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Most 18 year olds are too clueless and vulnerable to make mature life decisions.
They still need a lot of guidance from parents at that age.
That is especially true of kids who are inclined to choose useless college majors.
There is no “useless college major” - just useless college students who don’t do things like internships, working, etc. to make themselves more marketable. It really gets old seeing this tired saying over and over. A lot of the people who come on here complaining that they can’t find work literally did nothing in college and then are coming out with no work or volunteer experience. It’s no wonder they can’t find a job.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizap
Once your kids go off to college, .... We may think are mature and we know what they are doing, but when they get around others, they may be persuaded to do inappropriate or even harmful things, ....
Hopefully you know your kids well enough to know what choices they will be making in your absence. Presumably you have been tasking them with important decisions and responsibilities from a very early age, and they have demonstrated predicatable behaviors in doing so.
As mentioned above, all kids are different and no magic formula works for all.
I'm a proponent of stretching your kid's reponsibilty very early in life, including education objectives, finance, and choosing friends. (Probably because I was tasked with caring and providing for my parents the day I turned 18, and forever thereafter). I wanted my kids prepared for that task should they too face a quick need to grow up. Kids are very resilient and creative and capable (and usually prefer more responsibility (freedom) to less. ) Running a family business or farm, doing significant work, being responsible for finances is pretty core to growing up and making the correct important decisions. All that can start by age 12 with many kids, but not all.
Do what is right for yours, assist your kid's friends in knowing what is right, and consequences for not.
I was too mature for college at 18. I dropped out and got a job because wasting my family's money to be the only responsible person in a dorm full of drunken idiots got very old very fast.
This SHOULD be posted on billboards. Sorry about the typo! Sometimes I wonder where my brain is!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizap
Once your kids go off to college, most of us really have little clue to what they’re doing or where they’re going. While some are mature enough to handle this, many are not. We may think are mature and we know what they are doing, but when they get around others, they may be persuaded to do inappropriate or even harmful things, such as drugs or drink excessively,
I was the weird mom on college tours. I asked about (1) the drinking culture and the number of transports to the hospital for alcohol poisoning on weekends. I asked about (2) the college graduation rate for 4, 5, and 6 years. With a lower four year college graduation rate, there is pretty good chance that drugs and alcohol are involved. I asked how (3) many students did internships to see gage how serious the college/student were. I also asked about (4) fraternities/sororities as they promote drinking. No fraternities/sororities is better. Finally, how (5) many students remain on campus on weekend. At home, I search the internet for negative news like the suicide rates at colleges.
I'm cynical enough to know that bad stuff happens on college campus. The best option for my kids was small colleges and not party schools.
By the time a child is 18, you know so stuff. (1) If they focus on social activities at the expense of the education. (2) Are the easily lead by their friends? (3) If they are good with chores and other commitments at home. (4) Do their promises mean something? These are signs of maturity or immaturity.
A community college is the best place for immature kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boffking
I was too mature for college at 18. I dropped out and got a job because wasting my family's money to be the only responsible person in a dorm full of drunken idiots got very old very fast.
Exactly! This why one of my children transferred to a local college and moved back home. We saved money and she lost the crazy drunks. She took on an internship which became a full time positions in senior year. Came out of college with a degree, a solid work history and a job. A much better option!
Last edited by YorktownGal; 01-25-2023 at 11:30 AM..
Hopefully you know your kids well enough to know what choices they will be making in your absence. Presumably you have been tasking them with important decisions and responsibilities from a very early age, and they have demonstrated predicatable behaviors in doing so.
As mentioned above, all kids are different and no magic formula works for all.
I'm a proponent of stretching your kid's reponsibilty very early in life, including education objectives, finance, and choosing friends. (Probably because I was tasked with caring and providing for my parents the day I turned 18, and forever thereafter). I wanted my kids prepared for that task should they too face a quick need to grow up. Kids are very resilient and creative and capable (and usually prefer more responsibility (freedom) to less. ) Running a family business or farm, doing significant work, being responsible for finances is pretty core to growing up and making the correct important decisions. All that can start by age 12 with many kids, but not all.
Do what is right for yours, assist your kid's friends in knowing what is right, and consequences for not.
