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I'd love to listen to your opinions and experience, especially from parents who are the 1st generation immigrants.
Do you, should you speak to your kids in your native languages at home most of the time - to teach them your native language (from early on)?
OK, this sounds simple, particularly if it's coming from the parents who would tell us admirably "your kids should take full advantages of an immersion environment to learn a foreign (or native) language early on in their lives."
Contrary to many, this is my view and it is not that simple. When we have to trade off the way to communicate with our kids, with another way - to teach them our native language, we put communications as priority.
1st, a bit background here. My wife and I both grew up in China and were educated there (to 4 years college) and speak both Mandarin and Cantonese. As you can tell, my English is not perfect, but fairly understandable.
We have a girl and a boy. We both communicate with our them in English most of the time starting when they were young. My wife and I also passed TOEFL, etc, and earned Master Degrees in the US. Unlike some Asian parents, we didn't really force our kids to do all the usual to do "piano, ballet, golf, after-school classes, etc." and of course, including not to force them to learn Chinese. What ever we can afford (we are by no mean rich as both working as w2, and often sacrificing luxury stuff) we offered an opportunity for them to try. They didn't like it? We let them stop. We also let them make a lot of their own choices, even they have many regrets later on. Guess what? My daughter picked Spanish, and my son picked French as their 2nd language of study at middle school. Mom and I teach them Chinese at home, basically whenever they "feel like it." They in deed picked up some, but mostly day-to-day stuff. Now, they both are teens, and both start to blame us "why you didn't send us to Chinese school or teach us EVERYDAY - now we missed the golden ages to learn a new language."
I admit. We have a lot of guilt in our hearts. On the other hand, by looking around other immigrant families, I think I did the "tradeoff" and it is the right thing for our kids.
Let me explain. The immigrant families that I know of (not just Asian) - the families who speak to their kids in their native languages at home all the time, yes, provide an immersion environment to their kids to learn their native languages. So, their kids are far more advanced in their native language proficiency (than ours). But if I look deeper, there are something definitely missing. In their native languages, they are rarely able to use it to discuss anything meaningful. In summary, talking is ok, but communications in a complicated subject is not.
I almost never see any discussions between parents and kids in these families, deep into the topics, such as current affairs, politics, social issues, even new scientific discoveries or sports, or even expressing their feelings properly. I fully understand there is culture elements here, such as Asian parents tend to talk (but no allow talkback) and they kids may not need that language skills to DISCUSS deeper, and "trust" - same as "listen to me and believe me!" - outweights discussions, and Asians are far more apolitical, Asians hide their feelings, etc. However, I believe this "new language" that they are not using at schools, not talking to their friends, and not obtaining most of their info from, become a constrain in their communications with their outside world. I also think one of the most important aspects of parenting is missing there.
Today, my kids feel freely to communicate with us in English, at least in a Language which is not the obstacle to stop them from talking to us, reasoning with us, explaining things to us, challenging us and arguing with us.
In an ideal world, certainly, if we can do both: teach them fluent in their native language and they can also communicate well in either language. But if you may have to do a tradeoff, would you put communication as priority with your kids in a language which serves that purpose the best?
As parents, I believe communications with our kids are far more important than teaching them a new language. Even we may let them miss the "golden age" to learn a new language, we should not miss the "parenting opportunities."
Finally, while I'm looking forward to your opinions and experiences, I'm not looking forward to hear the same old same old "you can do both and there is no conflict here - that we had heard many times already."
I think its a good idea to teach them the basics, whether or not you plan to speak it 24/7 or not. Its part of who they are, so why not? It is MUCH easier to teach/learn when they are younger.
We are in the process of learning Hebrew and i can say our children have picked it up much easier and faster than my husband and I!
I think you make some very good points, particularly this one: if your kids speak Chinese at home, but are at school all day in English, when they come home, they can not tell you what they learned in school. They will not have the vocabulary.
My husband's parents were immigrants whose native languages were German and Portuguese. They learned English without a problem, but for quite a few years, they spoke only German at home with the kids. But when both kids were in school, they switched to mainly English.
Now, as an adult, my husband still understands everything said "around the house" in basic German, and he can string sentences together when he needs to (for visiting relative, etc.) But he and his parents speak English to each other, and even the parents now say it is easier for them to discuss anything complicated in English than in German. It's been their environment for so long.
If his parents had insisted that they only speak German within the family, forever, my husband would be limited in what he could talk about with them. You are absolutely right in that point. And, I think people underestimate how hard it can be to insist on a "family language" which is different from what every other person in society is speaking around you.
Given the same choice (fluent communication vs. a basic knowledge of another language), I'd make the same decision as you. Do your kids at least understand Chinese when they hear it? I have a number of friends raised in similar situations, who understand the family language even though they really don't speak it. And it would be easy for them to learn to speak if they wanted to.
The purpose of speaking your native language at home is to provide a foundation for that language. No one expects young children to have deep, profound conversations, and many ESL children, learn English at school, and tend to not move beyond an elementary level of their native language because most kids don't get formal instruction in that language.
