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I am new to this forum, but I have lurked on here for the past 2 years. I could really use some advice on this issue I am having with my dad.
I am currently 25 years old and live with my dad. The only reason I live with him is because almost 2 years ago my parents got a divorce. At the time the divorce, I was still living at home. I could not afford rent anywhere due to a low paying job and rent being really high on the east coast of Florida.
I eventually got a better paying job that allowed me to rent a place, but with a roommate. Towards the end of my parents divorce my mom started to get really nasty towards me because I wasn't taking her side in the divorce, but then again, I wasn't taking my dads side either because their divorce was none of my business.
When the divorce was finalized I was ready to move out of my parents home due to some of the s**t I was dealing with my mom. My dad had asked me if I could get an apartment with him so my little sister could be able to have regular visits with him every other week. He also wouldn't have been able to see my little sister as much as he does now had I not agreed.
So I agreed and moved out of my home I grew up in and into a place with my dad. When I moved out I chose to never speak to my mom again due to some of the wicked stuff she said to me.
During the time of me living with my dad, I drove a motorcycle to get around. I eventually had a motorcycle accident which left me with a broken leg from a car who did a u-turn in front of me, but did not see me. Towards the end of my recovery my grandparents on my dad's side, offered to buy me a car so that I wouldn't get another motorcycle. I agreed to it because I was getting tired of being so hot while riding the thing. When they bought the car we decided to put the title in my dads name so I could get cheaper car insurance through my dad.
In the state of Florida you will get a good a** f*****g from car insurance companies if your male under the age of 25.
Back in March of this year I told my dad I was going to move out September 1st (our lease ends). Because I wanted to do things with my life. Like go back to school. Helping him out with expenses was preventing me from doing so. He understood and agreed to it.
Well back in June I wanted to give him a reminder that September was getting closer and told me something along the lines of something my mom would have said to me, thus the reason I haven't spoken to her in 2 years.
He told me, "well if you leave me, then I will sell your car because I still need to survive to when your gone".
I was shocked. That he was now blackmailing me. I couldn't afford to be making payments on a new car. The car he was referring to was the one my grandparents bought for me which was fully paid off from them.
He could technically sell it because it was in his name, just because of the cheaper insurance i was after.
I told him, "look I want to live my life, I want to do things with it. I don't want to waste more years waiting for you to get a bigger income. You knew I was leaving months in advance and you agreed to it. Why are you doing this now"? He didn't say anything.
2 weeks go by and we speak again about the whole car issue and he agrees to sign the car over to me. "He tells me, I will just have to try and figure something out when the time comes. I hope your happy for leaving your father out in the street".
Then my grandparents on my dads side, start getting on my case about leaving my dad, "you are abandoning your dad, your putting him in a situation to suffer. Whenever you leave him, don't come over here anymore. "
"Family helps each other out, just like how we helped you get a car".
I then told them, "Family also doesn't blackmail or use extortion on other family members to benefit them very selves". They reply, "what your dad said, he didn't mean. He was just blowing hot air because he was upset".
(My dad never apologized to me for what he said)
I told them, "I have a life I want to live, how much longer must I wait around and help my dad out till he gets a better income?"
What should I do? Can any of you relate?
Last edited by Whitewolf26; 07-02-2015 at 06:26 PM..
Reason: Misspellings
Sounds like you are doing what you should be doing. Getting on with your life. You might have to do it without a car (I would rather not give them leverage, honestly).
You need to move out, and move on. Your parent's mess is not your doing. HighFlyingBird is correct. I'm not of the mind you should offer up the car though. It was given to you, and you have no obligation to hand it over to your father to sell if he is willing to sign it over. Pay the higher insurance, and consider it the price of freedom.
I think your grandparents are just trying to help you and your dad get along. They defend him when speaking to you, but they are probably defending you when speaking to him. They're probably just trying to get each of you to try and look at this from the other's standpoint.
Your dad should not have threatened to sell your car. He was being childish, just like your mom had done. Divorce does funny things to parents. It messed up my parents too. Try to forgive your parents for their mistakes.
From what you've posted, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. You have a right to move out and become independent. Your father should understand that. He's probably just afraid of losing you. Go ahead and move out, but try to avoid fighting about it more than necessary.
I spoke to a close friend about my situation and he stated that the best thing is to move out, because not only am I putting my life on hold by continuing to live with my dad, but I am enabling my dad from bettering himself. Something I did not think of.
Wow a lot happens to you that's not your fault. Don't feel better because people on an internet forum agree with you. Be an adult, depend on yourself.
Heck, I did not think that the OP came across as helpless as his father. Dad must be someplace in his mid 40s to mid 50s and needs his 25 year old son to help him pay the rent on his apartment. Sheesh.
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