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I have just about had it with my kids' behaviors. I have two kids - one is 3 and a half and one will be 2 in a couple of weeks. The 2 year old does nothing but cry. every. single. minute. The 3 year old is generally more of a happy child but she is out of control and runs all over the place, doesn't listen to a word I say. Like today, she was playing in a laundry basket, rocking it. I told her to stop, 3 times, and she finally ran into her room with the basket. I had to chase after her and grab the basket. Or earlier as well, we were eating dinner and she kept getting up from the table. I told her several times not to get up but she kept doing it, and we were at a restaurant where that's not appropriate. She ended up not getting a small 25 cent token that I was going to buy her from the restaurant if she behaved, but usually if she misbehaves I take away one toy that she already has. I can take away all of her toys and it makes no difference to her, although she will cry for a few minutes, but then it's like it never happened and she's back to not listening.
I've tried to spank the older one (figured the younger one is too young) and that doesn't work either, plus I just end up feeling so guilty over it because I've never thought it right to hit another human being, even though I understand the purpose of it and don't judge any parent who is able to spank and use it as an effective disciplinary tool.
We used to want several kids but now I think I am done. My husband is here, but he is often studying or working as he goes to school full time and works full time.
I've tried time outs. Those don't seem to work either as the children don't realize why they are in time out.
I am very frustrated. I need some sort of parenting program or book that gives step-by-step instructions for how to deal with 3 year olds who don't listen and 2 year olds who cry all the time.
My son is almost 2 and a master of disaster. He destroys everything and listens about 10 percent of the time. We bribe him with food. You can't reason with them, you just need to force them to do things and let them know you are in control. A toddler should not cry all the time though. Maybe you should check with his doctor?
My son is almost 2 and a master of disaster. He destroys everything and listens about 10 percent of the time. We bribe him with food. You can't reason with them, you just need to force them to do things and let them know you are in control. A toddler should not cry all the time though. Maybe you should check with his doctor?
I think she is just very sensitive. The slightest thing upsets her. I'm not really sure I foresee any medical problems. It's like, tonight, she wanted to sit with me, so she cried. She wanted the cheese on my salad, so she cried. She wnated to get up and walk around, so she cried. She is happy often, but I have to be distracting her with things 24/7 for her not to be crying about something else. She cries every night before bed. I've tried everything - rocking her, cuddling her, everything. The only way for her to go to sleep is to cry.
They are acting like typical children. My 3 1/2 year old does the same thing. If she doesn't listen or acts up then she gets a toy taken away. Time outs seldom work. I have found the best way to get kids to behave? Give them an outlet for their energy. Most of the time she is acting out is because she has tons of energy and needs to get it out. If I take her to the park and let her run and get it all out there is a huge difference in her behavior vs. Being home all day and trying to get her to be 100% behaved the whole time.
Try taking them to the park and letting them run. Go for a walk. Sign them up for dance class, swim class, etc. Swimming is a great way to get a 3 year old tired enough to be compliant.
You can't expect a 3 year old to be behaved 100% of the time. They need to run and play.
With the 3 year old, why couldn't she play with the laundry basket? What was wrong with her rocking it? Was she inside it and rocking? still, why is that a problem?
I am not a helicopter parent and I didn't try to control every little thing. If my daughter was rocking in a laundry basket in the middle of a room, I'd be fine. If it was an unsafe area (too close to a table, etc...) I'd tell her to move it or she can't play. If she didn't move to a safer area I'd take the basket away and put it where she couldn't get it.
Getting up at the restaurant: it is hard to bring such young children to a restaurant, when we did we made sure it was faster service and well timed for good behavior. Was the 3 year old getting up and running around or getting up out of the chair and standing at the table and eating? These are completely different. If she was running around I'd tell her she needed to sit and if she didn't, she would sit with me. If she got up again, I'd pick her up and sit her on my lap for a few minutes. If she refused or caused a fuss at that, I'd remove her from the restaurant until she could behave.
However, if she was getting up and standing to eat at the table, I wouldn't bother with correcting her. Kids are fidgety! They need to move much more than we do. As long as she wasn't bothering other patrons, I'd let it go.
You said you warned her several times not to get up. She kept doing it because there was no consequence to what you said. You need to follow through. If you say "don't get up" and she does it again, you need to do something to make her listen to you, make her sit in your lap, take her out of the restaurant, etc..
The best advice my dad ever gave me about parenting is "if you aren't going to get up off your ass to do something about it, don't yell at the kid." Unless my daughter was going to harm herself, or something else, I'd let her play, I let her fall and get hurt sometimes. Once someone watched her as she was trying to touch some roses and thorns, I told the person that I was going to let her do it even if she got hurt a little bit because it would teach her a lesson.
I used several phrases with my daughter when she was that young that helped. I wouldn't say she was perfect by any means, but these helped. If it was my daughter in the restaurant situation, I would have said, "you have a choice, sit in your chair or sit in my lap." If she got up, she would go straight to my lap. When we were in parking lots, "you have a choice, hold my hand or I will carry you." Katie learned very quickly that I meant what I said, if she didn't hold my hand I picked her up immediately.
