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Ha! My BIL is 30 and his parents pay for his luxury studio in a high rise waterfront apartment. They also pay for his utilities, groceries, car insurance and other costs associated with his car, gas, costs associated with his dog including two, TWO, knee replacements and out of pocket health insurance for him. They are not wealthy, mom is retired. He has a degree (saving grace) but works part time in retail. His girlfriend? Yeah she lives with him too and doesnt pay rent. No motivation whatsoever to do squat except play video games, drink and stay up all night. You can hardly blame him, he isnt really forced to make a living for himself and as long as the bank of mom and dad is open he will keep making withdrawals.
Parents keep saying they are trying to get him to support himself which I think about if I ever need a good laugh. They are about 10 years too late with that
Wow! That is mind-boggling to me.
But it reminded me of an older lady co-worker I worked with while in college (at a telemarketing firm no less) who supported her college-age daughter by paying her $1,000 rent in an upscale apartment building and allowed her boyfriend to live there rent-free. When her 20 year old daughter was sick, she would take off from work to stay with her and take care of her.
So basically we all have surmised it is mostly the parents fault. That is terrible what your moms friends son is doing.
There is a reason the baby chicks leave their nest when they can fly. What parents don't want to be feeding a grown adult bird living with them!
Exactly. "Ship them out". If their adults (20 years old is an adult easily) they can start providing for theirselves.
28 year old living with his mom and using her money is pathetic.
I agree, but I know why she does it. She was taken care of very well by HER parents, basically like a princess who never had to do anything. Now that her husband has passed, she can't take care of herself. By that I mean, she has no clue what pills she is supposed to take everyday or how many or when; she doesn't know how to even write a check out, or pay a bill. She's only 63 too. So she relies on her son to do all that work, meanwhile he is basically robbing her blind.
But I have friends around my age who can't do those things either. My 41 y/o friend works a full time, but doesn't know how to do anything. Her parents pay all her bills (with their own money) and take care of everything else for her (car maintenance, etc.). She was shocked at the things I know how to do - like checking my oil, paying a bill. Easy stuff like that.
I know a 60 yo women who has never worked a day in her life. Lived with parents, got married, had two kids, hubby left her, she collected alimony for 18 years. At age 62 she will get 1/2 of ex's SS amount, now has found another sucker who supports her. She is one of the laziest people I have ever met, does nothing all day while her new "Knight In Shining Armour" goes to work...and no, she is not physically or mentally challenged.
My SIL - she has always found a guy to support her. 40 y/o and never worked a day in her life. As she has admitted (but not in so many words of course), she had kids for the sole purpose of "insurance money". That way if she leaves the guy, she gets child support and alimony and uses it for herself. She is currently doing that with her ex-husband for her oldest son. The child support she gets (no alimony since sheis now married to my brother), she uses for herself.
I knew a guy that had wealthy parents and went to college on their support and was a Corvette driving jerk until he inherited their wealth. Then he worked at whatever he wanted mostly restoring antique machinery. He had a great life until boredom, smoking and too much bleu cheese dressing stopped his heart at 53.
The line between being a caring parent who loves their children and enabling is very thin, especially with the parents who waited until late to have children.
The cultural trend to avoid children from thinking they are losers doesn't help; when a competition has no first prize, second prize, etc., but everyone who participates gets some kind of meaningless award such as 'Most determined runner' instead, it creates a sense of confidence that's not any part of reality. Once out of the nest, everyone soon finds there is someone else who is better at something and there's another person who is worse. Rejection is a regular part of adult life. So are hurt feelings.
Unless a kid is exposed in non-drastic ways to some rejection, and are urged to try harder, do the job over again better, or to stick with a job through the hard parts, they can become thin-skinned adults who may be demolished by the hard knocks of life.
But at the same time, parents, whether rich or poor, want their kids to succeed. While no one has mentioned nagging parents of adult children still living at home, we all know that goes on all the time. Approving a slacker's ways is something few parents do willingly, but often it's simply easier to just put up with them than it is to nag or take any strong steps in kicking them out of the house and into adulthood, especially if the parents can afford to do so. After all, is there a huge cost difference in an 18 year old kid and one who is 22?
I have 3 adult children, all in their 30's. I helped them all get some higher education; one went to college for 2 years, another for 4, and another went to a vo-tech for 3. The one who went for 2 years was ready to strike out on her own early, and did. The other two both went to work as soon as they graduated.
Even so, I have helped them all in various periods of their lives with financial support. Life is tough for the young these days, and I don't feel I am entitling them with some help in the rough spots. My parents helped me in the same way, and my grandparents helped my parents. But every one of us was ambitious in our youth.
Ambition is something that may be learned, possibly, but in my experience, most folks either have some or not much. Kicking a kid out on the street won't make him ambitious, especially if he perceives no immediate rewards from ambition. It takes some time before we learn ambition is it's own reward, as it provides the will to gain other rewards, immediate or long-term.
Ambition also fosters discipline and determination. If all three are missing in a young adult, how does a loving parent instill them?
In light of this thread, I was just wondering how someone can hit their mid - late 20's never having held a job? This is not to berate or make fun of anyone but I just wonder how does one make it that long and who support them? Parents?
I mean when I think of all the expenses I needed as a youngster, I am amazed how people can go about not having their own income.
