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Sometimes between working and paying bills I wonder just how meaningful I am to my children. But then I will get a golden moment where it is clear I mattered to them a great deal. At those moments I realize I am writing important pages in their history that will help define them long after I am gone.
I never had sisters or even female cousins. Just brothers. Then one day I got married and had children. I expected boys for some reason, but we had girls.
Boys I understand. Girls, not so much. My friend who had daughters told me that my world would slowly shrink away under a garden of girlishness until even the bathroom was overgrown. He was right.
One of my daughters is already a teenager so I understand that stage a bit. I thought I was doing pretty good for a few years, but as they grow older I feel less competent at fatherhood. I suspect I have just never quite learned to speak "girl" and I keep trying to speak "boy" with them.
Do any grown up daughters care to chime in and maybe help improve a life with some well-worn advice?
Or maybe you can tell me what not to do or be, which could be just as helpful.
Thanks!
I guess, my FIRST and most important question would be..DID YOU ever "BOND" with you daughter? Because I grew up where my dad travelled average half a month a year..BUT my DAD was always in my life and nurtured my inquisitiveness and mostly answered my questions..Most parent recall those years.. But Your question seems to have kit if winders?? Why.. Do you have no idea just where your daughter's thinking is? Or are you a dad that left such things to the MOM?
Kid's today are way more informed today due to exposure to immediate media and social media...BACK in my day,,us kids always relied on our parents.
Given it's 21sr Century and you are asking for help....thus my initial question..Just what is your bonding relationshio that was formulated long ago???
I sure wish you luck..But unless you understand and grasp your own children/s views..It may be difficult! BUT IF you LISTEN to them..acknowlege their views..discuss your views vut allow them their views without retribution..This will lead to ability to discuss and agree sometimes..but sometimes agree to disagree!!
The only time it becomes a problem is when YOU demand compliance or ELSE!! Then it forces them to decide ..WALK AWAY and Dissolve their association... It's not easy..But it surely is a pivotal moment!!
The gent who was my foster Dad and the very definition of a Dad, didn't hold back on listening a lot! He knew me better then I knew myself. He guided...he listened...and encouraged autonomy. He was rather hip in his style of communicating...despite most adults insisting that parents are not your friends ...he was a great confidante when I just needed empathy or guidance. Not once was I embarrassed to introduce him to my friends...most of my friends went thru a dissociation phase with their parents....I didn't. I adored my dad( foster) . Be that Dad..be there...and support them...quirks and all. Silently they still are growing..and need that hand of wisdom. My dad respected that I was maturing into a young lady ...he though also gave non gender rules and discipline...so I never felt that my gender was at the root of how the sanction was rendered...
My father lectured and accused and punished all the way through my teenage years. Sometimes I deserved it, sometimes not. He definitely was not the kind of Dad you ever 'consulted' about anything. That sounds horrible and I can't say I actually 'enjoyed' that but I still loved him (even though I am not sure you could have gotten to me to say that too often back then) and as I hit my early 20s I realized he just did what he could with what he knew (that was how he was raised - and honestly I was the oldest, stubborn and very much like him I think) .. and I forgave him. Our best 'relationship years' were probably actually when he was in late 80s and 90s - but we got on quite well for many years prior to that (other than the 5 years he didn't talk to me at all). The point is that despite all that .. he didn't lose me. All through it .. I knew he 'cared'.
I never had sisters or even female cousins. Just brothers. Then one day I got married and had children. I expected boys for some reason, but we had girls.
Boys I understand. Girls, not so much. My friend who had daughters told me that my world would slowly shrink away under a garden of girlishness until even the bathroom was overgrown. He was right.
One of my daughters is already a teenager so I understand that stage a bit. I thought I was doing pretty good for a few years, but as they grow older I feel less competent at fatherhood. I suspect I have just never quite learned to speak "girl" and I keep trying to speak "boy" with them.
Do any grown up daughters care to chime in and maybe help improve a life with some well-worn advice?
Or maybe you can tell me what not to do or be, which could be just as helpful.
Thanks!
Your job is to be a Dad... and to set the example of what men should be like, especially in regard to how your daughters are treated. Hopefully they're paying attention and they'll want to someday date/marry a man that can live up to the example you set.
I don't know what I can say that would help you, OP. You're already head and shoulders above my father, who made it clear every day of our lives he didn't want us and that we only lived in that house because we were, as he put it, "your mother's project."
I guess I can say to avoid substance abuse if you can. It never made anyone a better father or brought lasting happiness. I don't know that my dad had any friends but he sure had a lot of drinking buddies. You can model character for your daughters by choosing who to associate with and not engaging in lewd behavior in front of them.
Make sure your girls will have what I didn't: a loving, caring father.
I personally found this book disturbing. Anyway, OP, the fact that you worry is a great sign. She isn't speaking "girl" like the other poster said. She is speaking "teenager". It's like being on a rollercoaster when talking to teenagers. One day they think this and the next day, it's the complete opposite. Just be yourself and be present and engaged. I think being engaged is the most important role a parent can play during the teenage years.
any specific reason why it was disturbing or just wasn't your cup of tea?
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But Your question seems to have kit if winders?? Why.. Do you have no idea just where your daughter's thinking is? Or are you a dad that left such things to the MOM? 