Theoretically, this is how it should work. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many instances where it doesn’t. For example, I know a situation where someone was raised in a very good home, went to an excellent private high school, taught to be responsible, etc., - went off to college - slept around, drank excessively, took drugs, etc..
I was the weird mom on college tours. I asked about (1) the drinking culture and the number of transports to the hospital for alcohol poisoning on weekends. I asked about (2) the college graduation rate for 4, 5, and 6 years. With a lower four year college graduation rate, there is pretty good chance that drugs and alcohol are involved. I asked how (3) many students did internships to see gage how serious the college/student were. I also asked about (4) fraternities/sororities as they promote drinking. No fraternities/sororities is better. Finally, how (5) many students remain on campus on weekend. At home, I search the internet for negative news like the suicide rates at colleges.
I'm cynical enough to know that bad stuff happens on college campus. The best option for my kids was small colleges and not party schools.
By the time a child is 18, you know so stuff. (1) If they focus on social activities at the expense of the education. (2) Are the easily lead by their friends? (3) If they are good with chores and other commitments at home. (4) Do their promises mean something? These are signs of maturity or immaturity.
Exactly! This why one of my children transferred to a local college and moved back home. We saved money and she lost the crazy drunks. She took on an internship which became a full time positions in senior year. Came out of college with a degree, a solid work history and a job. A much better option!
Maturity is very dependent on the individual and how they were raised. Our oldest became an RA in a freshman dorm midway through freshman year. Continued as RA there for the rest of her college career. So even as an 18/19 year old, she was providing mature guidance to some of the freshman, including have to walk them down the hall to pour out their beer or call the police when she found drugs. Truth is the vast majority of the kids there might have gotten a little loose with their new found freedom the first semester, but they settled down by second semester and got to work on the important stuff or they didn't come back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizap
Theoretically, this is how it should work. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many instances where it doesn’t. For example, I know a situation where the girl was raised in a very good home, went to an excellent private high school, taught to be responsible, etc., - went off to a large state university - slept around with many guys, drank excessively, took drugs, etc..
You didn't say here, but one thing I've observed, as well as kids and friends from college, is being raised in a good home by itself doesn't prevent problems. While there is no 100% guarantee in life, besides a good home is how they were developed and raised during those critical tween/early teen years to become independent thinkers and self responsible. Too much protection prevents them from developing key life skills. Let them fail early and make small mistakes early on so they can learn from them. Just seen too many kids who were shielded and protected from everything suddenly lose it all when they had to be self responsible.
We don't get to flip a switch and 18 and declare they are now adults; we spend the previous 8 years turning up the dial on adulthood. One day I came home from work to find my youngest waiting for me. He'd had a small accident to tell me about, hit a mailbox. I asked him what he's doing about it? He had talked to the homeowner and was going over on Saturday to put up a new mailbox for them. He then asked me if I was going to punish him? I told him "No, you did everything right, you took responsibility and are fixing it." He then asked me if this was what being an adult was like. He then said "I don't like it. I'd rather get punished." Welcome to growing up.
Most 18 year olds are too clueless and vulnerable to make mature life decisions.
They shouldn't be able to be drafted, vote, or work if that were the case. We've decided as a society that 18 is exactly the age people are mature enough to do everything but drink. And maybe buy pistols.
They shouldn't be able to be drafted, vote, or work if that were the case. We've decided as a society that 18 is exactly the age people are mature enough to do everything but drink. And maybe buy pistols.
If they really were mature enough to make adult decisions, then so many of them would not come out of college with massive student loans they struggle to pay for decades.
That is an indication of lack of guidance and real life experience.
They shouldn't be able to be drafted, vote, or work if that were the case. We've decided as a society that 18 is exactly the age people are mature enough to do everything but drink. And maybe buy pistols.
A lot of under 21 year olds are getting into bars.. Why are the police not raiding the bars and checking IDs?
The current LSU case is making me think this might be the case. Much drinking/partying often goes on during the freshman year. In some cases, grades may be so adversely impacted, making it difficult to recover.
Depends on the kid. A kid wanting to party will party as a 19 or 20 yo freshman as well. A kid who can balance academics with partying is a kid who can succeed at any age.
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