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Im sorry for your loss. I know how painful and disappointing that can be, but the problem is NOT the puppy.
Someone has to live up to the promise they made that puppy when they made it part of the family, and pay attention to it. Its not a lamp or a figurine. Its not a prop to make your life look complete. Its a living creature that needs love and nourishment, just like a child will and just like you and your partner need those things.
When you adopted that dog, you made a 10 to 14 year commitment to it. You said, okay puppy, we are your new pack (family). Just like when you have a child - or adopt a child - you make a lifetime commitment to it.
Sounds like it is part dachshund. Learn about the two dogs that went into creating it. Dachshunds are basically hounds. Hounds need attention, just like a child. If they cant get your attention by being good dogs, they will get your attention by being not so good dogs - oddly (or not), just like a child. Dogs are on the emotional level of a seven year old - try to keep that in mind when you get angry with the dog. You are getting angry with a seven year old. Display your anger as you would to a 7 year old, if you need to be angry at all.
Honestly, you have no business bringing a child into the world if you cant even handle a dog. Neither one is 'throw away', and both require complete commitment.
Try to remember that everything that you see as stressing you is exactly what you wanted. If you want a family, a partner, a child, a dog, you have buck up and live up to your commitments.
Best wishes, and take the advice of the poster above me that said get Marriage Counseling. Neither one of you are children anymore - in fact you both want to play adult games. Now, its time to learn to act like adults.
As with anything in life, you reap what you sow. Your relationship with the partner, with the dog, with a child, with an herb or flower garden - is only going to be as good as the work you put into them.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 07-06-2020 at 07:17 AM..
Im sorry for your loss. I know how painful and disappointing that can be, but the problem is NOT the puppy.
Someone has to live up to the promise they made that puppy when they made it part of the family, and pay attention to it. Its not a lamp or a figurine. Its not a prop to make your life look complete. Its a living creature that needs love and nourishment, just like a child will and just like you and your partner need those things.
When you adopted that dog, you made a 10 to 14 year commitment to it. You said, okay puppy, we are your new pack (family). Just like when you have a child - or adopt a child - you make a lifetime commitment to it.
Sounds like it is part dachshund. Learn about the two dogs that went into creating it. Dachshunds are basically hounds. Hounds need attention, just like a child. If they cant get your attention by being good dogs, they will get your attention by being not so good dogs - oddly (or not), just like a child. Dogs are on the emotional level of a seven year old - try to keep that in mind when you get angry with the dog. You are getting angry with a seven year old. Display your anger as you would to a 7 year old, if you need to be angry at all.
Honestly, you have no business bringing a child into the world if you cant even handle a dog. Neither one is 'throw away', and both require complete commitment.
Try to remember that everything that you see as stressing you is exactly what you wanted. If you want a family, a partner, a child, a dog, you have buck up and live up to your commitments.
Best wishes, and take the advice of the poster above me that said get Marriage Counseling. Neither one of you are children anymore - in fact you both want to play adult games. Now, its time to learn to act like adults.
As with anything in life, you reap what you sow. Your relationship with the partner, with the dog, with a child - is only going to be as good as the work you put into them.
It's unfortunate that the O.P. and his partner (by his own admission), adopted the dog that they did without doing the research on the breed beforehand--especially when knowing that they wanted to start a family in the very near future. I get the cuteness factor of the dog and that the O.P. wanted to let his partner have the dog as a comfort to her after the failed pregnancy, but still--it was irresponsible to impulsively bring a living creature into their home without looking into what that was going to entail.
This generally isn't a breed for a family with a small child and other pets with whom the dog is going to feel the need to compete for attention. Add to that the high likelihood that neither the O.P. nor his partner have bothered to properly socialize the dog with both people and other dogs during that crucial early window of the puppy's development? If things go on as they are, this is a recipe for a future trip to the E.R. for the baby and a trip to the vet to be euthanized for the dog.
As much as it's a commitment to take a dog into the home (I agree with you on that, Come Closer), it might be best for all who are involved to rehome the dog to a home who can handle it and give it what it needs before the baby is born.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 07-06-2020 at 07:30 AM..
It's unfortunate that the O.P. and his partner (by his own admission), adopted the dog that they did without doing the research on the breed beforehand.
Its actually an awesome breed. I have a basset hound mixed with some other hound. Basset Hounds are known for their 'willful misconduct' when they are being ignored. It is said that if they want to do something, you cant stop them, and if they don't want to do something, you cant make them. Sounds terrible right? Its actually what makes her so delightful. She is very loving, and even when she is being bad she cracks me up.
There is no breed of dog that will thrive without attention. They truly are just like children. Will someone be able to leave a child alone all day, ignore it when they get home because they are tired, and somehow end up with a well-adjusted child? No, they wont.
Its actually an awesome breed. I have a basset hound mixed with some other hound. Basset Hounds are known for their 'willful misconduct' when they are being ignored. It is said that if they want to do something, you cant stop them, and if they don't want to do something, you cant make them. Sounds terrible right? Its actually what makes her so delightful. She is very loving, and even when she is being bad she cracks me up.
There is no breed of dog that will thrive without attention. They truly are just like children. Will someone be able to leave a child alone all day, ignore it when they get home because they are tired, and somehow end up with a well-adjusted child? No, they wont.
