes.
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