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Old 04-25-2019, 03:29 PM
2 posts, read 414 times
Reputation: 10



We just found out we are having a new baby. We had been trying for about 5-6 months and were finally successful. Ever since I've found out, I've been going through some anxiety and strife over it though, even though it was planned. I am primarily worried about how this will effect our existing family dynamic (i.e. my wife, my daughter, and I).

Looking back now, I realize that we weren't really missing anything in our family. We were very happy and content being just the three of us. Ever since I found out I've been really worried about the usual things: money, work load (how hectic our life will become), health issues associated with pregnancy. But, most of all, I'm worried about my relationship with my daughter. She is incredibly close to my wife and I. She's settled into being an only child fairly well and I've gotten accustomed to it just being the three of us. I've started asking myself weird questions, like, "is it ok to look back on that vacation we took as one of the best moments of my life?" "How can I when one of my kids wasn't even born yet?" "What would child 2 think if they ever found out I feel that way?"

I realize that I just found out about this and it will likely pass, but I can't help feeling like the last three years since my daughter was born, three years that are incredibly important to me, have been trivialized now that we know there is another one on the way. I find it hard logistically, a year from now, to look back at them as importantly as I do now.

I'd be interested to hear other peoples perspectives on this when they were going through it. How did you family transition? How did your child make the transition from being an only child to a sibling? How do you remember the years before your second child was born? Do you feel guilty holding those years in high regard?
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Old 04-25-2019, 03:49 PM
Status: "..." (set 18 days ago)
1,778 posts, read 761,047 times
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Having been there I can say that the years went by in a blur so I don't really remember much of any of it. Your older daughter may accept or reject the new baby. They may get along as they get older or dislike each other. There's no way to know and no way you can change how it works out. Do your best to care for your family and make new good times. It's natural to get a little freaked out now. Our second baby turned out to be twins.
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Old 04-25-2019, 03:57 PM
Location: Plainfield NJ
184 posts, read 62,790 times
Reputation: 599
The love you have will not be divided by your 2 children. It will it double.
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Old 04-25-2019, 05:15 PM
Location: here
24,821 posts, read 29,725,784 times
Reputation: 32228
You will likely look back and realize you are worrying needlessly. Of course things will change. You had to have realized that during the 6 months you were trying to get pregnant, right? There will be many more vacations and memories. I don't think you need any advice, other than to let this pass. I think it will.
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Old 04-25-2019, 05:51 PM
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,082 posts, read 19,998,202 times
Reputation: 26165
Your love will grow to fit your second child too. Being excited about your second child doesn't take anything away from your first child.

I think you're just feeling a bit of panic about the pregnancy. It's not uncommon to feel like that when it's not your first child, because unlike the first time around, you know exactly how much stress, money and work are involved in having a child. The difference is that you already know how to care for a child. You've already got a good pediatrician and your wife has a good obstetrician, you've already got experience with the whole process. It will be easier this time around and there will be more time to enjoy your family, since you won't be stressing as much about knowing how to take care of an infant.

This is a good thing. Congratulations! and don't worry so much.
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Old 04-25-2019, 06:19 PM
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,640 posts, read 22,861,869 times
Reputation: 37039
Perfectly normal thoughts. It works out. You will have enough love.
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Old 04-25-2019, 09:08 PM
1,112 posts, read 752,534 times
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You will be fine, and you won be able to imagine life without this child.
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Old 04-25-2019, 10:06 PM
3,025 posts, read 1,573,079 times
Reputation: 8276
It will be a huge gift to your daughter to have a sibling. Trust me.
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Old Yesterday, 05:51 AM
Location: SW Florida
9,915 posts, read 4,585,904 times
Reputation: 20923
My boys are 22 months apart and when I was pregnant with my second, which was planned, I started feeling the same way as the OP about not having enough time with my first son before we added to the family so soon. For me I think it was just hormones because it did pass. It will work out for you.
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Old Yesterday, 06:10 AM
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,357 posts, read 1,494,663 times
Reputation: 4186
You're doing a very nice thing for your family. You're giving both of your kids a sibling to share a life with; that's better than anything material or experiential (vacations and such). Parents are adults, and exist on an entirely different plane, so to speak. Growing up as an only child is a very lonely, boring, unhappy experience; I know because I'm an only child. By having a second kid, you're ensuring that neither of your kids will ever go through that.

Wishing you and your family members, present and future, well.
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