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I suppose I am the lone dissenter here. For me, spanking is never an option. It basically is telling the child this: If someone is bigger, they can hit you! If you are bigger then someone, you can hit them.
I was not spanked by my father but my mother spanked a lot. She just could't deal with things so it was easier for her to hit. sad!
Shanny
I never understood this logic. Does putting s child in timeout teach them that someone bigger than you can put you in timeout? Does grounding them or taking toys away teach that someone bigger than you can ground you?
What if the child refuses to stay in timeout? How do you make them stay in their room or stay in the house all weekend? Does just telling your child to sit wotk? I have seen mothers repeatedly tell a child to sit down or stop this or that, and the child just ignores the mother. He has no respect whatsoever for her authority. Out in public, her options are limited. I see it in the store, doctor offices, etc. The mother is embarrassed and frustrated. But to me, she is weak and doing a diservice to her child. The child finds security in knowing his parents are in control. If that means a swat on your bottom to get your attention, then that is the best. Boys can be physical and strong minded. If they grow up without a dominate male presence, it can be disastrous for them. Just threatening timeout and talking to them does not always work. You have to back it up with something that they are afraid of...ma spanking!
I usually put on my kilt, paint my face with some war paint before said battle cry. It makes the spanking much more effective. Belt are for wimps. Cat O' Nine Tails for me.
I was spanked. I dont do drugs, i dont lie, i dont cheat, i dont steal, i dont back talk, i dont disrespect my elders, i obey the law and i contribute all that to my being spanked.
Any time that I did wrong and was not spanked the only thing that went through my mind was "I got away with it"
I was spanked and did pretty much all those things - should I attribute that to my being spanked?
I don't know. We spanked our twins on the butt from about age 3 - 5, but now grounding/taking away priviledges works. Overally, they're quite well behaved, and people tell us how well behaved they are.
I was spanked as a kid up until about 1st grade, and I wasn't scarred by it. I just don't see how reasoning works with a 3-4 year old.
What if you tell your child to go to their room, but they refuse. What would you do? What if you told them to do anything, but they refused. What recourse do you use? Honey, now let's sit down and talk about what you did wrong. What if they say no, I'm not talking about anything. I'm going to put you in time out! Who cares, I'm not going to stay in time out. What are you going to do to make me stay in timeout? What threat are you going to use? After all, that's what you are doing. You are using your dominance to make them do what you want them to do.
Whether you spank them to get their attention or threaten them with other measures, such as taking things away from them etc. you are using your dominance to domesticate them or get them to conform to what you want. That is why the " you should never spank your kids" crowd seems hypocritical to me. The ones that say, you are teaching your kids to hit. But they don't think you are teaching your kids to take things away from other people, if that is the discipline they used. Or, you aren't teaching your kids to force others into sitting or time outs, etc. A large portion of the population was spanked in their early years , and turned out fine. But liberal discipline folks always point to the exception and try to make it the rule. A good swat is needed at certain times and for certain kids. Some kids may never need to be spanked. Some may need it more often. I hardly ever spanked my kids, maybe once or twice in their life. Never once when they were past the age of 5. They learned early on, that I was in control, not them. It allowed them to be kids and know they had boundaries and there was a hierarchy to the family. No one was was ever stressed out about going to the store,etc. No problems in school. I hate it when I see stressed out moms in the store trying to control their kids and can't. The mom is stressed, the kids are crying and stressed. To me, that is totally unhealthy. It brings more emotional and stressful problems to the kids. They are confused because they know mom or dad can't control things and they are too young to have that much power and bargaining power over their parents.
I think it is possible to let your kids know you are in charge without resorting to spanking. We did. It means being consistent and respectful. We are strong disciplinarians--much more so than many other parents we know but we don't spank. We try to present a united front, we are fair and we have pretty high expectations for their behavior and they know this. They want to please us.
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If you are bigger then someone, you can hit them.
