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If i take him to court, all hell will break loose and he will probably never speak to his kids again. Court or no court?
If you go to court and he cuts off contact with the children, then he is doing something that he was going to do anyway. duh.
Why do you not already know this?
If that happens and anyone says anything to you about it, your answer is always "He can talk or visit anytime he wants. It is entirely his decision."
The girl had to grow up fast as a result of both parents' decision to divorce (and having witnessed increasing acrimony before that), then she had 2 years of counselling, and now she is on the cusp of adulthood herself, capable of making her own conclusions about life, her parents, and the stack of cards she's been dealt with. Unfortunately or fortunately, she is going to become an adult earlier than her peers, decide on her path to Jilliard (or any other place she'd want to go to), based on her own smarts and abilities, and may delay for a year, two, or three. Of course, the mother can be flogging the dead horse, and maybe some weak stream of money may come out of it, but the girl has to field for herself basically. It will be hard, but in the end will worth it.
After 20 years of marriage, I went through a nasty divorce in 2015. Son (now 19 yrs) and daughter (now 17 years) both live with me. Since the divorce, my ex has not made any initiative to see his kids. He used to be a very involved parent and a great dad when they were young. The divorce was hardest on my daughter. She found out that her dad was having an affair and blames him for the divorce. He is also an alcoholic and very abusive...so they witnessed more than they should have. He has a very good career and travels all over. He just recently remarried and didn't tell the kids. He bought a new home and moved in his new wife and 3 young kids. Both kids have been in counseling for awhile now. They are very fearful of their father and have never told him how they feel...about anything. My daughter's therapist encouraged her to reach out to him and discuss her feelings (of abandonment, being replaced, wanting a relationship with him). She texted him and asked if they could meet for lunch so they could talk. He told her that he would only meet with her if she apologized to his new wife for unfriending her on FB. He told her that she was very disrespectful and a brat. Daughter was devastated. So, with the help of her therapist, she hand wrote a letter to him detailing everything she was feeling. When he got the letter, he immediately cut off her phone. (He's a punisher when he feels he has been disrespected). It has been 6 months since my daughter has spoken to her father. However, my son talks to him on a regular basis. My son won't say much about any of it because he knows that if he speaks up, then he will get punished too....and he wants a relationship with his dad. My daughter is a senior this year and going on college auditions (she's a dancer). Juilliard and USC are her top schools. I am only a teacher and will never be able to afford this. I can't get their father to pay half of their medical bills let alone help with college. He has totally written off his kids. He only talks (doesn't see) to our son because he hasn't pissed him off yet.
I want to take my ex to court. I already have a case of him not paying 1/2 of medical bills. He was supposed to pay for daughter's car insurance and he didn't do that either. His new wife sent me an email saying that I get enough child support and to quit asking for money. My ex doesn't follow the decree at all so I am sure I have a good case. Would I be able to force him to help with college expenses as well? I know if I take him to court then it will really ruin my daughter's chances of having a relationship with her dad. There's no doubt that their father is a narcissist (maybe borderline sociopath). I am torn on what to do. I can't afford college (even though daughter has a good chance at scholarships) and could really use the money he owes me. If i take him to court, all hell will break loose and he will probably never speak to his kids again. Court or no court?
I'll just reiterate what I touched on already. YOU need to call the shots for your life. Do not temper your thinking on what your ex husband will think or do, it's all on you. Use all your legal resources to get what is coming to you and you children. You can continue to wait for him to tell you how it's going to work, or you can fight.
You gave him the best years of your life and he made these children with you. Don't be a whimp.
If all written by the OP is actually true, then she can take him to court. If not; you cannot force a relationship between a father and a daughter. And I would love to hear the other side of the story,which there always is one.
