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This story is getting a lot of attention, but the funny thing is there are a lot of rightfully frustrated HUSBANDS who could easily make the same argument against their wives. Stories like that would never get this amount of coverage or garner nearly as much sympathy for the husband, though.
Wait a minute. According to her narrative, she handles ALL the "mom" stuff and ALL the housekeeping, as well as holding down what sounds like an executive job outside the home. She's begging him to at least put away the dishes, so she can have a small break? Who volunteered her to do the dishes, and put them away in the first place? I suspect she did. And what, her husband is incapable of running a vacuum cleaner, or scrubbing a shower/tub and sink once/week? I find that in some cases like this, it's the wife who boxes herself in, by simply taking on these tasks after marriage, without saying anything. Then, when kids come along, she suddenly finds herself stuck, and blames her husband, forgetting that it takes two to tango--two to communicate. She has a voice. She should have used it as soon as they moved in together. It's the new Millennium, people! Couples have been sharing tasks for a generation or two, now!
She could have established a rule from the get go: whoever cooks, the other one does the dishes (and puts them away, when they're clean). If she feels he's not a good cook, that would automatically mean he's the dish guy. Housecleaning is something all grownups do, when living alone (well, except for the guys that don't...) so there's no reason for her to take it all on. When they set up house together, they could have divvied up the tasks. But clearly, that didn't happen. Why didn't she say something, back then? Or at least, when the kids were born, and as she was getting ready to resume her office job, she could have initiated a conversation with her husband, about how, now that she would be going back to work, they need to work out a division of labor in the home, including child care.
But she didn't. And now she's making her guy out to be the bad guy. And going public with it, of all things. Sure, an "aware" guy would have offered, anyway. "How do you want to handle the home and baby front, after you go back to work? What do you want me to do, here?", he could have asked. But likewise, she could have initiated that discussion. Why didn't she? That's the mystery. Why wasn't it worked out when they moved in together? Another mystery.
The way I see it, she's making public not only his failure to offer to step up to the plate, but also her failure to communicate her needs, and her own assumption that she's the maid, as well as the cook, and a co-breadwinner. That is EXTREMELY old-school. She needs to acknowledge her own choice to do that, her own role in setting up the current scenario. Nobody held a gun to her head.
why did she have more than one kid? my mom was easily able to work full time, do all the housework, and raise me because I was an only child. and she didn't complain either.
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Originally Posted by theatomicbomb90
why did she have more than one kid? my mom was easily able to work full time, do all the housework, and raise me because I was an only child. and she didn't complain either.
I wonder if you've had a conversation with her about what that was like. "Didn't complain" doesn't at all mean it wasn't difficult. It means complaining gets you no where, except in a bad mood.
I wonder if you've had a conversation with her about what that was like. "Didn't complain" doesn't at all mean it wasn't difficult. It means complaining gets you no where, except in a bad mood.
she said she didn't get as much sleep as she would have liked the first few years, but after I started school things got easier. It also helped that we lived in a small apartment the first few years, so there wasn't as many house chores. She was also a big fan of cooking one huge meal on sunday and having us eat leftovers every day of the week.
it also helped that we didn't have much stuff. I had 20 toys and maybe 15 outfits at a given from ages 0 - 3. my dad isn't a hoarder either. he's happy with his few shirts and 2 pairs of shoes. My parents weren't rich at this time admittedly, but my parents combined income then was in the low 6 figures (early to mid 90s), so maybe lower middle class?
Last edited by theatomicbomb90; 03-26-2018 at 11:01 AM..
This story is getting a lot of attention, but the funny thing is there are a lot of rightfully frustrated HUSBANDS who could easily make the same argument against their wives. Stories like that would never get this amount of coverage or garner nearly as much sympathy for the husband, though.
Really?
Cuz on the RARE occasion I see the dude working harder than the chick in *any* marriage, I have totally supported the dude.
Really?
Cuz on the RARE occasion I see the dude working harder than the chick in *any* marriage, I have totally supported the dude.
Yeah, really, because while YOU may "support the dude," the general public is not conditioned to think that way when it comes to a male/female dynamic in a marriage when children are involved. Another example would be like how the courts and the general public almost immediately paint the dude as the bad guy with who deserves a huge target on his back and his pockets when a divorce occurs and child(ren) is involved, without even knowing or taking into account the whole situation or all the reasons WHY the marriage ended, and WHO was the main reason it ended (could have easily been the wife, because it's not always the husband).
Yeah, really, because while YOU may "support the dude," the general public is not conditioned to think that way when it comes to a male/female dynamic in a marriage when children are involved. Another example would be like how the courts and the general public almost immediately paint the dude as the bad guy with who deserves a huge target on his back and his pockets when a divorce occurs and child(ren) is involved, without even knowing or taking into account the whole situation or all the reasons WHY the marriage ended, and WHO was the main reason it ended (could have easily been the wife, because it's not always the husband).
Sorry you have totally fallen for this MGTOW narrative, but I know a lot of family lawyers (family and friends) who know that this is not the truth.
Do men still get screwed in divorces? Yes, sometimes. But it's not a done deal. And there are plenty of times a women get screwed. It's a totally different world than what you've been told. And my friends/acquaintances who are judges only care about what's best for the kid.
The concept that it is a rubber stamp in favor of the woman is a total fallacy.
This is interesting. I learned from one of our other posters, posting from the UK, that the government there does pay family members to provide care for elderly family members. One can register at an office that oversees that, and one is issued a monthly stipend. I don't know if there eare other developed countries that do something similar.
Yes, here in the US many state governments offer this as well.
Sorry you have totally fallen for this MGTOW narrative, but I know a lot of family lawyers (family and friends) who know that this is not the truth.
Do men still get screwed in divorces? Yes, sometimes. But it's not a done deal. And there are plenty of times a women get screwed. It's a totally different world than what you've been told. And my friends/acquaintances who are judges only care about what's best for the kid.
The concept that it is a rubber stamp in favor of the woman is a total fallacy.
Look, the point is, MEN can and do get screwed too in marriages when children are involved, whether it's at home in regards to how much work and help is provided and expected, or in the courts when it reaches the point of divorce. It's not just always one sided in favor of wife/mom the way some people are making it seem, was my point. But either way, common sense and stories like this one tell you whose side most people will automatically take either way...the WOMAN'S!!! It's one of those---admittedly, few---double standards that totally works in the woman's favor when it comes to public perception. You even took a jab at husbands/fathers yourself, insinuating that it's RARE that a husband does any significant or hard work that could even begin to rival what a woman can do on the home front and as a parent, and it's attitudes like that one that produce the double standard against men who DO help hold down the fort at home along with their wives.
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