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At some point you look at people who are your long term friends and evaluate how much you have in common with them, what they add to your life, and if they bring you up or down. I cut the strings on several people I have known for years, because we no longer had common goals, interests, and the income gap was too great. Plus, they can't help but "put you down", "Oh, I could NEVER play that BS asskissing game to get ahead", somehow implying that I brown-nosed my way to the top. Baloney!!! I got where I am because I work hard. They are losers at the "game" and they know it. Move on...
That is a very heartless phrase to apply to family. Because my brother or sister's emergencies are also my emergencies if I can help. Because we're family and if we can't depend on each other than who can we depend on?
But, and this is a big but - when you have family that seems completely unable to support themselves, something has to happen. Throwing more money won't fix anything long-term
But can you depend on them? With the sort of people being discussed here, dependency is purely a one-way street.
tHANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR POSTS!!`i am a saver..been a saver all of my adult life and before that. I am in my mid 50's and I know allot of people my age..that hardly have any money. It is about half/half. Half the people my age..are spenders and the other half are savers. When I talk to a few of my friends...they will hint they don't know how to pay for this bill or that bill...i don't say a word. I just bought a new phone..Virgin Mobile..I get all the advantages of that of a Apple or Verizon and I pay half the price. I cut out coupons. I am looking for bargains.
I have friends who didn't save and are one bad event away from living in poverty. One friend keeps afloat with employment but constantly needs cash infusions from relatives, has a stack of credit card bills, and always says she wants to do what I do even though she can't afford it. Another friend has health problems but just cashed out a IRA for some short term goals, lives on credit cards, has no retirement savings, just a small pension.
When I offer advice it is typically rejected, so I don't offer anymore. I try to avoid any conversation that will lead in the direction of finances. But that causes some stress for me.
Unfortunately, these are longtime friends that I would have difficulty removing from my circle. Surely others have this problem?
if they knew how you felt about them I am sure they would not want to be your friend either.
I have friends who didn't save and are one bad event away from living in poverty. One friend keeps afloat with employment but constantly needs cash infusions from relatives, has a stack of credit card bills, and always says she wants to do what I do even though she can't afford it. Another friend has health problems but just cashed out a IRA for some short term goals, lives on credit cards, has no retirement savings, just a small pension.
When I offer advice it is typically rejected, so I don't offer anymore. I try to avoid any conversation that will lead in the direction of finances. But that causes some stress for me.
Unfortunately, these are longtime friends that I would have difficulty removing from my circle. Surely others have this problem?
I have been here before. It's difficult to create boundaries with age old friends, especially when they seem to be at their low points...be it emotional or financial. Still, if I enjoy their company I don't see the need to be a fairweather friend. You can listen without turning your back on them or passing judgment. I have a lot of respect for my friends who tell it like it is and I can rely on for a pep talk. Sometimes my friends aren't those people who I can depend on for life advice but the one liners and fun never seems to quit. I have friends who are often down on life and luck. Every one of them has something to offer, whether they realize it or not.
If a friend were to ask me for a loan, I simply state that I don't do loans. If you need it more than me, it's yours. If friend or family member is not a good steward of their funds, I simply don't put good money after bad. If they judge me for that, so be it.
If a friend were to ask me for a loan, I simply state that I don't do loans. If you need it more than me, it's yours. If friend or family member is not a good steward of their funds, I simply don't put good money after bad. If they judge me for that, so be it.
My husband is the same way. Most of the time when he's given money (usually to a family member or a family friend) he just "gives" it because he doesn't figure on ever seeing it again. Then I get annoyed with him for it because I view it as letting people take advantage of him. And he'll fix their computers for nothing, too. Thing is, they never learn boundaries.
We're very different about this but he's out of dog house as long as his generosity doesn't affect ME.
I have been here before. It's difficult to create boundaries with age old friends, especially when they seem to be at their low points...be it emotional or financial. Still, if I enjoy their company I don't see the need to be a fairweather friend. You can listen without turning your back on them or passing judgment. I have a lot of respect for my friends who tell it like it is and I can rely on for a pep talk. Sometimes my friends aren't those people who I can depend on for life advice but the one liners and fun never seems to quit. I have friends who are often down on life and luck. Every one of them has something to offer, whether they realize it or not.
If a friend were to ask me for a loan, I simply state that I don't do loans. If you need it more than me, it's yours. If friend or family member is not a good steward of their funds, I simply don't put good money after bad. If they judge me for that, so be it.
I agree. I think it is about liking people for what they are rather than focusing on what they are not. Financial stuff is best kept to yourself.
But I think how people act reflects their values, and that reveals who they are. I can't separate "who someone is" from "what they do."
I don't care if it's a politician who cheats on his wife, a TV minister who misappropriates donations, or a "friend" who spends herself into debt because of the inability to delay gratification. Sure these people might have good traits too, but you can't deny that people's actions reveal who they are as a person. I don't buy into moral compartmentalization.
Like I said in my earlier post, I can't pretend to continue to be friends with someone whose values are so different from my own.
The way people handle "financial" stuff is very telling about the person they are iniside.
It is funny, we lived very frugally for a long long time saving to buy a home. We had some good friends that lived near us living the same way we figured. This past December we bought our home. We even invited one family over for Christmas. They are of the always having a financial crisis ilk. We later found out that they wanted what we had, a home, and were jealous. Over the past few months they have stopped talking to us. It almost seems like just because we are in a better position than them that they don't want to spend time with us anymore. I don't get that at all. At the same time, it isn't our fault that they didn't do the same thing that we did and save for a home. They did spend their money though on designer clothes and nicer cars.
But I think how people act reflects their values, and that reveals who they are. I can't separate "who someone is" from "what they do."
I don't care if it's a politician who cheats on his wife, a TV minister who misappropriates donations, or a "friend" who spends herself into debt because of the inability to delay gratification. Sure these people might have good traits too, but you can't deny that people's actions reveal who they are as a person. I don't buy into moral compartmentalization.
Like I said in my earlier post, I can't pretend to continue to be friends with someone whose values are so different from my own.
The way people handle "financial" stuff is very telling about the person they are iniside.
Could you pleae explain this? If people are savers and frugal they are good people???? If they are spenders and in debt they are bad people?????
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