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As a similar yet slightly different question, when I was in my late twenties and a lot of folks around me were having children, I asked them if they could have decided not to have kids, would they have chosen that? Given the caveat that they love their kids, etc. etc. had they been given a choice, would they choose not to have kids and about half of them told me they'd be a lot happier without them. Although these were all new parents as well as parents who had been living on sailboats before the kids came along, so it's not exactly an unbiased segment of the population.
As a similar yet slightly different question, when I was in my late twenties and a lot of folks around me were having children, I asked them if they could have decided not to have kids, would they have chosen that? Given the caveat that they love their kids, etc. etc. had they been given a choice, would they choose not to have kids and about half of them told me they'd be a lot happier without them. Although these were all new parents as well as parents who had been living on sailboats before the kids came along, so it's not exactly an unbiased segment of the population.
I think you would have gotten a much different answer if you asked the question a few years later. The little kid stage is very exhausting and life altering. A few years later, they were probably able to combine much more of their pre kid life with their kid life as the kids got a little bigger.
My little ones are 5 and 4, every so often the wife and I get away for a weekend or a trip, due to grandparents wanting them for some-time. A little remembrance of our "life before kids." Every-time we go the same thing happens, 48 hours after we get there, we miss the kids. Our life before kids was fun, but life with kids is so much better.
The only thing I really missed out on was international travel. When my kids were very small, My husband went to Scotland for the Open. My parents went to Sweden and Belgium. My husband was really upset that I didn't want to leave my breastfed baby with his parents to travel overseas. When the child was no longer breastfed he had no interest.
My youngest graduates from HS in 2018. I will have the summer off (I'm a teacher) so I'm already thinking about which European country to visit!!! I plan to travel internationally every summer for the rest of my life!
Other than that, life before kids was boring. We are introverts, didn't have much of a social life, lived in a small town without much to do. We didn't have much money when we started out. We could have made more interesting choices for lifestyle and careers long before they were born, but we were not risk takers.
My kids are my favorite people, and I can't imagine life without them.
We do take breaks. Last summer my husband and I went to Europe for two weeks without our son. Every year we take at least a long weekend a couple times and a week or two as well. We have parents nearby who are retired and honestly taking a break makes us far better parents when we come back. Sure we miss our son but focus on ourselves.
I also travel for work occasionally and used to frequently so I never felt the guilt thing.
I would never have wanted to be away from them for 3 whole months when they were little. I would have been content with a full weekend without kids once a year so my husband and I could have some alone time. But alas, we had nobody to watch them so we made do.
I'm 42 and have two boys, 18 and 19. I've been divorced forever.
The 19 year old doesn't bug me much, but the 18 year old has autism and is significantly impaired so I have to be with him at all times, pretty much.
I would love to be able to go out to a park or somewhere quiet for a few hours and not have to worry about him or anything at all. My life before kids wasn't some great party or anything, but I wouldn't mind a break now and again.
Unclench people. This could have been a fun post! No, I would not want to drop my 6 year old off for 3 months somewhere no matter how safe and happy he'd be. But if I could magically have a short time BEFORE having one again I would stay up really late, sleep until late morning and have sex all afternoon. Maybe roll around naked in all the money I used to have. Then go out to a spectacular restaurant which I would have no trouble finding because I used to know about things like that. I would do that over and over again and when that got boring I would fly to Europe and do the same thing there. Other days I would read for hours on end. And I would skip meals entirely. None of this scheduled, 3 meals per day nonsense.
But 20 years from now if someone asks if I could repeat 3 months of my life from any period which would I choose? I would choose right now. Because everything about it is fantastic. Except for the stupid meals, those I would skip!
Since my kids are grown, I'd far rather have the option of having three months with them small again. Even the most stressed out parents will miss those days when they're over.
This.
During the busy days, I did occasionally get time to do my thing, and my husband did as well. But for a weekend here and there. I wouldn't have wanted to miss 3 months of my daughter's life when she was young.
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