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The kids don't care whether you use 40% coupons or watch for sales or not - all they know is that they want something and you find a way to get it for them.
As kids get older, their wants get more expensive. Most parents don't realize this until it's too late.
I think the trick is to not give in to their wants early-on.
At this point, OP, I think you'll just have to use that two-letter word: "No." And prepare yourself for tantrums and backlash.
Oh no....she knows very well about those 40% coupons, sales, and clearance racks. She'll actually ask "do you have any Justice coupons?" or "are there any sales going on?"
I know what you mean, though. The more they get, the more they want.
I've been using the word "no" to all the ridiculous wants, such as the Coach bag and the Ugg boots. I told her over the weekend, she's going to have to go through her closets and drawers, see what she has and what doesn't fit anymore. I told her what we can sell on ebay, we will sell on ebay and she can use that money (minus fees, etc) to put in her bank to save for what she wants.
One thing I just couldn't believe was all these 11, 12, and 13 year olds walking around with bags that cost so much. What are their parents going to do when they decide Coach isn't good enough and they want Prada??
My daughter never cared about stuff like that. I remember her coming home from middle school one day telling me about a girl she knew who really impressed her. Apparently this girl shopped the thrift stores for odd and unique items and would come to school dressed all girly one day and wearing boy scout uniform shirts with jeans the next. My daugher picked up on that and, combined with my own thrifty nature, she is now a real bargin hunter. She just turned 23 and for her birthday dinner she wore a great looking dress we picked up for $9.99 at Ross last week.
Everyone likes some high end things occasionally but we pick and choose how to spend. I got her a Betsey Johnson handbag for Xmas from an online site using coupons and cash back rewards and it will last her for years. And I have purchased USED 7 for all mankind jeans on ebay for a fraction of the retail cost, broken in already is a bonus!
You might plant the seed in her head that, perhaps, many of these other girls are just like her. Maybe they have to save up their own money or they get these brands from thrift stores, outlet stores, hand me downs, ebay etc, and that's the only way they get them.
Plus, who's to say that ALL those coach bags are real? I used to be a department manager of the area that included handbags in a major department store, and unless you are really familiar with them it's very difficult to tell a really good fake one from the real thing.
Maybe that will give her food for thought that these girls may not be all they seem to be, and the appeal might lessen?
I know it's disappointing that the materialism is starting so early, but it will probably get easier as she gets older. She'll realize that it's not literally "everyone" wearing them and if her closest friends don't have them it will be easier for her to not have them either. And if she doesn't, at least when she stops growing her shoes and clothes will last a lot longer, so it's easier to let her have the one nice pair of shoes occasionally.
I still have and wear the Timberlands that were popular when I was 14 and the Birkenstocks that were popular when I was 16, and I'm now 25. My parents probably thought they were giving in to me when they bought them but I think they ended up being worth it.
I also have a pair of fake Uggs...I can go out and buy a pair of real ones any time I want, but it seems like a waste when I mostly wear them when I'm taking the dog outside to pee.
I've also told my daughter that there is a difference between looking wealthy and being wealthy, and that many times the former prevents the latter.
One of my friends has a great sense of fashion and a low budget. She's always been good at putting together the same look you see in fashion magazines inexpensively. I pointed that out to my daughter when she was a young teen and she adopted this idea. When she really really wanted a Coach bag for Christmas in high school I gave her a gift card that wasn't enough to buy one and she asked for that from her father as well. Then she saved her money from working at the horse stables and pizza place until she had enough to buy one.
I also taught her from a young age that just about anything can be found for less somewhere and that she should never pay full price for anything. When she was eight years old, she bought me a little knickknack for Mother's Day and proudly told me how she'd found it on the 50%-off table. She's 18 now and comes home from her shopping trips and gives me the details on what a great bargain she got--and she's got a pretty snazzy wardrobe.
Basically, it took a lot of psychology on my part. I was a single working mom living in a rented house in a town where most of her classmates had two-parent families who lived in big houses and drove nicer cars. We did run into some moments from time to time when she wanted things I couldn't buy and I had to sit her down and give her a dose of reality.
I also explained to her that most of these name-brands are only popular because the companies use advertising to manipulate people into buying their stuff and then use the wearer to advertise their stuff some more. And I told her if she wanted to be rich someday she'd better study hard and get good grades and get into a good college and not blow it by partying when she gets there...she's in that college now, and so far, so good.
You do what you can, and that's the best you can do.
The kids don't care whether you use 40% coupons or watch for sales or not - all they know is that they want something and you find a way to get it for them.
As kids get older, their wants get more expensive. Most parents don't realize this until it's too late.
I think the trick is to not give in to their wants early-on.
