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I honestly don't know. I am just at the end of my rope with this household and the way that it is being managed. I don't know what my mother is afraid of, but I don't think that taking his games away and sending him to his room isn't going to hurt him. She won't even do that much.
It sounds like your mother should be the one seeing a psychiatrist. Seriously.
Oh, definitely. I have been saying that for years. She also tries to practice "tough love", but only with me. Because I have anxiety, I am on medication. I don't know why she does it, but sometimes when my boyfriend or a friend is over, she'll stop into my room and directly insult me, possibly as an attempt to create a 'funny'? Even though it clearly isn't funny. And she just doesn't stop. I ignore it because I know none of the things that she says are true, but you can only say so much until you get to someone, y'know?
So when I start getting teary-eyed, she literally gets mad at me because of it and says "Cut the ****, Jenica.", "You really need some serious help, girl.", and the famous "Did you take your meds today?", as if taking my meds is going to block my sense of feeling, and/or tear ducts? Like I'm not allowed to have feelings, and be hurt. Sometimes she'll come in and say something along the lines of "I really wonder where your life is going, girl." and then walks away before I can say anything. I guess she feels bad though, because then she'll come back in my room and ask me if I want to go shopping or out to eat, just her and I.
I just give up. I get away as much as I possibly can.
Do you have a trusted adult who you can talk to? Like a counselor at school, or a teacher? The situation at home sounds dangerous, especially for the youngest child. If at all possible, you need to tell an adult about this situation. Is the 6 year old left with bruises, etc?
Do not hesitate to call the cops if your brother threatens violence again.
Your 9 year old brother may or may not need medication; he may or may not have the correct diagnosis, but he does need psychological (vs psychiatric) help - and that would involve not just talking to someone (family/individual therapy) but a behavior plan that would help your parents provide consistent discipline at home. Without their involvement in something like this it is doubtful that his behavior will stop.
I realize that CPS involvement is a stress for your family, but what would happen if you try to explain what goes on to the social worker? Has she suggested parenting classes for your parents, or family therapy?
(This is going to be long, bear with me, please. I really could use your advice.)
My brother is 9 years old, and suffers from some type of mental illness, possibly bipolar from what I can see, but I'm not the one with a degree.
I am his 17 year old older sister, the oldest. When he was younger, he was a good kid. I don't believe my mother had any problems with him and or his behavior. It has only been recently (maybe in the past 2-3 years) that he has been acting up. Our mother has no idea what to do, so she just sends him along to a psychiatrist and gets him put on medications. He takes his meds in the morning before he goes to school, and the teacher claims that he is fine during the school day. After school, he goes to the YMCA until about 5:30pm, and then comes home. The second he gets in the door he starts yelling and screaming "Where's my food?" in this big, deep, angry voice. His father (my stepfather) usually cooks before he gets home so his food is ready.. sometimes my brother doesn't want what is cooked and then starts throwing a fit that he wants spaghetti or something else.
See, my parent(s) are pretty much careless. Literally. They give my brother whatever he's whining about just to get him off their back-- which obviously isn't the correct thing to do, in my eyes. In return, he is very disrespectful for a kid his age. He hits my mother, shoves himself into her (he's a football player, body-image wise) throws things at her, calls her an f'n b*tch.. ect. Of course my mother just ignores it. He insults me by calling me fat, a b*tch, an f'n a**hole, ect. We have a younger brother who is 6, who gets tortured the most out of all of us. Jonathan (the 9 year old) hits, punches, kicks, and hits him with household objects like brooms and baseball bats and whatever he can find. I caught Jonathan one day yelling and screaming at his father to make him something to eat because he was hungry (this is a daily thing).. Father didn't want to get up so Jonathan goes to the kitchen and grabs a knife and stands in the doorway with it claiming that he was going to stab his father.
I heard what was going on and immediately ran out there, took the knife from him and screamed in his face that it wasn't right and that next time I was calling the Police to come take him.
He also went to school and has had child protective services involved, claiming that everyone in the house hits him. I am home all the time, and that statement is completely false. Little do they know how he acts at home. Of course he acts like an Angel whenever the social worker comes here. I have an idea that she knows how he is.
My mother is not a bad parent, she is just stuck. She has never had to deal with this type of behavior before, and I can't blame her for feeling helpless.. but she does not discipline him in any way, and neither does his Father. Simply because they want CPS out of my house, and I can't blame them. I play the Mom role in my house, telling them right from wrong, and taking their beloved video game systems away whenever they are disrespectful or misbehaving. Unfortunately, I'm the only person my parents practice their discipline on, because when I take their things away, they throw fits and then my parents come barging into my room with their angry faces and loud voices demanding that I give them their things back.. yet they don't do it when the boys take my things.. hmm..