I got my first job at 16 through a program in high school that connected kids with jobs and I've worked ever since. Starting with junior year in high school, the expenses started coming: prom (dress, hair, nails, bag, shoes), graduation fees & dues, college applications, then college I needed books every semester ($300+), other supplies plus bus fare to get to school ($60 monthly). Then I got a beater car with lots of beater problems, brakes, oil changes, radiator, new transmission, not to mention gas to school every week. I needed clothes, toiletries and personal items, had a pager, then a cell phone, I mean the list goes on. Having a life just cost money.
By the time I graduated from college, I had 6 jobs and 2 internships.
So how are people doing this? Parents? Are there parents who actually foot the bill for all this stuff even while "kids" are well into their 20s?
I think it's crazy as well. I had a job when I was 14 (of course this was under the table since that was too young at the time ~9th grade) bussing tables for a seafood restaurant.
Accounting for a couple months here and there due to football, college, moving, I have had a job since then as well (30yrs old now).
When I was 16 (ten years ago), my parents wanted me to focus on my academics, which I excelled in. Most of the "smart kids" didn't work until their senior year, if then. Most of us were in school sponsored extracurricular activities which (we hoped) would lead to better scholarship offers and going to better schools. From a social standpoint, the "smart kids" working at the menial jobs most high school kids work at was not encouraged for fear of jeopardizing our academic and future professional careers.
At the time, it seemed reasonable enough - focus on academics to get into the best school, choose the best major you can, work part-time in the private sector or on campus, and off you go to the professional job. When I was in high school through early college, it never seemed unreasonable to me that someone would have very limited (cashier, waiter, on-campus job, internship, etc) experience coming out of school and could do okay as long as they had a marketable degree. This was back in the early to mid 2000s when the economy was good.
My grandmother gave my family her old car when I graduated and I drove that until it was totaled (not my fault). My family helped purchase the (also used) car that was a replacement for the original one. I worked at a grocery store for awhile then at Wal-Mart off an on throughout college. I made some money working and also received cash back from excess scholarships. I'll admit that I couldn't cover everything and had some help from family, but I wasn't a complete leech either.
If a parent expects their child to pay rent, car payment, food, gas, car insurance, health insurance, college tuition, books, and all other expenses completely independently, it's probably not possible in today's economy.
Today, you need a highly specialized, in-demand degree from a top-tier university, an internship with a leading firm in the field, very high GPA, real employment experience, and oftentimes, insider connections, to get a good professional position out of college. Things were far, far less competitive five to ten years ago, and I don't think anyone would have realized how little things like extracurricular activities now mean in comparison to a long, extensive work history.
When I was 16 (ten years ago), my parents wanted me to focus on my academics, which I excelled in. Most of the "smart kids" didn't work until their senior year, if then. Most of us were in school sponsored extracurricular activities which (we hoped) would lead to better scholarship offers and going to better schools. From a social standpoint, the "smart kids" working at the menial jobs most high school kids work at was not encouraged for fear of jeopardizing our academic and future professional careers.
At the time, it seemed reasonable enough - focus on academics to get into the best school, choose the best major you can, work part-time in the private sector or on campus, and off you go to the professional job. When I was in high school through early college, it never seemed unreasonable to me that someone would have very limited (cashier, waiter, on-campus job, internship, etc) experience coming out of school and could do okay as long as they had a marketable degree. This was back in the early to mid 2000s when the economy was good.My grandmother gave my family her old car when I graduated and I drove that until it was totaled (not my fault). My family helped purchase the (also used) car that was a replacement for the original one. I worked at a grocery store for awhile then at Wal-Mart off an on throughout college. I made some money working and also received cash back from excess scholarships. I'll admit that I couldn't cover everything and had some help from family, but I wasn't a complete leech either.
If a parent expects their child to pay rent, car payment, food, gas, car insurance, health insurance, college tuition, books, and all other expenses completely independently, it's probably not possible in today's economy.
Today, you need a highly specialized, in-demand degree from a top-tier university, an internship with a leading firm in the field, very high GPA, real employment experience, and oftentimes, insider connections, to get a good professional position out of college. Things were far, far less competitive five to ten years ago, and I don't think anyone would have realized how little things like extracurricular activities now mean in comparison to a long, extensive work history.
Actually my husband graduated in 2000 with a Bachelor of Arts degree from a respectable state school. And he went into retail... because in 2000 the dotcom bubble had burst and for the next few years it was a crappy time to be a new graduate.
I graduated in '99, but had been working in my industry since '96 (college-work experience) part time -- so my timing was lucky.
And personally, I was on college-track classes in high school, and most kids I knew had jobs. The only kids who didn't have jobs weren't because they were super smart and it would hurt their academics, it was because their families were super wealthy.
You can be very smart, and go to a decent college, and still hold down at least a part time job.
Anyone who tries to graduate college now without at least performing a semseter of practical experience is really being adventurous. 10/15 years ago, work experience was already the key to getting a GOOD job, now I imainge its the key to getting ANY job.
It's sickening to see so many "kid's"(Sure as hell aren't adults) graduating from school with absolutely no work experience whatsoever. IMO, most of today's 18 year olds are not adults. By law maybe.
I received a worker's permit at age 15.5 years old and began working in the local grocery store. I'm 27 now and haven't been without a job since. Parents paid for 1 semester of college and I paid for the rest. I'm thankful my parents raised me the way they did. I knew the value of a dollar early. I'm a better person because of it.
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