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Seeking Parenting advise how to address this issue with my child.
Here is an email from my 8 year old (3rd grade) teacher:
"On Friday, a student at your son's table was writing a story about a monster she named Buck. Arnav informed the student that you can change the B to an F to make the word -----. The student was very upset, and came to tell me and then I talked with Arnav. Arnav acknowledged that he did this.
Today, during lunch, Your son and two other boys were overheard, by an adult, having a discussion regarding whether the "F" word could be spoken in another language. I talked with all three boys and Arnav said he did have the discussion, but didn't seem fazed about it, which is quite upsetting.
I am not sure why he is so obsessed with this word. I have been trying to guide him to make better decisions regarding his language choice. If this occurs again, he will receive a referral for his choice to use inappropriate language. "
I don't want to go overboard with this or simple ignore this as well. We have never seen him use cuss words before ever...but we would like to nip it from the start. He is generally a very well behaved and happy boy and I don't want to overreact and give more importance to that F word that I cannot yet clearly explain the real meaning yet, but also like to clearly send him a message that he just can't use such words ever.
Any help on how I should approach it my boy is really appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Seeking Parenting advise how to address this issue with my child.
Here is an email from my 8 year old (3rd grade) teacher:
"On Friday, a student at your son's table was writing a story about a monster she named Buck. Arnav informed the student that you can change the B to an F to make the word -----. The student was very upset, and came to tell me and then I talked with Arnav. Arnav acknowledged that he did this.
Today, during lunch, Your son and two other boys were overheard, by an adult, having a discussion regarding whether the "F" word could be spoken in another language. I talked with all three boys and Arnav said he did have the discussion, but didn't seem fazed about it, which is quite upsetting.
I am not sure why he is so obsessed with this word. I have been trying to guide him to make better decisions regarding his language choice. If this occurs again, he will receive a referral for his choice to use inappropriate language. "
I don't want to go overboard with this or simple ignore this as well. We have never seen him use cuss words before ever...but we would like to nip it from the start. He is generally a very well behaved and happy boy and I don't want to overreact and give more importance to that F word that I cannot yet clearly explain the real meaning yet, but also like to clearly send him a message that he just can't use such words ever.
Any help on how I should approach it my boy is really appreciated. Thanks in advance!
thanks!
Sit him down and tell him in a stern voice that you got a note from his teacher that he had been using words that children are not allowed to use.
Tell him that you do not use words like that, and that you do not want him to use it again at school or he will be punished. He is there to learn, and not to teach his friends things that could get them into trouble.
At the end, let him know that if he has questions about words he should come to you and ask you, and that from now on he should not say something at school that he wouldn't say to you or his mom.
I'm not going to nitpick the teacher's email, as some here will. The main point you want to get across is that he needs to learn the boundaries of appropriate behavior in groups, and he was clearly wrong.
I know you don't want to go overboard, but you do need to treat this with some seriousness so he gets it.
IMO, he's old enough to be told what the word means. 8 is old enough to learn about the birds and the bees, and then explain that there are nicer ways to talk about sex, and there are worse ways to talk about sex, and the F word is one of the worse ways, and at any rate, it's a word for grown ups, not 8 yr. olds.
IMO, he's old enough to be told what the word means. 8 is old enough to learn about the birds and the bees, and then explain that there are nicer ways to talk about sex, and there are worse ways to talk about sex, and the F word is one of the worse ways, and at any rate, it's a word for grown ups, not 8 yr. olds.
He may be old enough to understand cognitively what sex is, but if he's telling kids at the lunch table how to say the F word in other languages, he probably doesn't have the maturity to handle the information he gets.
My primary focus is my child, so I don't see the point in nitpicking on teacher's email itself or the way she is wording the event. I would like my children to be disciplined and well mannered along with being loved and care for. Clearly, he made poor choices and offended his mate(s).
I will speak with him with a stern voice and explain the consequences next time it happens he will be serving punishment both at school and at home. Appreciate your advise, Have a great day!
IMO, he's old enough to be told what the word means. 8 is old enough to learn about the birds and the bees, and then explain that there are nicer ways to talk about sex, and there are worse ways to talk about sex, and the F word is one of the worse ways, and at any rate, it's a word for grown ups, not 8 yr. olds.
Except no one uses it that way. There is no need to teach them disgusting slang words for sex at 8 years old. It's a curse, it's a "4 letter word", don't say it at school. Period.
He may be old enough to understand cognitively what sex is, but if he's telling kids at the lunch table how to say the F word in other languages, he probably doesn't have the maturity to handle the information he gets.
Not that it makes a much of a difference.
It was n't my boy telling kids at the lunch table how to say the F word in other languages, It was another boy who was telling him and other kids alternative F words....and he did ask me if I knew the meaning of a foreign word..I said, I had no idea since neither of us speak any Turkish (at that time, I had no idea about this event at school). I simply thought it was word he heard some where...and he wanted to know the meaning.
So I am under the impression there could be a kid who taught him F word in another language and he was part of this discussion or conversation and got caught or overheard by a teacher. Clearly, he should have walked away from the conversation and I want him to know that...that will be my effort tonight.
At that age I told my kids that swear words were for people who aren't smart enough to know other words. It worked at that age. As they got older I told them they could use whatever language they wanted when they were with their friends but that my husband and I (and our friends/family members) didn't want to hear them. Luckily, they played sports and all of their coaches banned swearing at all team activities so their language wasn't that bad. Now they are adults and they don't swear a lot (sometimes but not frequently).
It was n't my boy telling kids at the lunch table how to say the F word in other languages, It was another boy who was telling him and other kids alternative F words....and he did ask me if I knew the meaning of a foreign word..I said, I had no idea since neither of us speak any Turkish (at that time, I had no idea about this event at school). I simply thought it was word he heard some where...and he wanted to know the meaning.
So I am under the impression there could be a kid who taught him F word in another language and he was part of this discussion or conversation and got caught or overheard by a teacher. Clearly, he should have walked away from the conversation and I want him to know that...that will be my effort tonight.
thanks!
Good to know.
These “teachable moments” aren’t always fun but they can be funny (to parents). Sounds like you have a good handle on it.
You know on the plus side I see phonics work and peer discussion group work - he's definitely paying attention in school!
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