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Looking for some advice on schooling for my 4 children. Ages are 16, 13, 9, 6. Their mother passed ago on 9-9-17. I kept them out of school this whole week we were able to bury her today. My question is how soon is too soon to send them back I want them to be able to properly grief. I am lost at what decisions to make
First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. Peace to you and your children at this very difficult time.
Your children should go back to school. They should begin to get back to their normal routine which will assist with the grieving process. Don't expect things to be perfect or for them to not grieve anymore. Keeping them out of school will not make the grieving process go any quicker.
(My mother died on a Wed, her funeral was Saturday, my father insisted we went back to school on Monday.)
So very sorry for your loss. The sooner the children get back to school and start their new normal routine the better it will be for everyone. The grieving process will not go any faster if they're staying home or going to school. It's not going to be easy regardless. Many bumps and bruises ahead as you and the children start to adjust. Again I'm very sorry for you and the children's loss.
Very sorry for your family's loss. Like others, I think you should get the kids back to school as soon as possible.
Have you spoken to the school(s) counselor to enlist their help? This is what they're there for. If no school counselor is available, please strongly consider finding a therapist that can work with your children during this difficult time.
I am so sorry for your and your children's loss. It's heart breaking to hear. Please get a therapist ho specializes in children, grief and accute stress to help guide you. Getting them back to school soon might be the right answer...but it might not be for every child. You have an age range and they will need different things to grieve and heal. No two people grieve the same way. You need someone to guide you that is trained and experienced. Please start calling people today and leave messages and urgent.
Www.psychologytoday.com has a decent provider finder. But googling, calling the hospital social worker or even the pediatrician can be resources to. You need a team behind you. This is too much to take on your own. And we don't know the details or your children well enough to really tell you how to manage this.
Thank you all for the kind words. I was planning on sending them all back on Monday but I wasn't sure if that was too early. I met with school counselors at all there different schools and everything is in place for them to have a support system when they do return to school. Thank you all
I agree that it's probably best for them to return to school. I'm glad you've met with the school counselors and I hope they're also able to get counseling outside of school if needed.
Sincere condolences to you all & good job on already getting in touch with the school counselors. I agree with all of the above posts, going back to a normal routine is important.
I am so very sorry for this tragedy. Getting the children back into their normal routines will be best in most cases - have they expressed an interest in or inquired about going back to school? Have they seen any of their friends since losing their mother?
I am glad the schools are aware of the situation and are ready to offer support. Returning to your children's other routines - sports, music lessons, scouts - would also be helpful. Make sure the adult leaders of any such activities are aware of the situation and inform the other kids involved.
You might check with Hospice - they offer grief counseling for adults and in some locations, also for children.
And - don't avoid talking about their mother with your children. Don't be afraid to hug them, let them cry, or to cry with them. Make sure they have pictures of their mother and some keepsakes of hers. Tell your children how special they were to their mother, and how much she not only loved them, but enjoyed them. Reassure them that tears are okay, but that they're greatly loved by you and the rest of their family and will be safe and cared for.
If your older children are girls, perhaps they'd want to wear some of their mother's accessories - costume jewelry, scarves, etc. The younger children may also want some of their mother's personal things, or to know that things are being put away and saved for them later on.
Take your time with her possessions.
Is your extended family geographically and emotionally close? Grandmothers, aunts, and female cousins can be very helpful, though of course they cannot ever fill your wife's place. Since they could share stories about your wife's early life, they could be precious resources for your children, especially the little ones, to help them know and remember just who their mother was.
The children may need to share rooms at night for a while, or may need to be with you - pallets on the bedroom floor work well. Nightlights and cuddly stuffed toys or dolls can be comforting, too. If they have a pet cats or dogs or other animal companions, this can be extremely helpful.
Best wishes to you during these difficult days. I hope you will find a sort of bittersweet joy in remembering your wife, and in seeing some of her traits reflected in your children.
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