I also would say, "this is not a choice" when I needed her to do something I said.
I agree with a previous poster about your two year old, I'd take him/her to the doctor.
Give 1 warning, not 3, and expect action within 5 seconds. That's not typical behavior, it's behavior she has learned through growing up in your house with you as a parent etc. I believe you CAN expect a 3 year old to be behaved 100% of the time and there's a big issue if you don't expect that. There's also a big issue if you think 'behaving' and 'run and play' are opposites.
If she cries over seemingly trivial things, shrug and move on. If it becomes distracting to you, move her to and let her to cry in her room where she cannot be heard.
Listen, I get that you guys are trying to judge my entire skill set as a parent based on one forum post, but that's really not why I came here. I am looking for advice.
I do agree that 1 warning is probably a good idea from now on.
I am not the hovercraft type of parent. I told her to stop playing with the laundry basket AFTER she had already not only fallen but knocked her sister over in the process.
I try not to yell at the kids but it is very hard sometimes. I want a system where I don't have to yell, I can just have some kind of consequence that works and have a peaceful dinner/evening time.
Also, if I gave the option for both the kids to sit in my lap at the restaurant, they would do it in a heartbeat and then I wouldn't eat. So I try to get them to sit in their chairs. I would allow them to stand up, but they usually end up running off which is why I've stopped allowing that.
I don't think there's any issue at all with telling a child to stop playing with a basket... you don't need to defend any reasoning for that, nor should you struggle to enjoy a meal in a restaurant with a child on your lap. I didn't mean to seem as though I was judging your parenting negatively - simply stating the facts. If a child was an absolute angel the same statement would apply - it's likely because of 'growing up in your house with you as a parent'
I have just about had it with my kids' behaviors. I have two kids - one is 3 and a half and one will be 2 in a couple of weeks. The 2 year old does nothing but cry. every. single. minute. The 3 year old is generally more of a happy child but she is out of control and runs all over the place, doesn't listen to a word I say. Like today, she was playing in a laundry basket, rocking it. I told her to stop, 3 times, and she finally ran into her room with the basket. I had to chase after her and grab the basket. Or earlier as well, we were eating dinner and she kept getting up from the table. I told her several times not to get up but she kept doing it, and we were at a restaurant where that's not appropriate. She ended up not getting a small 25 cent token that I was going to buy her from the restaurant if she behaved, but usually if she misbehaves I take away one toy that she already has. I can take away all of her toys and it makes no difference to her, although she will cry for a few minutes, but then it's like it never happened and she's back to not listening.
I've tried to spank the older one (figured the younger one is too young) and that doesn't work either, plus I just end up feeling so guilty over it because I've never thought it right to hit another human being, even though I understand the purpose of it and don't judge any parent who is able to spank and use it as an effective disciplinary tool.
We used to want several kids but now I think I am done. My husband is here, but he is often studying or working as he goes to school full time and works full time.
I've tried time outs. Those don't seem to work either as the children don't realize why they are in time out.
I am very frustrated. I need some sort of parenting program or book that gives step-by-step instructions for how to deal with 3 year olds who don't listen and 2 year olds who cry all the time.
Please learn how to change your own behavior and you will change the kids behavior.
Two Books: Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen and The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp can help.
A child who cries all the time is probably getting her way by crying. Children at 2 don't really hear your words and cannot always express their own frustration in words.
Some things to try:
Rotate toys and books so that she isn't bored with them. Too many toys can be overwhelming at this age.
Start her on something and sit with her to do it - playdough may be good or some pretend activity your girls can do together. Get up and leave for a short while then come back and check on them frequently. As they begin to play more on their own, you will be able to leave them alone for a longer time.
Make sure that she is getting positive attention when she is not crying.
Make sure she is getting enough sleep.
Make sure she has plenty of healthy snacks (this age should not eat only 3 times a day, but more like 5 times and they may be even better if you let them graze).
Give warnings of transitions so she knows what is going to happen.
For both of them, stop talking - give only one warning and then act.
In restaurants, give one warning about leaving the table then if she does it again leave the restaurant either taking the food to go or taking her out to the car to let her have her tantrum and then returning when she is calm.
Take them out to the park or yard when you can to get the energy out - and do play with them outside and make it fun.
Change your expectations - I don't see anything wrong with the 3 year old playing in the laundry basket unless you feel it was unsafe. We used to actually make the laundry basket into a *car* and push it around. The kids loved that.
For running rather than saying *no,* try *use your walking feet inside.* Change everything to a positive and your toddlers will hear what you are saying much better.
In general, time outs should only be used to allow the child to get back control of her emotions at this age. Spanking almost never works. You can put toys in *time-out* instead of the child, btw. Usually though it is better to be proactive rather than to react.
Good luck!
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