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My parents have 2 sons. One son has 3 kids and the other son (me) has 1. The estate is estimated to be about 3 million. The parents are in good health and should live 15 years or more going by family history.
6 years ago they said the estate would be divided 50/50 between the sons.
3 years ago they said they are changing the will to be divided 1/3 for each son with remaining 1/3 split between the 4 grand kids. They didn't ask for comment and I didn't give them any. But it was disappointing.
Last week they called and said they are re-writing the will and will "split evenly between you kids, everyone will get 1/6". I'm so thankful they told me this because in 15 or 20 years when we open the will I would have never believed they would have divided it this way. I had never felt Like I was 1/6 of the family and I'm deeply hurt. I also never would have imagined they would give 2/3 of the estate to my brothers family and 1/3 to me. At least I have 15 years to adjust my relationship with them so I don't feel so bitter.
Just for clarity. Both my brother and I are fiscally stable. He's a professional and I work in construction. I spend more time with them, live closer. because I'm closer I help them occasionally with their business. We are not estranged at all and never have been. Last I heard I was executor although that was 3 or 4 years ago.
My last grandparent passed away about 2 years ago and they divided it equally between their 3 kids, my parents receiving 1/3.
They've asked my opinion on three occasions this past week what I think of their decision. Each time I've told them "its your money and you decision".
Is this the right answer?
Is this a customary way to divide an estate?
The customary way to divide an estate is however the people writing the will decide to divide it.
Among my friends and family, to my knowledge, it is always divided equally among the children with nothing given to the grandchildren. I believe that is because there can easily be more grandchildren after the grandparents die and many think that it is unfair, especially if some people have large families and some do not have any children or just one.
However, I have heard that sometimes in wealthier families money is given directly to the grandchildren. Or the grandparents set up college funds or trust funds so the grandkids can buy a house or start a business when they are older. Are your parents doing any of those things now (college funds, house funds, etc.)? Would you feel the same if your parents pay the full college expenses of all three of your brother's kids and the college expenses of your one child? His family would definitely be getting more money?
But, if they ask your opinion, you should tell the truth, that you feel deeply hurt & think that it is unfair.Your parents can not read your mind, tell them because they asked how you felt.. Just because your brother has more children when should your "line" of the family get less? And, if you think that you may have more children in the future, be sure to point that out. Or, if you suspect that you may end up being a caregiver for your parents, point that out.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-15-2016 at 11:22 AM..
I think its best to think your parents will be donating all the money to charity and just not get into it. It isn't your money...hopefully they enjoy it while they are still alive. If there is anything left, they split it any way they want and if you get some, thats a lovely gift they gave you.
Customary is split equally between one's children. If a child pre-deceases his parents, then it's customary to split that child's portion between any children of his. If he has no children, his portion is then split between his siblings.
Of course, people can do whatever they want since it's their money. I just hate it when parents use inheritance as a control tool. It happens way too often and never ends well.
I think the 1/6 option makes sense if the grandchildren are grown. If they are still children and really can't access it yet, it doesn't make any sense.
It makes sense in a way - they want each descendant to benefit equally. They don't see the grandchildren as extensions of their parents; they see them as individuals in their own right, all receiving equal shares. It's not insulting to any particular child.
Start pumping out more kids. No, really, I think it's odd. I would have done 50/50 with only children in mind and trust that my 2 sons would leave their estate to the grands.
How we did it, was to divide our estate (upon our death) between our three children, reserving a portion for the education of our grands. The amount for the grands is conditioned on how much we will have saved for their college educations, which is in a separate fund.
What I suspect is that your brother is influencing his parents. You should have made your objections known when asked. I know it is hard to think about your parents' deaths, but apparently your brother has been thinking about it. He probably views this as looking out for his kids' interests, especially since he has more kids than you.
Before allowing yourself to be bitter at your parents, why not ask where this is coming from. We've never changed the substance of our estate planning since we had the first one drawn up a number of years ago. Doing this requires lots of thought. If your parents are changing their minds now, I have to feel that someone has been trying to get them to change their minds. But, you are within your rights to ask how they came up with this distribution. You are within your rights to object. But that doesn't mean they will change their decision.
And, I imagine that if indeed your brother has been meddling in this, it will be hard for you to be loving toward him. But, you need to strive to rise above this stuff. It will be very hard. I do sympathize.
At least your parents are keeping you advised of everything.
They've asked my opinion on three occasions this past week what I think of their decision. Each time I've told them "its your money and you decision".
Is this the right answer? Is this a customary way to divide an estate?
Technically it's the "right" answer, but it's not an honest answer.
You have very strong opinions about this decision, and they asked you about it. You should tell them.
I agree that it was a mistake to leave a portion to the grandkids, but I also agree that you should forget about the inheritance altogether because your expectations are tainting your relationship with your parents, who have done nothing wrong.
My parents have 2 sons. One son has 3 kids and the other son (me) has 1. The estate is estimated to be about 3 million. The parents are in good health and should live 15 years or more going by family history.
6 years ago they said the estate would be divided 50/50 between the sons.
3 years ago they said they are changing the will to be divided 1/3 for each son with remaining 1/3 split between the 4 grand kids. They didn't ask for comment and I didn't give them any. But it was disappointing.
Last week they called and said they are re-writing the will and will "split evenly between you kids, everyone will get 1/6". I'm so thankful they told me this because in 15 or 20 years when we open the will I would have never believed they would have divided it this way. I had never felt Like I was 1/6 of the family and I'm deeply hurt. I also never would have imagined they would give 2/3 of the estate to my brothers family and 1/3 to me. At least I have 15 years to adjust my relationship with them so I don't feel so bitter.
Just for clarity. Both my brother and I are fiscally stable. He's a professional and I work in construction. I spend more time with them, live closer. because I'm closer I help them occasionally with their business. We are not estranged at all and never have been. Last I heard I was executor although that was 3 or 4 years ago.
My last grandparent passed away about 2 years ago and they divided it equally between their 3 kids, my parents receiving 1/3.
They've asked my opinion on three occasions this past week what I think of their decision. Each time I've told them "its your money and you decision".
Is this the right answer?
Is this a customary way to divide an estate?
You should tell them how you feel, that your value within the family is directly tied to the amount of inheritance that they give you. Your a greedy little one aren't you?
It's not 1/3 vs. 2/3, it is 1/6 for each blood descendant, if you had two kids it would be 1/7, get over it and be happy you and your kid are getting something.
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