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I'm not mother (yet) but am amazed at what some people will do or say to a parent, as shown in this story from a Sydney paper. About the only comments I'm used to from strangers are about my hair color, or height.
(and thank you, I know I'm tall, no need for the reminders. )
I don't know how I'd react to comments about parenting from a stranger.
People sure are funny.
Just FYI - the unsolicited advice doesn't stop. Getting parenting advice from non parents is just as useful as getting advice for parenting teens from people who either don't have kids or whose kids are still small, well behaved and love them all the time. They are very sure their kids will always be that way! Just smile and go with the flow.
I do that a lot anyways, smiling and nodding...gritting teeth. This should be interesting, being obviously pregnant seems to increase the percieved level of public propriety of said pregnant person. I've always thought it's a private personal thing; indeed I had no desire to learn anything about mothers-to-be. TMI.
I'll have a look at Etiquette Hell. C-Ders are such a goldmine!
Great read! And so true.
When I became pregnant, I had no idea what I was in for. I was always a very private person, so when I became the target of questions and comments, I was in a constant state of "prickle-ness" --to use the authors word--which is a perfect description of how I felt.
What was even worse than the direct hit (an unsolicited comment) was the rhetorical question, which was the direct hit (or comment) heavily disguised as a question.
Since all of this was so shocking, it took me a long time to move through the anger of it. Where I am now, is the polite retort of "thank you" --and then I don't give it a second thought.
One of the things that also bothered me was when I would see people who used to ask about me, who (in the past) sincerely wanted to know how I was doing, and would actually ask "how are you doing?" now ask, "how is your son doing?" and they don't even ask how I, as a human being with thoughts and feelings, am doing. It's almost as though I am old news, or something like that. Which is why when I became barraged with questions and comments from pregnancy on, that I was so incredibly bothered-- because it was like as though I no longer counted. I remember thinking that if I did count, that you would not ask or say something like that to me, because you must know that saying or asking something like that to a person is a very insensitive thing to say and/or do. But it happened over and over again, so I really began to feel that no one really cared about me anymore.
It was really, really tough to go through.
So now, when I talk to someone who is pregnant or a new mom. I don't ask questions or make comments that could hurt the mom, because the mom needs to be happy--that is the most important thing-- after that, everything else just falls into place.
Just wanted to add regarding the unsolicited advice part of being pregnant, that everyone has their own feelings about being pregnant and while there are those on this thread who find it a negative experience, remember that there are those who find it all a positive experience too. Therein lies the issue.
Those who want pregnancy to be very private are turned off, offended, hurt by those who think otherwise. At the same time those who want to celebrate and discuss pregnancy are turned off, offended and hurt by those who reject them. It's a two way street.
As far as unsolicited parenting advice, I consider it just a fact of human nature and have never let it cause me any stress. I have always felt very confident in my parenting philosophy and when told something that goes against my personal thoughts, I just acknowledged it being said, then went on about my business.
People are nosy. People are curious. People are talkative. No big deal....that's just life.
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