After 20 years of marriage, I went through a nasty divorce in 2015. Son (now 19 yrs) and daughter (now 17 years) both live with me. Since the divorce, my ex has not made any initiative to see his kids. He used to be a very involved parent and a great dad when they were young. The divorce was hardest on my daughter. She found out that her dad was having an affair and blames him for the divorce. He is also an alcoholic and very abusive...so they witnessed more than they should have. He has a very good career and travels all over. He just recently remarried and didn't tell the kids. He bought a new home and moved in his new wife and 3 young kids. Both kids have been in counseling for awhile now. They are very fearful of their father and have never told him how they feel...about anything. My daughter's therapist encouraged her to reach out to him and discuss her feelings (of abandonment, being replaced, wanting a relationship with him). She texted him and asked if they could meet for lunch so they could talk. He told her that he would only meet with her if she apologized to his new wife for unfriending her on FB. He told her that she was very disrespectful and a brat. Daughter was devastated. So, with the help of her therapist, she hand wrote a letter to him detailing everything she was feeling. When he got the letter, he immediately cut off her phone. (He's a punisher when he feels he has been disrespected). It has been 6 months since my daughter has spoken to her father. However, my son talks to him on a regular basis. My son won't say much about any of it because he knows that if he speaks up, then he will get punished too....and he wants a relationship with his dad. My daughter is a senior this year and going on college auditions (she's a dancer). Juilliard and USC are her top schools. I am only a teacher and will never be able to afford this. I can't get their father to pay half of their medical bills let alone help with college. He has totally written off his kids. He only talks (doesn't see) to our son because he hasn't pissed him off yet.
I want to take my ex to court. I already have a case of him not paying 1/2 of medical bills. He was supposed to pay for daughter's car insurance and he didn't do that either. His new wife sent me an email saying that I get enough child support and to quit asking for money. My ex doesn't follow the decree at all so I am sure I have a good case. Would I be able to force him to help with college expenses as well? I know if I take him to court then it will really ruin my daughter's chances of having a relationship with her dad. There's no doubt that their father is a narcissist (maybe borderline sociopath). I am torn on what to do. I can't afford college (even though daughter has a good chance at scholarships) and could really use the money he owes me. If i take him to court, all hell will break loose and he will probably never speak to his kids again. Court or no court?
Talk to a lawyer about the college expenses. Many states do now requires both parents to contribute, even past 18 and it is frequently part of the divorce settlement.
Additionally, even if he chooses not to help with college, he can completely control and sabotage her ability to get scholarships by not giving his tax info she will need for the FASFA. She can start the FASFA as early as October, so it would be useful to get this ball rolling now.
Pardon??? Expected? In what world do you reside to Mandate such? You do realize that Most teens struggle just to make it thru high school (grades)...much less pursue a college degree with Mommy and Daddys purse . My heart doesn't weep for a student wishing to pursue college...I admire those who wish to hone their education thru higher education. So that when I sit in a professionals' office and read the bill...I can say...Yes that fee is so reasonable because they went to college on Dads paycheck and now they wish to have Me (the client) also re-imburse them. Yes its life in a nut shell, someone is often paying for anothers' education.
OUr family had seven kids...there was NO way my Bio Dad could or would afford to put all seven of us thru college because YOU deem it expected. At 18 you bet we each found other avenues to fund our education. Scholarships, ROTC, Or SAVING thru years of work and then getting that degree...Was it hard core? Nope! It is life handing us opportunities to improve our life ....We didn't expect at 18 our parents to flip the bill...We did expect them to encourage us and be there as a sounding board.
ANyways that was off course. THe COURTS don't EXPECT parents to pay for college either...they can order it though if both parents are of good income and have this on there List of demands when rendering the support provisions. And yes I continue to support self reliance at 18 and over for an ADULT.
This is not about you. This is about a parent who based on the information we have, has the financial means to contribute. If you can contribute you should.
If you go to court and he cuts off contact with the children, then he is doing something that he was going to do anyway. duh. Why do you not already know this?
If that happens and anyone says anything to you about it, your answer is always "He can talk or visit anytime he wants. It is entirely his decision."
Come on. Give her a break. She can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. When you're smack dab in the middle of an emotional and traumatic experience, it can be hard to be pragmatic.
The therapist is worthless. Who tell a kid to reach out to an adult alcoholic! Fire them immediately.
Get your kids into Alanon or Adult Childen Of Alcoholics yesterday. They need to learn emotion detachment with their Dad.
And I agree with going to court for the half he owes, you will get it.
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