My comment on that would be "So what?". The foundation remains there none the less, for them to utilize if they choose to do so. For example, my brother learned his mom's (my step mom) native language from his mom, grandmother, etc and spoke it better than English until he was about 5 (though he spoke English as well with my father and I). He went off to school, mostly spoke English, and when he went for his masters degree ended up back in Asia, and was able to very quickly pick his mom's native language back up due to the realities of being immersed in that language. He was completely fluent within 2 months.
As for the supposed negative, I don't agree. Most parents who speak the native language in the home eventually switch to speaking English as the kids get older, which undermines the notion that they will not be able to freely communicate more complex ideas. In reality most of these "native language" homes are a mix of the native language and English, and I just don't see anything to support the idea that children and teens are unable to "freely communicate" with their parents.
I believe in teaching as many languages to my kid as I can. I've tried to speak my native language to my kid, and she was better at it when she's very young. Now, she only knows the names of her favorite foods and some tender phrases like "I love you mommy" or "hug me" :-)
I think its a good idea to teach them the basics, whether or not you plan to speak it 24/7 or not. Its part of who they are, so why not? It is MUCH easier to teach/learn when they are younger.
We are in the process of learning Hebrew and i can say our children have picked it up much easier and faster than my husband and I!
Thank you for your reply. Yes, you have a good point. We have in fact taught them a bit more than basic.
I think you make some very good points, particularly this one: if your kids speak Chinese at home, but are at school all day in English, when they come home, they can not tell you what they learned in school. They will not have the vocabulary.
My husband's parents were immigrants whose native languages were German and Portuguese. They learned English without a problem, but for quite a few years, they spoke only German at home with the kids. But when both kids were in school, they switched to mainly English.
Now, as an adult, my husband still understands everything said "around the house" in basic German, and he can string sentences together when he needs to (for visiting relative, etc.) But he and his parents speak English to each other, and even the parents now say it is easier for them to discuss anything complicated in English than in German. It's been their environment for so long.
If his parents had insisted that they only speak German within the family, forever, my husband would be limited in what he could talk about with them. You are absolutely right in that point. And, I think people underestimate how hard it can be to insist on a "family language" which is different from what every other person in society is speaking around you.
Given the same choice (fluent communication vs. a basic knowledge of another language), I'd make the same decision as you. Do your kids at least understand Chinese when they hear it? I have a number of friends raised in similar situations, who understand the family language even though they really don't speak it. And it would be easy for them to learn to speak if they wanted to.
Thank you for your reply. I'm so glad to find a company here though not many, so far!
I'm sure you know, Chinese, along with Japanese and Korean, and a few other languages, is "Symbolic base" or characters base. It's far more difficult to have a learning transition from English (I guess from German too) which is phonetic base, or "alphabet base" or whatever the linguistic terms called.
The purpose of speaking your native language at home is to provide a foundation for that language. No one expects young children to have deep, profound conversations, and many ESL children, learn English at school, and tend to not move beyond an elementary level of their native language because most kids don't get formal instruction in that language.
My comment on that would be "So what?". The foundation remains there none the less, for them to utilize if they choose to do so. For example, my brother learned his mom's (my step mom) native language from his mom, grandmother, etc and spoke it better than English until he was about 5 (though he spoke English as well with my father and I). He went off to school, mostly spoke English, and when he went for his masters degree ended up back in Asia, and was able to very quickly pick his mom's native language back up due to the realities of being immersed in that language. He was completely fluent within 2 months.
As for the supposed negative, I don't agree. Most parents who speak the native language in the home eventually switch to speaking English as the kids get older, which undermines the notion that they will not be able to freely communicate more complex ideas. In reality most of these "native language" homes are a mix of the native language and English, and I just don't see anything to support the idea that children and teens are unable to "freely communicate" with their parents.
Thank you for your reply.
Not sure I understand what you meant "fluent within 2 months." I think that was exactly the point - "fluent" - I'd like to debate in my OP. Also not sure "a mix of the native language and English" is a good thing in daily conversations, if you really know how Asian ppl think of that, particularly in China nowadays. 海龟, 海带, ring a bell? Yes, I was one of them.
I believe in teaching as many languages to my kid as I can. I've tried to speak my native language to my kid, and she was better at it when she's very young. Now, she only knows the names of her favorite foods and some tender phrases like "I love you mommy" or "hug me" :-)
... Do your kids at least understand Chinese when they hear it? I have a number of friends raised in similar situations, who understand the family language even though they really don't speak it. And it would be easy for them to learn to speak if they wanted to.
Thank you for your reply. I missed your question in previous post ...
It depends. Day-to-day is ok, but not for discussion in complicated topics, let's say or even watching Chinese TV or radio. They may be able to guess the "context" but that is "experience" NOT language sills. I personally do not considering greetings, ordering Chinese foods or even asking directions is "fluent." I may call "survivable" level. I can tell you that when I came to this country on the 1st day.
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