looking for my father Erbin Troutman (location, phone, neighborhood, neighbor)
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I am looking for my birth father. he doesn't know I exist but my mom told me when I turn 18 I can find him. She won't give me all the details but I found some paperwork with this name. she named me after him. I know he was in the army and lives down south.
I don't have a birthday or any other info but name and he was in the Army when they met. I don't know if he's the same one that hcgcali added. I've never done this. What do I say?
I don't have a birthday or any other info but name and he was in the Army when they met. I don't know if he's the same one that hcgcali added. I've never done this. What do I say?
When I was looking for my birth Mother, I spoke with many people of the same last name before I found her. I told the people I was doing some genealogical research. I would then ask them if they were related to her.
In your case, I would call and ask for him. Possibly ask him if he remembers your Mom by using her name. Hopefully he will then I would just say it, tell him you are her son and what your name is.
I didn't know how to lead up to things so once I got my Birth Mother on the phone, I confirmed it by asking her if this was her, using her full name. In my case I asked her if she was the same person that had given up a child born on my birthday of course, then I told her who I was.
Your introduction would be a little different, I believe you mentioned he didn't know you existed. So you wouldn't need to refer to your birthday. Once he has confirmed he remembers your Mom, I don't know what else you would say other then to tell him you are her son, give him a few seconds to let that settle, then tell him your name, you did mention its the same as his. I would think he would understand you are his son. If not, you might have to reiterate with him, that your Mother has told you that you are his son.
Understand, he is going to be shocked, probably won't know what to say and when he does say something don't be surprised if he spits out the wrong thing. This is something most people don't know how to react to.
I wish you luck, just make sure this is what you really want to do before you do it. You can't undo it once its been done.
Understand also it appears from what I saw he has a family who also does not know anything about this.
My birth father didn't know about me either. When I found his name/address/phone I wrote him a letter. I put it in his hands if he wanted to reach out to me...& he did. My sister on the other hand called her birth father. It wasn't just possible he was her father...he was her father! We already knew we had the right guy. He was nasty & told her he didn't know what she was talking about. We then approached his family (father & sister). They were open to meeting my sister. Later her father was willing to communicate with her. Turns out he was a nasty drunk with a lifetime history of drug abuse. The last time she spoke to him was when he showed up drunk at her work.
It can go either way. If you have a friend that you trust have them make the call. It may make him feel at ease as opposed to having to process the info quickly & respond. Give him a little time...most fathers have 9 months to prepare. Good luck :~)
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