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Here is my take on this. I have an 11 year old daughter and I can tell you that things move faster now than when I was a kid and probably most of you were kids. For the most part guys have it easy. Girls have become the chasers and guys have their pick. When I was in school a girl that chased guys was called boy crazy at best and a bunch of other names were possibilities, and none of them very nice.
We also have five sons and I remember when some girl called our home asking to speak to one of our sons. My wife had answered the phone. She sweetly said to the little princess, so you would like to speak to my son? What is this about? The girl just wanted to speak to him. It was not about homework or any important thing. My wife kindly told the young lady that girls should not be making the first call when getting to know a boy. She went on to tell her, if our son was interested he would make the first call. Then she hung up. LOL
Our sons were raised to ask the parents first before going on a date or to some event. One of our sons had always went all out. He brought some chocolate for the dad and flowers for the mom before asking them if he could take their daughter to a school dance. The parents were very impressed.
When our daughter became a 6th grader this year she moved to the middle school. Some of her friends went over board with the boys. You had these young princesses hitting on the 7th and 8th grade boys.
Our daughter was not into that. She is too busy with her Cheer team, Taekwondo classes, and maintaining her A+ grade level. (She is #1 in her class of 396 6th graders.) She is also an avid reader and currently reads at a college level. She was reading at an 8th grade level when she was in the 3rd grade.
Last week we were at an end of the season party for Cheer. They had a dance floor and many of the girls and some of the boys that were there, were out there dancing. Her friends came and got her but she just was not feeling well She ended up coming back. I thought maybe she was just not into dancing. My wife asked her, what if you are at a school dance and a boy wants to dance with you? Her answer: "I will ask him what are your grades?, Do you go to Church?, What are your plans for life?
Our daughter has big plans for her life. She has known she would go into healthcare since she was maybe 3 or 4 years old. Her goal had always been to be either a Nurse or a Doctor.
Another story is with a woman that used to work at one of our clinics. We were working together one day and she ended up sharing a little about herself. Turns out that we had went to the same high school. I tell about my experiences there and how I loved that school. She tells me that she never went to any parties or school dances because of her dad.
She tells me that during her high school career her parents, specifically her dad had some rules. If a boy wanted to to take her out then the boy would have to ask the dad. All thru high school no boy would ask her dad. She would complain that boys don't ask the dads anymore. Her dad would tell her if a boy could not get up the courage to ask him then he was not as interested in her as she thought that the boy was. The first three and a half years of high school not one date, not one dance, nothing.
Finally this boy that she had known from before high school asked her out. She told him that she could not go out with him. He asked her why. She told him because to go out with him her parents had rules and no boy has ever wanted to follow any of the rules. He kept asking what he had to do to go out with her. She told him that it was a waste of time and no one ever wanted to go after her after they found out what they had to do. He was persistent. Finally she tells him that if he wants to go out with her he has to ask his dads permission. he says is that all? She says yes, but no one ever wanted to meet with her dad, a very big guy I might add.
This guy decides he is going to do it. He goes to her home and knocks on the door. She comes to the door and is shocked that he is there. He asks to speak to her dad and she is more shocked and scared. The dad comes to the door and he asked the dad if they can talk. Her dad invited him in and they sit in the living room and talk. The boy mentions that he is aware that the dad has rules for dating his daughter. The dad confirms that he does have rules for dating his daughter. They talk for a while. The boy asked the dad if he could take his daughter to the Home coming dance. The dad agrees to this after getting to know the boy. The boy agrees to all the other rules, which were all common courtesy things. Nothing weird or hard to follow.
The dad and the boy end up becoming good friends. Over the years they started hanging out together, watching football games, working on a classic car. This boy has become a big part of the girls family. In fact he is like a son to them. In fact he is their son in law. The happy couple have been together since their Senior year in high school and are getting ready to celebrate their 14th wedding anniversary next April.
I have no problem with rules to a point. Not the kind that the OP was talking about. We have gotten to know our older sons "love interests" over the years. We have become friends with many of our older sons former girl friends families. It is all about respect and values.
Maybe it's designed to make the boy prove he cares about her instead of saying, "Oh, you're so amazingly nice." Yes, I am sure that will totally be sufficient to ensure he is not only interested in her looks.
