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I am so frustrated with my 12 year old son, it's ridiculous. He won't do all his homework, lies about having it done, or sometimes doesn't even bring it home to do it. He goes to a catholic school and is happy there. He also has ADHD, but homework is supposed to be done right after school so his medicine hasn't worn off. We check what he does show us but anything left at school or writing assignments we never know about until the teacher states that they were never done. And then he tries the I turned it, I lost it, I don't know what happened. We have a homework folder that goes to and from school. We have taken away all privileges, no anything-video games, Ipad, computer, tv, reading at night past bedtime, etc.
He's in the 6th grade and at this point they are expected to write down homework in their assignment binder and to turn it in on the expected date; some are next day assignments and he usually has 1-2 things due the next week. The teacher doesn't check their assignment books anymore and I understand why. He understands the work that needs done, hes a pretty smart kid, and if not we will help him and explain what we can. Also, this isn't new, its been going on but in past years the younger they were the more lenient the teachers were with this. Now that its on him, his grades are suffering. He gets great grades on schoolwork but with all the missing homework, his grades are slipping to low C's, and D's.
Any ideas on what we can do to help him? Anything we can suggest to his teacher at conferences? We've tried pause breaks, snacks, giving him things back little by little, doing fun things when he does good but as soon as that happens he slides back the other way, rewards for good report cards. It's not a long term fix.
My son is a huge butt about homework. Always has been. Also has adhd. He is in a private school and his teacher has been great this year. She emails me every night (or after school of she sees me) and tells me what he has to do. I don't even let him eat dinner until his work is done.
does he understand the concept if he doesn't do it he will be held back and have to repeat the year? can you relate that to having to eat something he doesn't like for another year? watching the same tv show only for another year?
You seem very involved, which is good and it's awesome that you care so much, but maybe you are too involved? It seems like he might be used to having things taken care of for him. Maybe back off. Have a sit down with him and tell him that he's an adolescent now and that means he is old enough to keep track of these things by himself, but you will always be there and willing to help him if he needs it. This may mean he fails a grading period until he gets a handle of it and realizes you are serious, but if you push everything onto his shoulders, maybe he will care more? Let his teacher/s know this is the course you are going to take and you can keep tabs on him through her/them, but otherwise I'd let him be.
I also am not sure how I feel about rewarding grades (I am not there yet either), but I was never rewarded for grades. My reward WAS my grades and I worked hard because *I* didn't want to fail, not because I was trying to earn a prize. Your son doesn't really seem to care either way, so I'd stop that too. I'm sure there are polarizing views on this topic, but that is how I see it .
We did the notes with the teacher in years past but this year they want the kids to be fully responsible for keeping track, doing, and turning in their own homework. That's why this is the worst year so far regarding this issue. I will try and mention it at out conference but so far they don't seem like that's an option.
They do send home a homework is not an option sheet when its late, and we have to sign it and if he doesn't turn said homework in the next day, he then stays an hour after school. But this hasn't deterred the behavior either.
And we have spoken to him about doing 6th grade again and he states he doesn't want that to happen. He loves the school and his friends but what he tells us is he hates homework. We have the whole homework isn't optional talk and then he does the same things.
And I've heard the let him fail option, but it makes me nervous to take that route. Because he sees his grades slipping and that doesn't bother him so I'm worried letting him fail a semester, he will just fail the next too. And we want to keep him at the Catholic school he is in, but repeating grades is not an affordable option but the public schools here are awful.
We did the notes with the teacher in years past but this year they want the kids to be fully responsible for keeping track, doing, and turning in their own homework. That's why this is the worst year so far regarding this issue. I will try and mention it at out conference but so far they don't seem like that's an option.
They do send home a homework is not an option sheet when its late, and we have to sign it and if he doesn't turn said homework in the next day, he then stays an hour after school. But this hasn't deterred the behavior either.
And we have spoken to him about doing 6th grade again and he states he doesn't want that to happen. He loves the school and his friends but what he tells us is he hates homework. We have the whole homework isn't optional talk and then he does the same things.
I'm all for natural consequences but kids with adhd usually need homework support for much longer then they typical child. My son is only 10 but I can see this going on until 9th grade or so. Something I didn't have to do with my non-adhd kids who are now grown.
Personally, I hate homework. I know this isn't helpful...more of a rant. But if my husband had to bring home work every night I would be pretty ticked about it. We say we want companies that offer higher quality of life with fewer hours but we keep piling it on kids. I understand that some kids need more work to understand the concept, but my kids do well without the homework. My adhd son gets all 100's (what he turns in) or 0's (what he loses or forgets). If that work isn't necessary to understanding the material, what the heck are they doing it for?
So that something in my post is useful, I agree with HighFlyingBird... Adhd kids need support for longer.
Is his ADHD med's still working AfterSchool? When my Son hit puberty, we had to do ADHD Med's in the morning before school and at lunch time.
If he took a large douse in the morning he would be a zombie till 10am or so.
Also Never got the Idea of doing homework as soon as you got home from school. Kids need a to relax there brains. do school for hours, get a little break, then do work again. When they get all that done. Its dinner time, then its to late to go out and hang with your friends its "To Late",
He also had ODD, so we wound up with a IEP and his teachers had to sign off on his agenda, and we limited "Busy" work homework. He was getting A's without doing the homework in the class work and the tests, so it hard to say you need to 60 minutes of so of Homework. What homework he did get he did in his resource (Study Hall) time.
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