At this point, OP, I think you'll just have to use that two-letter word: "No." And prepare yourself for tantrums and backlash.
I've posted this before but please feel free to use my line. When my daughter got obnoxious with me for saying "NO" to something, I would say to her, "Every daughter hates her mother at some point for something. It's my job to give you a reason to do so."
I know the materialism starts long before Junior High/Middle School but I think it gets worse once they hit 6th grade.
My DD was complaining to me that she doesn't have things "as nice" as the other girls in her school, etc etc etc...... I buy her clothes from Justice (using the 40% coupon and, of course, clearance); she has nice shoes, nice sneakers, nice boots. She has a lot more than I ever dreamed of having when I was her age. (at her age, I never ever got anything new. everything I had was either from the thrift shop or old hand-me-downs from mother's friends kids --- I don't think I ever wore something that was brand new until I was on my own and working)
She's complaining becuase she doesn't have Uggs or a Coach bag and then proceeds to tell me that the "popular" girl in her class has a bunch of clothes from Juicy Couture, 5 Coach bags, Ugg boots, etc.
I refuse to buy Uggs since they're so expensive and she'll probably out grow them in 6 months' time. I refuse to buy an 11 year old a Coach bag.
I refuse to shop in a store like "Juicy" that charges $68 for a t-shirt and a couple of hundred for a sweat suit or warm-up suit or whatever they want to call it.
I happened to be at the school last week for a meeting and it was dismissal time --- What did I see? Almost every girl had "real" Ugg boots and about 85% of them had real Coach bags. Ugh!
I've taught my daughter about the value of money and how you can spend "x" amount of money at Juicy for 1 or 2 items OR you can spend that same amount at Justice or another store and get 2 or 3 pair of jeans, a couple of skirts, a few tops and a lot more. I guess at 11 years old and seeing the "popular" ones with their expensive designer things, whatever I say isn't going to make much of a difference.
Anyone else have this problem with their pre-teen? What do you do or say?
Pull up to a Goodwill and suggest going in to look for some clothes for her to wear. Act very serious about it, tell her that a lot of the clothes are just a little worn but the prices are great and she may decide real fast that type of clothes you've been buying her are okay after all.
What's wrong with Goodwill? I grew up "seriously" shopping at Goodwill. Same thing with garage sales. I found a brand new coach briefcase at a garage sale once. Goodwill is a GREAT option if you want name brand at a cheap price, although the good stuff turns over fast.
Oh no....she knows very well about those 40% coupons, sales, and clearance racks. She'll actually ask "do you have any Justice coupons?" or "are there any sales going on?"
I know what you mean, though. The more they get, the more they want.
I've been using the word "no" to all the ridiculous wants, such as the Coach bag and the Ugg boots. I told her over the weekend, she's going to have to go through her closets and drawers, see what she has and what doesn't fit anymore. I told her what we can sell on ebay, we will sell on ebay and she can use that money (minus fees, etc) to put in her bank to save for what she wants.
One thing I just couldn't believe was all these 11, 12, and 13 year olds walking around with bags that cost so much. What are their parents going to do when they decide Coach isn't good enough and they want Prada??
Well you are doing good then, mama! And I totally agree. There are way too many parents spending way too much money buying crap for their already overly-indulged kids. You have to wonder whether all that stuff is bought on credit cards or are there really that many families with that much spare change floating around where they can spend like that? Why do we see so many people driving around in $$$ SUV's and wearing these $$$ clothes and living in these monstrous McMansions - yet supposedly we're in some kind of financial crisis as a nation? Hmmm..... I don't get it.
What's wrong with Goodwill? I grew up "seriously" shopping at Goodwill. Same thing with garage sales. I found a brand new coach briefcase at a garage sale once. Goodwill is a GREAT option if you want name brand at a cheap price, although the good stuff turns over fast.
We have a few Goodwill thrift stores where we live. There is one that is lots of fun and you can find good stuff there, but the others are gross. I think really it depends on where you live and how that particular Goodwill is run. Some are really dirty and gross and I wouldn't shop there.
There is a Value Village near us that I really love. It's bright and clean and has tons of men's and children's clothing. They keep an eye on quality and I don't think I've ever seen anything on their racks that had stains or holes or anything. I've also found lots of brand new items - still had the price tags on them. My son found a J.Crew wool coat there for $20. In the catalog it was a $249. coat - so that was a really sweet find! I love the bedding at this VV, too... I've found some wonderful bed linens and blankets there.
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She'll realize that it's not literally "everyone" wearing them and if her closest friends don't have them it will be easier for her to not have them either. And if she doesn't, at least when she stops growing her shoes and clothes will last a lot longer, so it's easier to let her have the one nice pair of shoes occasionally. 
