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My son is still living at home; he's 20 years old today. In my household, if you're over the age of 18, you either pay rent or you go to school full time. I've told my kids this since they were in their early teens.
Due to some emotional issues with a girl, he wasn't doing so well in his first couple of semesters at community college, so he took a semester off, and during that time he was working full time and paying me rent. I charged him enough to make it somewhat uncomfortable for him, as the whole idea is to drill into his head that an education is important! He has been working as a bagger/checker at a grocery store nearby, making about $8 an hour, which doesn't go very far unless you're living at home!
He has since decided to go back to school in the fall; I told him that if he showed me that he's registered for school, he doesn't have to keep paying me rent. He doesn't know this, but I did that so I could see how he saves vs. spends his money. I'm trying to get an idea of how responsible he has become. All of the rent money that he has paid me to date (about $1,600) has gone into a special savings account; I'm going to give that money back to him once I see that he's not going to just spend it on something frivolous.
At this point, he still needs some guidance, but he's doing pretty well. We talk a lot about everything, and we had some pretty bad times about a year ago when he got angry that I wouldn't let him buy a car (my father saved about $5,000 for him). I told him this was something he had to earn by being responsible. A car is a privilege, not a right. He got very angry with me, but I'm tough. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he has to show me that he is one. By working full time and paying me rent each month without me having to ask him has showed me that he is indeed maturing. I just hope that he'll do well in school this time!
OP, about your daughter, you have the right to set rules in your own household. If your daughter doesn't like the rules, she can move out. I bet when she sees how difficult it would be, she either won't leave at all, or she'll leave for a month or two but then come back. Even older teenagers still need limits. Parenting is hard work, and I know none of it is appreciated until they're much older, but in the long run this approach pays off. And having said that, let me add that I pick my battles carefully. I let him know how displeased I am if he comes home too late without calling, etc., but I don't make a huge issue out of it. Then again, I believe that he's drinking occasionally with his friends, but not using drugs at all. If you think your daughter might be getting into drugs, then you need to do something about that.
After she graduated, she was asking to go places. I told her she is 18, and I "legally" cannot "make" her do anything. Well, that has gone to her head.
First, she leaves at 11 pm to go "see friends" a couple weeks ago.
Next, she is at a party where I heard through the grapevine that there was alcohol. She says she didn't, but I've heard otherwise. She got home at 2:30 am that night.
Then, yesterday...she got home at 1:30 a.m from picking up a friend at a town an hour away, bringing this friend to another town an hour away from that one, and comes home. Then she is on her cell for 2 hours or so and wants to leave at 3:30 A.M. to go MEET with some more friends. 3:30 ???? I told her no. She goes to "bed"...I get done with my work at 4:20 am, shower, and go to bed about 5 am. I am almost asleep and hear a noise. SHE left! Her car is gone! I called her on her cell and gave her a piece of my mind. She returned home about 11:30 am or so and then had to work from 1:30 pm to 8:30 pm.
Needless to say, I am furious and ready to make her pay rent since she is acting so "adult"
These are all things she would be doing if she had already moved onto campus for school or if she had her own apt. This way at least you know she is getting home safe. And she is probably going to do a lot of things in her adult life that you don't want her to do, but you don't have any control over it at this point. (at least over the things she does when she's not at your house).
Is she already enrolled in school for the fall? Is she going to be living on campus or still with you? If she is going to live with you and has to pay for school herself I probably wouldn't make her pay rent or food. If she has her own car I would have her pay her car payment and insurance. I would also have her pay for her cell phone. I would also probably still help her buy clothes.
When she starts school in the fall, I would set some conditions. She needs to hold down a certain GPA (you pick the number) in order to keep receiving the free housing, food, etc... If her GPA suffers because of her late-night antics, free ride is over. That puts the ball in her court, and you don't have to set a bunch of rules (curfew, etc...). It is also more likely to make her take responsibility for her own actions, as opposed to you having to be the police.
