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I never had sisters or even female cousins. Just brothers. Then one day I got married and had children. I expected boys for some reason, but we had girls.
Boys I understand. Girls, not so much. My friend who had daughters told me that my world would slowly shrink away under a garden of girlishness until even the bathroom was overgrown. He was right.
One of my daughters is already a teenager so I understand that stage a bit. I thought I was doing pretty good for a few years, but as they grow older I feel less competent at fatherhood. I suspect I have just never quite learned to speak "girl" and I keep trying to speak "boy" with them.
Do any grown up daughters care to chime in and maybe help improve a life with some well-worn advice?
Or maybe you can tell me what not to do or be, which could be just as helpful.
Don't try to speak "girl" with them. That's what Mom is for. Speak "Dad" with them. Even for girls it's important for someone to model proper and appropriate male behavior for them. This is especially important for your teenage daughter so she has some guide posts when considering who to date.
Most of us feel like we don't know how to speak "teenager" when they get to that stage. It's not just dads who feel like they're not getting through to their kids. Moms feel like that too.
I'm sure you're doing fine. One thing I've noticed about male-female communication is that females like to talk about problems for the sake of sharing what they're going through, and males want to find an instant solution to the problem and then they don't want to hear about it anymore. My husband does that with our daughters...one will start to tell him how she feels about something that's going on, he offers a solution, she still wants to talk about her feelings about the situation, he gets mad because he's "offered advice and all she wants to do is argue". Sometimes women just want some sympathy and some understanding about a problem, not "here's a solution now shut up".
One thing I have noticed is if I am patient and just pay attention to them and not lecture, they spontaneously start sharing what's important to them. That seems to bring the most meaningful communication.
I'm a "fixer" and it is hard for me just to listen. I immediately just think of solutions.
My teenage daughter currently is dressing more like a boy apparently because puberty and pubescent boys freaked her out, so she's trying to be as unfeminine as possible.
One thing I have noticed is if I am patient and just pay attention to them and not lecture, they spontaneously start sharing what's important to them. That seems to bring the most meaningful communication.
I'm a "fixer" and it is hard for me just to listen. I immediately just think of solutions.
My teenage daughter currently is dressing more like a boy apparently because puberty and pubescent boys freaked her out, so she's trying to be as unfeminine as possible.
I think it's just something about the way male brains work, that every discussion needs to end with a solution. And it's great that you're not lecturing them. I've seen my kids tune out my husband's lectures and he never notices when they stop listening.
About dressing like a boy, my 14 year old likes to wear boys' t-shirts, slightly loose jeans and work boots. She's got more of a mature figure than a lot of girls her age and I think she's self-conscious about it. She's not doing it to keep boys away, it's more that she gets attention from men and it makes her uncomfortable because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She looks more like she's 20 than 14 when she wears feminine clothes.
I never had sisters or even female cousins. Just brothers. Then one day I got married and had children. I expected boys for some reason, but we had girls.
Boys I understand. Girls, not so much. My friend who had daughters told me that my world would slowly shrink away under a garden of girlishness until even the bathroom was overgrown. He was right.
One of my daughters is already a teenager so I understand that stage a bit. I thought I was doing pretty good for a few years, but as they grow older I feel less competent at fatherhood. I suspect I have just never quite learned to speak "girl" and I keep trying to speak "boy" with them.
Do any grown up daughters care to chime in and maybe help improve a life with some well-worn advice?
Or maybe you can tell me what not to do or be, which could be just as helpful.
Thanks!
Take a look at this book, I have read it and will help you along the way.
Fight girlishness. Make sure they're comfortable about speaking up - start by engaging them in serious discussions about a range of issues. Listen to them and make it clear their opinions are valid (if they are).
I personally found this book disturbing. Anyway, OP, the fact that you worry is a great sign. She isn't speaking "girl" like the other poster said. She is speaking "teenager". It's like being on a rollercoaster when talking to teenagers. One day they think this and the next day, it's the complete opposite. Just be yourself and be present and engaged. I think being engaged is the most important role a parent can play during the teenage years.
One thing I have noticed is if I am patient and just pay attention to them and not lecture, they spontaneously start sharing what's important to them. That seems to bring the most meaningful communication.
I'd say you've figured it out. That's sage advice for parents of teens of either sex.
I never had sisters or even female cousins. Just brothers. Then one day I got married and had children. I expected boys for some reason, but we had girls.
Boys I understand. Girls, not so much. My friend who had daughters told me that my world would slowly shrink away under a garden of girlishness until even the bathroom was overgrown. He was right.
One of my daughters is already a teenager so I understand that stage a bit. I thought I was doing pretty good for a few years, but as they grow older I feel less competent at fatherhood. I suspect I have just never quite learned to speak "girl" and I keep trying to speak "boy" with them.
Do any grown up daughters care to chime in and maybe help improve a life with some well-worn advice?
Or maybe you can tell me what not to do or be, which could be just as helpful.
Thanks!
Don't leave them. A girl needs her daddy.
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