I've been around this breed and its parent breeds and like them. (I love Bassets, too--your dog sounds like an adorable scamp!) I just wouldn't have an improperly trained and socialized one (of any breed) around a small child. If the O.P.'s partner is so neglectful of the dog's training now, will she have the wherewithal and common sense to teach the baby how to safely be around the dog? (Heeding warning growls, etc.) Given the O.P.'s partner's behavior towards the dog, I wonder if she'd even be willing to participate in the training of the dog with the services of a professional dog trainer.
Lack of research and knowledge of the time commitment that it is going to take to train the dog properly before adopting a new pet is how dogs end up in the pound....or worse. I feel bad for the dog in this situation as its owners are failing it.
In some cases, breeders are willing to take back dogs who, for some reason or another, don't fit well into their first adopted homes and find them new, more appropriate ones. I wonder if that is a possibility for the breeder of the O.P.'s dog.
You've got to get re-home that dog to a household that doesn't have ANY young children. Yes, that dog WILL bite the baby.
Do not get another dog until your youngest child is at least 5 yrs old. Also, this business about training a dog to eliminate inside the house on pads is NOT a step towards house-breaking. An animal will not soil in its own den - so you confine the dog to a crate, and take it outside the instant you open the crate, walk it on a leash until it pees and poops, then go back inside and play with it outside the crate for an hour or so, then put it back in for a couple of hours, then do the exact same thing again. If it pees or poops in the house, clean the space very well with something that kills odors, like bleach, or it will keep doing it in the same spot.
As you can see, this is a lot of work. And there is no way that someone with a newborn could do this, while taking care of a baby. Also, the smaller breeds tend to be snappy and nippy. There is a reason why you see all those happy photos of upper middle class families with elementary school aged children playing with the family Lab retriever.
" I can't bring it up because she shuts off and wont even discuss it because she says it's just that I hate the dog and therefore I should go and she doesn't believe the dog to be a risk and I'm overreacting but in my head it's my sons safety above anything else but she just wont accept that OR is purposely diverting the subject to shine me in a bad light so I give up arguing."
Do you hate the dog? Why do you hate the dog? Sure, its going to snap at anything that is mean to it. Animals are very perceptive to feelings. They know when you don't like them or are scared of them, just like they know when you like them and enjoy seeing them.
It's going to snap at the cat and the cat is going to swat at it until they work out their boundaries. Sometimes cats and dogs that live together play fight this way.
You don't seem to care about your wife's feelings. Do you think it will make her love you more, or calm her raging hormones any to force her to do something she doesn't want to do? Has it occurred to you that you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of resentment, or even cause a problem with the birth of HER son?
Let me tell you - dogs WANT to love their family, just like children WANT to love their family. Do you WANT to love your family, or just use your family as a control mechanism?
I mean, reading this - I have to agree. Re-home the dog. If you don't make some changes in you, you will probably be rehoming yourself soon.
Best wishes to the dog!
PS: Im surprised you have no fears involving the cat. Allergies is a big one, because of their dander. Would that be because the cat is considered to be yours?
Are we voting? My vote is that you and your partner should not have a baby or a dog. Pet rock is best for you. If your partner can't even do minor training for a small dog, your child is going to end up a neurotic mess. It's a heck of a lot harder to train a child than it is to train a dog.
Lots of people have dogs and new babies at the same time and it works out fine provided that the dog isn't totally out of control.
Chihuahuas are not that hard to train. They are smart and they like to please and receive praise and approval.
Really, there is no excuse for allowing the dog to behave so badly.
If you really want to have a baby, have you considered finding a different partner to do it with? Believe me, getting rid of this poor unfortunate dog is not going to solve the base issue.
I hate to say it, bit I agree with this poster. It doesn't sound like you folks are ready for a dog, let alone a child. Dogs, and kids, need consistency and it requires that both adults be "on the same page" regarding training, rules, and discipline. I don't mean discipline as in punishment, but discipline as in routine, and following a consistent schedule, and consistency of actions. Right now you have a tiny dog that under your joint care has become an obnoxious tyrant, imagine what your 3 year old will be like!
Please either re-home this dog, or pay for a trainer to come into your home and teach you how to properly train this dog. It will take time and discipline. If you both aren't up to that, and can't come to agreement on this simple problem, you are going to need some serious counseling on marriage and parenting. The fact that she is asking you to allow this dog to run your home, or leave, tells me that she is not thinking clearly. I know this is a trying time for you both with the loss of your unborn child, you have my deepest sympathy, but please address these issues before going forward. Her emotions are high with the hormones, so this needs to be addressed calmly, but the idea that she would rather have a dog than a husband and father to her child sounds quite extreme. Is her family in the area? Can you talk to her mom maybe?
edited to add: as someone else mentioned...small dogs are not appropriate for homes with very small children. They are fragile and can be severely injured just by dropping them on the floor, or accidently falling or stepping on them. Toddlers have poor motor control and fall down or place their feet without looking. They also don't really have a concept of consequences and could get injured by being bitten due to holding the dog too tightly or inappropriately (by the neck or leg) and the dog might act out of self-defense.
Last edited by TheShadow; 07-06-2020 at 01:15 PM..
Your dog isn't trained now. It is biting the cat. Hmmmm 2+2= bit baby. Cut your ties with the dog. Clearly you are out of your wheelhouse.
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