Question for dads (or working moms) about playing w/ kids (daycare, baby)

[usedtobeanyer]

My wife is a stay at home mom to our 3 year old and 1 year old and I am working. When I get home, I pretty much play with my 3 year old daughter non stop from the moment I am home until when she goes to bed about 2-3 hours later. Weekends I am pretty much engaging/playing with her non-stop.

I'm wondering how this compares to other dads or working moms? My father in law expressed surprise when he saw this--he said "when my kids were little, we played a game called "what daddy watch tv"". Is it typical in this day & age to play with kids constantly? I know it's good to give them some solo play time but she's pretty much pulling me by my hand to do things the minute I get home.

[hml1976]

I think there has to be an in between personally. She's excited to see you after being with Mom all day and its important that you spend some time with her. However, and my husband struggled with this, Daddy can't only be for fun and games, you have to establish that just like Mommy, you need some time to do stuff around the house, spend time with Mommy, spend some time with the baby (apart from her) and your friends. Remember she's learning how families work from you and her mom, she shouldn't be the center of the family imo.

And your daughter really does need to have some solo playing time, its really good for her. Make sure too that you're participating in the discipline too, its important that that message come from both parents.

[thechappells]

as a working mother, my time is stetched extremely thin. i do however, do try to spend some time with my 2 year old when i pick him up from daycare/school. are we playing? not necessarily. we may be reading, doing an activity, shopping, or just sitting in front of the telly (i know: bad mom), but i figure any time i get to spend with him, is better than not. sometimes i do have him do his own thing...for sanity's sake. my DH is an LEO, so his off duty time is precious and whatever time we can spend as a family, i'll gladly take. my "me time" is when i get up in the morning and take my sweet time getting ready for the day.

[scarmig]

Yes and no. I play with my kids, but I'm also aware to maintain that I am a parent as well. It is easy for kids to perceive the not-home/playtime parent as a friend, and not a teacher/guide. It's okay for kids to learn that their parents have their own interests and things they like to do.

So Daddy will play, but chores have to be done first, (not just kid chores, but Daddy's chores too).

[ATX Wahine]

I used to devote the first fifteen to twenty minutes immediately after getting home from work every night with ny daughter, engaging in play or reading a book. No reading mail, checking the phone messages, etc ... just play. Then I would break away to make dinner, handle chores, etc. She was always free to join me in those activities too and sometimes she did, and sometimes she didn't. What was important to her was those first fifteen minutes of uninterupted "us" time. After a long day of being apart, her in daycare and me at work, that alone time seemed to calm her and leave her feeling very satisfied and loved. Hubby did the same when he came home, too.

[Hopes]

It's important for dads to play with their children. Dads are more instinctive at playing. (Moms are more nurturers.)

Playing with Dad creates a bond and teaches boundaries.

I feel sorry for your wife having a father like your father in law.

[usedtobeanyer]

Originally Posted by Hopes

It's important for dads to play with their children. Dads are more instinctive at playing. (Moms are more nurturers.)

Playing with Dad creates a bond and teaches boundaries.

I feel sorry for your wife having a father like your father in law.

Yeah, the odd thing is that he really was not kidding and he really seemed surprised (and still seems surprised) at how much I play with my daughter. I don't think he's a bad guy, I just think that was far more typical back then, no?

[usedtobeanyer]

Originally Posted by scarmig

Yes and no. I play with my kids, but I'm also aware to maintain that I am a parent as well. It is easy for kids to perceive the not-home/playtime parent as a friend, and not a teacher/guide. It's okay for kids to learn that their parents have their own interests and things they like to do.

So Daddy will play, but chores have to be done first, (not just kid chores, but Daddy's chores too).

That's a great point, about perceving the playtime parent as a friend and not a teacher/guide. I do discipline my daughter a lot and definitely try and be a parent first, but I wonder if that is how she sees me most of the time--as a friend.

[usedtobeanyer]

Originally Posted by hml1976

I think there has to be an in between personally. She's excited to see you after being with Mom all day and its important that you spend some time with her. However, and my husband struggled with this, Daddy can't only be for fun and games, you have to establish that just like Mommy, you need some time to do stuff around the house, spend time with Mommy, spend some time with the baby (apart from her) and your friends. Remember she's learning how families work from you and her mom, she shouldn't be the center of the family imo.

And your daughter really does need to have some solo playing time, its really good for her. Make sure too that you're participating in the discipline too, its important that that message come from both parents.

Very well said and great points...I do struggle with it too. It just seems like 2-3 hours is so little time to actually get to spend with her every day and I want to be able to use every minute as best as we can to help her be happy and develop.

[aidxen]

I feel guilt.
I think I need to play more with them.