The more time you are required to spend on something, the more likely it is the pretenders just give up and the people left over are likely genuinely interested. (or else they would just pretend to care about someone else who does not require an application)
Anyone whose supply of prospective friends exceeds the time he can devote to friends can hold tryouts for friends. If enough people are interested, it can happen easily.
What question was very personal and intrusive? The school e-mail? If anything, I feel like those parents are lazy, since most school e-mails are a set formula. Assuming the girl knows her own school e-mail, the parents only need the boy's first and last name to have that on their own.
So asking that does not provide any new info.
Did you not see the post where the op copied the questions?
Your way of looking at friendship is twisted. The way you write about people gives the impression that you haven't had exposure to many varied people.
this is odd and a red flag. Additionally, the whole concept of over-protective dads with a list of 'rules' to date their daughter. To me it crosses over into the realm of the girl not having ownership of her own body or decisions.
She is a miner so she is not in control of her own body or decisions.
I'm on board with the posters who've said to RUN AWAY.
This is where it's nice if the parents are involved with a church group or scouts or other activity that brings parents and their children together. You get to know each other and there's no need for contracts or other creepy stuff. You also get to observe the characters of the youngsters and what sorts of drivers they are!
Yes, things are certainly different today, but I'd still go with my gut, and this situation seems off on a number of levels.
She is a miner so she is not in control of her own body or decisions.
Nah. She is too young to have a job.
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What would you do if your teen brought home an "Application to date my daughter/son" ?
In our case, it was delivered to my son Danny, by his "girlfriend" , Jackie, created by the stepdad with a note attached from the mother.
The attached note addressed him by his first name ,Danny (babybop) I surmise babybop is an apparent "pet name" this girl calls him. The mother asked him to be as honest as he could with his answers .
She signed the note, Love Sarah (Jackie s Mom )
One of the questions asked him to provide his school email address.
I didnt flip out but got kinda creeped out. As did my older kids ( 17 and 19) and husband.
What would you do ?
Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned getting to know the kid, first? Inviting him over for snacks, and having a chat? Letting the two hang out around the house a few times, before ok-ing actual dating?
What's wrong with people these days? Nobody wants to communicate face-to-face anymore, not even parents?
And when it comes to her body as far as relationships go, uh, yes she is control of her own body and decisions.
She is a teenager. Her parents are responsible for her actions. And as a teenager there are some decisions that she does not get to make. When parents stop being parents then teens are allowed to make decisions that they are not equipped to handle. Take dating, in our home and many others that we know of, no need for a boy friend or girl friend under the age of 16.
We encourage our kids to group date up to age 16. That means no steady dating. Teens are ill equipped to handle the pressures of having a steady boy friend or girl friend prior to that age anyway. In fact most are not equipped to handle dating someone steady until they are at least 18 years old. Our older kids thanked us for that. Too much drama they found from their friends that dated a steady BF or GF.
This all changes when the child becomes an adult. I remember taking one of our kids to the ER. He was 18 already, although still very much under my insurance. Guess what? I can not make the medical decisions for him. The staff at the hospital ask him the questions and he had to answer, not me the parent.
In our area we have a law that if kids do bad things parents get to pay for those choices.
Lets take teen pregnancy. When parents are acting as parents it teen pregnancy numbers drop. When kids are allowed to make that decision, numbers jump way up.
Many parents do not allow their kids to date someone that may not be appropriate for them. When one of our sons was a Freshman in High School he came home all excited. He told his mom that he had been asked to the Prom, something that few Freshman students get to go to. My wife told him that was exciting. She then told him that we would need to meet the parents and that she would drive them to the prom.
He tells us that he won't need my wife to drive. The girl that asked him has a car. My wife then asked how old this girl is. He tells her with a smile, 18 years old. Our son was 14 at the time. My wife told him NO WAY. My wife NOPED the heck out of that date. That is what a parent does.
As a side note, and keeping it to myself, I mentally high fived my son. Still thinking that he was too young for the girl but thinking how cool is that.
He did end up going to the next three proms with seniors his Sophomore, Junior, and Senior year. None of them were 18 at the time and he went with a group of friends each time.
I don't understand the rush to grow up anyway. Too much out there these days for teens to get into trouble with. So much better to have parents that will guide them and give them advice, direction, and set boundaries.
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You got me.