Middle aged kids choosing not to get married or have kids (legally, teenagers)
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I'm 35 and my wife is 36. We did not get married until we were 28 and 29. We just had our first kid 3 months ago (first and probably last). A lot of folks in my generation, and even moreso in the generation after me, and waiting a lot longer to get married and have kids. It is not, IMO, a reflection on the parents at all. It's more of a societal thing. College costs an arm and a leg now and a lot of kids are saddled with monstrous debt. They simply cannot afford to get married, have a kid, and buy a car or house. Choices must be made, and kids/marriage are generally the first to get cut out. FWIW, my wife and I both adamantly opposed having a kid until about a year ago, so there is still hope.
They can more than afford children. Several.
They are in LTRs with like-minded bf/gf. My daughter got her tubes ties at 28. Son got a vasectomy at 30.
I too feel that it is a cultural/societal dynamic that has changed over the decades.
I have friends who met, and lived together for 25 years before they actually decided to get married. (No children due to wife's health problems.) Neither of them were of the mindset that they needed a "legal piece of paper" to validate their love for each other. When the male partner suddenly proposed out of the blue, we (their friends) were all surprised!
On the other hand, my son (31) and his wife (27) recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary, so you never know. All I care about is that they start pushing out the grandkids soon!!! (j/k!!! They will when they're ready!)
My two best friends and I are in our 40s. We are single and none of us have any intention of getting married or having kids. We just enjoy our freedom too much. Two of us are the products of unhappy marriages, but the one most opposed to marriage has two happily married parents who are devoted to each other. Her siblings' marriages leave a lot to be desired though.
In my perfect world, both my kids will be at least 28, have at least a MS, and be happily married for at least 5 years of fun and travel with their spouse before they have kids.
I want them to lead full and fulfilling lives. If they don't think that kids are part of that equation, then that's fine, and their choice.
We are doing our best to give them a happy childhood and an entrance into a debt-free, well-educated, adulthood. We also intend to teach them that children [should] make you grow up a lot and take responsibility for the life of another human being, and that we believe a life without children is less fulfilling, even if it seems easier, less costly, and more fun to have none. Really, though, no one can say, because you either have children or you don't. Nobody gets two lives to try it both ways.
If, after all that, they choose not to have children, I will not feel it is a reflection on my parenting, but their own personal and well-informed choice.
If I did any less, or if we forced our beliefs and desires on them, then I would worry either way (if they had kids of their own or not).
They are in LTRs with like-minded bf/gf. My daughter got her tubes ties at 28. Son got a vasectomy at 30.
I do feel this is beyond your average “don’t want kids” type behavior. Especially with the trend being delaying marriage/children vs negating permanently.
My older son is 43. He is unmarried and childfree, but he is in a longterm live-in relationship (about 20 years) with a woman who is also childfree.
My younger son is 38 and also never married. He is dating a slightly younger woman with a twelve-year-old child.
Neither of my sons has any desire to marry or have children. My older one has no interest in children and my younger one feels the world is overpopulated as it is and is going to Hades in a handbasket in any case. He doesn’t want to bring a child into it. He has a very good rapport with his girlfriend’s child.
I don’t think it has anything to do with my parenting.
I chose not to have kids because my mother was so obviously unhappy, and I didn't want to wind up like that. I'm happy!
My brother chose not to have kids because he thought there were enough to go around already.
My sister wanted kids, but could never find the right man.
My other 3 brothers all had kids; a total of 8 between them. Enough for the whole family!
So even within the same family, people have different goals and opinions. If you wanted grandkids, you should have had more children!
And did you call your 30-somethings "middle aged"? that's jumping the gun!
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