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Oh cool, I guess I need to put my glasses on! Does anybody know the proper way to go about calling/writing a person to find out if its the right one? I don't want to be embarrassed.. and I don't want to make him uneasy.. Ideas? Is it better to just call?
I'd speak to the father before involving his son. If he's the right one, he'll want to tell his family himself in his own way. Just ask if he's the John Atencio who taught college in Teec Nos Pos, AZ back in (year). If yes, then ask if he knew/remembers a (MIL's name). Then tell him she is your husband's mother, and you believe he's his father. Ease him into it gently.
I'd speak to the father before involving his son. If he's the right one, he'll want to tell his family himself in his own way. Just ask if he's the John Atencio who taught college in Teec Nos Pos, AZ back in (year). If yes, then ask if he knew/remembers a (MIL's name). Then tell him she is your husband's mother, and you believe he's his father. Ease him into it gently.
That's how I'd do it as well. My husband has his own idea- to talk to the wife of the son.. I don't think it should be done that way because I would think we should give John the right to tell his son and DIL himself after he's over the initial shock.
Why create unnecessary turmoil that could result in the family not wanting anything to do with you? You don't even know for sure if it's the right John Atencio, or if he is your husband's father. In fact, you don't even know for sure if that particular James is the son of the John you are looking for. Besides, the wife and son won't have the answers. Only John will know.
Ask your husband to put himself in the John's shoes. Would he want his son coming to him with news that someone on the internet contacted the DIL and said he fathered another child? Or in James' shoes... Would he want someone telling you he had a brother, instead of hearing it from his father?
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