Anyway, something needs to be done with this child and as long as CPS is involved in our lives, things can and will be done. But what? I read about a Scare Straight program but it got some negative feedback and I am not sure if they have that type of thing around here, in the Boston area. If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know. This isn't going to continue on any longer.
Thank you.
I don't have much to offer in the way of advice other than to say that you better find a way to get this kid under control and fast. You and your parents could be in real, physical danger - if not NOW, certainly a couple of years down the road. I would have to ask where your father is in all this. I think it is definitely time for him to man-up about it and take control of the situation.
I am not joking when I say this, but I would SERIOUSLY consider sending this kid to a military school. It really might be his only hope. I'd check into it if I were you.
After reading your post, here is my first intial gut feeling about this.
It sounds as if you are a bit jealous in the fact that you feel you were heavy disciplined and your parents haven't been disciplining your brothers the same way they did you. So now you are the one doing the disciplining of your brothers and doing it very similar to the way you feel you were disciplined. If you are the one doing the discipling then it means that your parents don't need to.
Have you ever heard the old saying "Too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the soup" well too many parents/bosses can spoil the kid as well.
I was terrible at trying to be the parent/boss over my younger sister as I thought that my mom and stepdad were too easy on her and in my mind I was disciplined way more than she ever was. My sister became a real handful and at one point ended up in juvie because she threw a knife at my grandmother and threatened to kill her. Once I was out of the home and left the parenting solely to my mom and stepdad, my sister came around and is now a pretty good person. She still has a few issues with getting upset rather easily, but that is mainly due to 1) anxiety and 2) low blood sugar.
Maybe, you should try letting your parents be the parents and stay out of it. By all means protect your youngest brother if he is being hit, kicked or whatever. But do that by taking him away from the situation rather than stepping in and discipling the other brother.
One thing that I learned after having my own kids, is that parents tend to make their biggest share of parenting mistakes with their oldest. Afterall, they are our first and because we are so new at parenting we try and find our parenting style with them. We are still testing the waters and trying to find what works, what doesn't work and by the time the next kid or two comes along we have things a bit more figured out and we are more relaxed.
He takes his meds in the morning before he goes to school, and the teacher claims that he is fine during the school day. After school, he goes to the YMCA until about 5:30pm, and then comes home. The second he gets in the door he starts yelling and screaming ...
See, my parent(s) are pretty much careless. Literally. They give my brother whatever he's whining about just to get him off their back-- ... He hits my mother, shoves himself into her (he's a football player, body-image wise) throws things at her, calls her an f'n b*tch.. ect. Of course my mother just ignores it. He insults me by calling me fat, a b*tch, an f'n a**hole, ect. We have a younger brother who is 6, who gets tortured the most out of all of us. Jonathan (the 9 year old) hits, punches, kicks, and hits him with household objects like brooms and baseball bats and whatever he can find. I caught Jonathan one day yelling and screaming at his father to make him something to eat because he was hungry (this is a daily thing).. Father didn't want to get up so Jonathan goes to the kitchen and grabs a knife and stands in the doorway with it claiming that he was going to stab his father.
I heard what was going on and immediately ran out there, took the knife from him and screamed in his face that it wasn't right and that next time I was calling the Police to come take him.
He also went to school and has had child protective services involved, claiming that everyone in the house hits him.
My mother is not a bad parent, she is just stuck. She has never had to deal with this type of behavior before, and I can't blame her for feeling helpless.. but she does not discipline him in any way, and neither does his Father. Simply because they want CPS out of my house, and I can't blame them. I play the Mom role in my house, telling them right from wrong, and taking their beloved video game systems away whenever they are disrespectful or misbehaving. Unfortunately, I'm the only person my parents practice their discipline on, because when I take their things away, they throw fits and then my parents come barging into my room with their angry faces and loud voices demanding that I give them their things back.. yet they don't do it when the boys take my things.. hmm..
I don't think you have to fear your brother, in fact, SOMEONE needs to stand up to him and make him stop. If that means calling the police during one of his meltdowns, so be it.
He throws things, calls you and your parents names and everything else BECAUSE HE CAN. He's allowed to because he is not stopped. That little boy needs to know who pays the bills in that house and who makes the rules, AND IT SHOULDN'T BE HIM MAKING THE RULES.
Honey, you have become your parent's target because they need an outlet for their frustration over your brother.
My suggestion: Go to the social worker at your school, ask what you can do as the sister in this situation. You and your little brother should not have to live like this and your parents should know that.
Where is your father? Can you go live with him? At your age you can even if the court granted your mother custody. If you have a relationship with him, I would find out if you can move out of your current situation.
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