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But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
I feel for all of you but I dont think there is anything you can do to fix it. My ex DIL dropped my grands off when they were 12 and 16 to be with her ex con soulmate who just got out of prison, again. About a year later she lost custody of her daughter (my grands half sister). She hasnt seen her kids in 8 years. Your ex will live to regret this.
Even though the youngest despised his mom and wanted to live with me, being abandoned still hurt him. He had a few anger issues earlier on but has worked through it. I dont think the older grand will ever get over it.
Just be there for your adult children and listen if they want to talk (without bad mouthing your ex or his wife) and let them know how much you love them and that you will always be there for them.
But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
Stay out of it. My ex is exactly the same, but I have no say in how he lives his life. I haven't spoken to him in years, and the relationship he has with our kids belongs to them, not to me.
Your kids are adults, (yes it matters) and they know they have your love and support, that's all you can do.
Your kids are old enough to figure it out, and when they do, it will blow back on him. Is there anything in your divorce agreement about him paying for their education?
I feel for all of you but I dont think there is anything you can do to fix it. My ex DIL dropped my grands off when they were 12 and 16 to be with her ex con soulmate who just got out of prison, again. About a year later she lost custody of her daughter (my grands half sister). She hasnt seen her kids in 8 years. Your ex will live to regret this.
Even though the youngest despised his mom and wanted to live with me, being abandoned still hurt him. He had a few anger issues earlier on but has worked through it. I dont think the older grand will ever get over it.
Just be there for your adult children and listen if they want to talk (without bad mouthing your ex or his wife) and let them know how much you love them and that you will always be there for them.
Nope, I definitely cannot fix this. I'm sorry that your grandchildren are going through that, it's so painful. I'm sure he will live to regret it.
I am there for sure, always whenever they need me. I just don't understand how parents can do this to their kids, I could NEVER turn my back on mine, no matter how old they get.
Your kids are old enough to figure it out, and when they do, it will blow back on him. Is there anything in your divorce agreement about him paying for their education?
Yep, he will be a lonely old man one day.
The oldest is already out of school as a nurse, the youngest is graduating this year and will start nursing school in the fall, he has agreed to pay because he has been saving since they were born and that money is earmarked for education expenses. I'm thankful for that much.
Stay out of it. My ex is exactly the same, but I have no say in how he lives his life. I haven't spoken to him in years, and the relationship he has with our kids belongs to them, not to me.
Your kids are adults, (yes it matters) and they know they have your love and support, that's all you can do.
I'm sorry you have the same situation. I do stay out of it, it just hurts me that he is hurting our kids. Nothing I can do but hope he wakes up one day and in the meantime, I support them with all that I have.
I'm sorry you have the same situation. I do stay out of it, it just hurts me that he is hurting our kids. Nothing I can do but hope he wakes up one day and in the meantime, I support them with all that I have.
I can almost guarantee he won't "wake up."
Just reassure them that it has nothing to do with them as people. They will soon see the cause is his weaknesses and shortcomings. When my kids complained early on, I would just say things like, "Your dad is not a perfect man and he is sometimes influenced by the wrong things, but he loves you in his way."
Fast forward 10 years or so, and there is a parent-child relationship between my ex and kids. It just looks nothing like the one I have with them. They adjusted to his limitations and don't take it personally.
But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
I hate to say it, but there may be nothing they can do if he has decided to turn away. My best friend was her daddy's little girl, or seemed to be until the day her mother found out that he not only had another another woman, he'd had a child with her. For a time my friend had visitation days with her dad, but by thirteen his new wife had pulled him sufficiently away. When her mother took the father to court when he stopped paying child support, he lied and said it was because the mother didn't allow him to see his daughter, but my friend knew it was her father who always cancelled. She ran out of the courtroom. That was the last time she saw her father. She went to his house when she was 18, and he sent the wife to the door to say he was still "so hurt" by the way she ran out of the courtroom five years earlier, Thereafter, she sent him birthday cards on her own birthday for a few years to remind him that he still had a daughter until her half-brother sent her a note to stop sending the cards because their father was dead. But she checked, and he wasn't. He had his son lie about that, too.
She let it go after that. Years later with the advent of the Internet, she found out he had eventually died for real. No one ever notified her.
Your ex's new wife can't make him take down photos or do anything else unless he agrees to it, so it sounds as if it is his choice to turn his back on his children. Very sad, but it is something they will have to work through. You can't do it for them.
Just reassure them that it has nothing to do with them as people. They will soon see the cause is his weaknesses and shortcomings. When my kids complained early on, I would just say things like, "Your dad is not a perfect man and he is sometimes influenced by the wrong things, but he loves you in his way."
Fast forward 10 years or so, and there is a parent-child relationship between my ex and kids. It just looks nothing like the one I have with them. They adjusted to his limitations and don't take it personally.
They do. My daughter's father is an alcoholic. She came to understand that her father was the way he was and that it had nothing to do with her. She loves him, and they have a relationship, but as you say, she knows his limitations. Our relationship is different.
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