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Our college student is a freshman. He is a good student. As the parents we are aiding him financially. We are white collar-middle class working parents. Our student worked some over the summer but not excessively and taking many weeks off. He did not work at school. He did not work on break from Nov-early Jan. We pressed him to find employment. He sprung on us he is going to Miami on vacation with friends. The trip is booked without permission all non refundable. How would you react? What is a reasonable responds? We are both disappointed but disagree on how to handle this. TYIA!
He needs to find some work related to whatever he thinks his career choice is going to be. Internships, actual jobs, something. Jetting off to Miami on your dime shouldn't happen without prior discussion.
How did he pay for this trip? Assuming that he paid for it using the money that he earned over the summer, as unhappy as you might be about it, it's his money to spend as he sees fit.
In future, is there any way that you could set up firmer parameters about your expectations regarding work while utilizing his parental scholarship to the full, i.e., perhaps not working when school is in session, but on summer and other breaks?
He is expected to help with college expenses as
Much as he can. He will have to take out loans eventually.
He is planning on using his own money for the trip. I was clear to him that there were not to be vacations while he is in college.
I thought we had firm expectations but it seems we haven’t gotten through to him.
Yes he did pay for books and some personal supplies.
Some options discussed were::
Forfeit the trip
Go on the trip but he is expected to add twice the trip amount to his college savings.
Stop funding college upfront. Let him get the loan now and help him pay it back if he is more financially responsible.
Do nothing. Explain our disappointment and understand he made a mistake.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would choose to do the latter with the caveat that your expectations of him are reiterated regarding work. Expecting him to add money to his college fund is also reasonable.
Having him forfeit the trip is pointless and a waste of money that's already been spent and hamstringing a young adult with student loans when such loans can be avoided for the time being will simply cause unnecessary resentment and enrich banks with yet more interest from their usurious loans.
Given the events of the past year, finding consistent work was challenging for even those who were willing and able to work. This coming summer, be very clear that he'll receive no "passes" when it comes to not working and/or doing the bare minimum of work as things should be returning to some semblance of normalcy.
That being said, the college years are one of the few times in a person's life when they can experience certain things. If he's using his own funds (and not using student loan money as some of my friends did) to take a trip here and there, it's hard to see the issue so long as he's working to contribute to the parental scholarship fund and receiving solid grades.
He is expected to help with college expenses as
Much as he can. He will have to take out loans eventually.
He is planning on using his own money for the trip. I was clear to him that there were not to be vacations while he is in college.
I thought we had firm expectations but it seems we haven’t gotten through to him.
Yes he did pay for books and some personal supplies.
Some options discussed were::
Forfeit the trip
Go on the trip but he is expected to add twice the trip amount to his college savings.
Stop funding college upfront. Let him get the loan now and help him pay it back if he is more financially responsible.
Do nothing. Explain our disappointment and understand he made a mistake.
That's a little extreme.
That's what college kids do who live on campus do. They party. I know we're in a pandemic, but that's a whole nother topic.
Honestly, if he's a good student, what's the problem?
He's only freshman. He hasn't declared yet. There's nothing to intern in.
The mentality is to get kids out the door so they can start a career at 22 but that's short sighted. You need to educate him on how life and jobs work so he can choose an appropriate career and path. Otherwise, picking a major and getting a job is just going through the motions.
No vacations seems a bit extreme. Perhaps you need to go to, "at a minimum, this is how much you are going to contribute every year." Has he looked at on-campus employment through the Student Employment office?
I get it, I have a son that is a college freshman as well and he will need to take out some loans. At this age, they have no real concept of what this debt means. My son tried really hard to find work over the Christmas break and applied all over the place with no luck. Hoping that summer will be easier. I would do a % of all $ he earns go towards college expenses. If he feels like he gets nothing out of working, it kind of defeats the purpose. Having money is about making choices, prioritizing things you need or want. Re the trip, I would take that cost and say that as soon as he starts working he needs to pay off whatever the % of that trip cost is and put it to college expenses.
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