When she starts school in the fall, I would set some conditions. She needs to hold down a certain GPA (you pick the number) in order to keep receiving the free housing, food, etc... If her GPA suffers because of her late-night antics, free ride is over. That puts the ball in her court, and you don't have to set a bunch of rules (curfew, etc...). It is also more likely to make her take responsibility for her own actions, as opposed to you having to be the police.
My daughter started paying rent on the first of the following month she turned 18. How ever many people there are in the home, divide that up and have the child pay that percentage. Same with utilites. (I have it all in a seperate bank account....will probably gift it to her one day)
She doesn't pay for any food or other things, I provide all the groceries and stuff.
But she lost her eyeglasses.... She paid for her exam and eyeglasses. She gets sick, she pays for her doc bills.
I wish I could impose a curfew....but I haven't. I tried but it seems there is a lot of tension.
She is enrolled in school, but has yet to sign up for classes I've discovered. I still haven't talked with her, she's been working, I've been to birthday parties and gonna enjoy some free time tonight, but the "talk" is coming. I am closer to deciding what to do thanks to all the great feedback here and from my family.
She has been very responsible (at least on the outside) up to this point. That is why this is difficult as I hate seeing her slip backwards. I want to nip it in the bud before it spirals out of control.
She pays for her car, gas and her Dad has paid her insurance until Sept, after that, she'll be on my policy cause it is cheaper but she will pay for it. She pays for her cell phone.
I don't really like the curfew idea, I never had one, but didn't need one implemented either cause I didn't have a car. But I also DO not like the fact that she's leaving at all hours of the morning...at all.
As long as it is summer and she is not in school YET, I think I will ask for rent, say $150. She has been more spoiled than she realizes and I think she needs to realize that not everything can be a free ride. I like the GPA idea. I think if she reaches the certain GPA, haven't decided what number yet, than I will drop the rent as long as she keeps it there. AND, all the while putting the $$ in an account and keeping it "for her" without her knowing.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CountryGal27
How much freedom do you give to an 18 y/o that lives in your house, doesn't pay rent (as of yet), has two PT jobs, and is planning (and better) to go to school in the fall?
Curfews?
Make them pay rent?
Make them pay for some food?
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Its hard.
My son is 18 and is currently working 2 jobs.
He fell in "love" and had been living in an apartment with another couple.
They faught over the roommates dog that is not house broken. My son refuses to leave his "love" behind and come home. They come to us with "We have no where to go can we stay with you for a short while." This was on Friday. Not wanting our son on the streets, we agree to a very short while.
By noon on Saturday we were out looking at a place that I found them. Not the greatest place, but a lot better than where they were. Better neighborhood and affordable enough that they shouldn't need roommates.
On one hand, I feel horrible for making my son move out BUT I am not about to have them living here. In the couple of months my son has been out, my husband and I have enjoyed being a couple again. The house stays clean, things stay in their place and I know what food I have on hand.
On the other hand, I feel we are making him become an adult and leading him in the right direction. If they want to play house, in my opinion, it should be in their own place.
It is truly HARD to let go or even give them a push, but some will never learn if they are given the "easy" way.
How much freedom do you give to an 18 y/o that lives in your house, doesn't pay rent (as of yet), has two PT jobs, and is planning (and better) to go to school in the fall?
Curfews?
Make them pay rent?
Make them pay for some food?
Thoughts?
If they live in your house, they live by your rules. Period. End of discussion. It is not a Holiday Inn. It also means that they contribute to the running of the household by helping out. And chipping in for the mortgage and power doesn't let them off the hook.
That being said, if they're living with you and going to school, it is pointless and dumb to charge them for their living expenses. After all, the entire reason they're living with you is to keep expenses low while going to school. If they're having to work a full-time job to pay tuition and living expenses, that defeats the purpose. On the other hand, a part-time job to cover costs isn't a bad thing at all.
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In my household, if you're over the age of 18, you either pay rent or you go to school full time. I've told my kids this since they were in their early teens.
If he wants to be treated like an adult, he has to show me that he is one. By working full time and paying me rent each month without me having to ask him has showed me that he is indeed maturing. I just hope that he'll do well in school this time!
), has two PT jobs, and is planning (and better
