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I don't regret having my daughter but I do admit that I started off spending lots of money on her, which I wish I didn't. But there is no sense in regretting it.
She chooses not to be in team sports or any extra-curricular activities so I save money in that area. However, because she doesn't want to do any of those things, we expect her to excel in academics and make good choices with her allowance. She is expected to save half her allowance. The rest she spends how she wants. We save lots of money by requiring her to buy beyond the needs we provide her. Keep in mind that if she wanted to do something like dance, we will pay for it so that expense will not come out of her pocket. But she buys her toys (we buy Christmas and birthdays), the latest shoes that her friends are wearing (we buy practical shoes). We do buy her name brand clothing because we found it is worth it.
We also come up with ways for her to practice how to be on a team because she loses that opportunity by not being in extra-curricular activities. She is expected to help plan and make meals. The adults plan the family vacation destination but she is expected to help plan things she may want to do. We live in Florida, so many times, she chooses the theme parks. Another thing she does for us, which is priceless, is calling relatives which allows her to practice her conversation skills. She is a sweetheart and the relatives would rather hear from her than me or my husband. LOL.
Another example where she practices team building skills is in academics. She is required to use a math program from the school but she has a difficult time computing basic math problems AND entering the answer in the computer. Therefore, we enter the answers for her because she just gets so frustrated that she quits. She has to supply the answer. It is a real eye opener in how she handles stress and I am glad we can be there to talk her through her stress. I don't think we could really do that if she was in a team sport with kids we don't really know.
That is our life for now. Lots of research, planning, and doing while at the same time we learn about each other.
The op listed some things that are not NECESSARILY needed in raising children therefore not always needed costs. So they aren't costs everyone has.
Your child doesn't need camp, they want it. They don't need sports, they want it.
Housing, medical, food, etc are needs. People save and spend differently and it's what works for THEM.
What they want the most - to be a part of the crowd. If the crowd has those things, it is the need just like food or shelter... there is no half full glass here. Kids are cruel conformists. To be rejected teaches your kid nothing good and uplifting, except that his/her parents dont quite measure up because they've made some bad choices in their lives to capitalize on all those wonderful opportunities commanding top dollars and thus they are not an authority on anything that matters.
When I read this kind of stuff, it strikes me as paradoxical that poorer people have significantly more kids per family. If the reports are to be believed, only the affluent middle classes and the wealthy should have ANY children whatsoever.
There is that stereotype but there is quite a bit of data to refute it.
Among other things, the African American birth rate is now below replacement rate.
The Welfare Reform Act of 2004 that Bill Clinton signed into law prevents women already receiving public assistance from getting more AFDC (now called TANF) money for additional children. The whole "welfare queen" popping out additional kids for more money is a 1990 stereotype, not the 2016 reality.
Immigrants tend to have a higher birthrate than US-born citizens but the subsequent generations don't have that high birthrate.
What we have today is a single mother poverty problem, not a high birthrate problem. It's now pretty unusual for those single mothers to have a gaggle of kids.
Having kids is not for everyone and in this day and age I don't recommend it if you don't have some reasonable certainty of a decent financial future. However, most people who are willing to struggle have that within their grasp. They need to be willing to give up bad habits which drain finances and I will happily mention just a few:
[snip]
3. Renting instead of purchasing a home and gradually building up equity in your property.
That's funny that you think renting is a "bad habit." Most people I know with kids who are renting, are doing so because they can't break into a housing market full of all-cash buyers and offers 20%+ above asking. Or they made a calculated decision that renting is the most financially feasible way to live in a certain neighborhood that has advantages for their kids (schools etc.) or their career. It's pretty bizarre to put "renting" in a list next to items such as "buying $5 beers"... makes you sound pretty out of touch with reality, to be honest.
My children were my largest source of pleasure and companionship when young. Now that we're retired we also have the grands, which is great. Also my sons have been generous in helping us out with a few tasks that are physically too difficult now. They have professional jobs, but we still get together for family fun about twice a month. I consider my family the gift that just keeps on giving; life would be nothing without them.
You do know women were stay at home parents and then the idea of them working came around the time of ww1/2?
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
You almost sound like a rational thinking partner here.. wow!
How do you feel about the husbands who WANT their wives to stay home for the first few years of parenthood??? That's kinda how it went down in my marriage (although I did work part-time when our son turned 6 months).
Listen folks, this isn't 1920 or 1940, something called the FEMINIST movement happened, have you ever heard of it? It means that:
- Women can work
- Women can get degrees
- Women can run businesses
- Women can vote
- Women can be President (Crooked Hillary)
- Women can be bodybuilders
- Women can be slapped back by a Man (remember, we're equal!)
The basis of the movement was that women can do more than cook, clean, make babies, and watch babies.
Also something else happened, it's called INFLATION, have you ever heard of it? Inflation is through the roof and wages have not anywhere near kept up with inflation. This means that it's very difficult for ONE PERSON to support a family of four (the guy, his chick, and two kids). So you need TWO people working.
City Data is like a different universe than the vast majority of the country. I'm BLACK, grew up in a SINGLE mother household and most black people grow up in single parent households. For you guys to use these dull excuses of "needing" the chick to SIT in the house all damn day to watch kids like this is 1940....is beyond unreal. While you are out slaving, she's sitting in the house watching Jerry Springer or sending half nude pics to losers in her Facebook Inbox.
But again, maybe you guys are making $1 million a year and can afford this nonsense?
Most of us middle-class folk out here are going to need BOTH parents working and we will have to arrange the daycare related procedures for "little Tink Tink" when she's very young, in a way that's efficient.
Which might include needing family members to watch "little Tink Tink" for a fraction of the cost that it would be for someone like Michelle Gregg at Little Blossoms Academy to watch "little Tink Tink", especially considering Michelle Gregg can't keep her OWN kid out of a damn gorilla pit, so why in the hell should I trust her to watch "little Tink Tink"?
Last edited by jotucker99; 06-03-2016 at 10:30 AM..
I went to like 3 camps as a kid - camping with scouts once and a few basketball day camps - total cost was about $150. Sports was free outside and $25 per season at the local rec center.
I think the cost of raising a kid is often way overblown. Kids don't have to do as much as some people claim...a lot of them probably do too much and get bought too much.
That's awesome! Camps in my area start at $200/week per kid. Gymnastics, dance, karate, swimming are all hundreds of dollars per season.
That's funny that you think renting is a "bad habit." Most people I know with kids who are renting, are doing so because they can't break into a housing market full of all-cash buyers and offers 20%+ above asking. Or they made a calculated decision that renting is the most financially feasible way to live in a certain neighborhood that has advantages for their kids (schools etc.) or their career. It's pretty bizarre to put "renting" in a list next to items such as "buying $5 beers"... makes you sound pretty out of touch with reality, to be honest.
Yup. We rent because it is better for us in the short and mid run. Owning would require us both to work long hours, and not have much time or money to anything fun as a family. What's the point of having kids if we barely have time with them? What's the point of busting out butts for a house that sits empty all day, and sucks up every spare dime we have?
The op listed some things that are not NECESSARILY needed in raising children therefore not always needed costs. So they aren't costs everyone has.
Your child doesn't need camp, they want it. They don't need sports, they want it.
Housing, medical, food, etc are needs. People save and spend differently and it's what works for THEM.
Yes, the concept of "needs" versus "wants" shouldn't get tossed out the window - it applies to kids as much as adults. We tend to think that kids must have every minute filled with an ORGANIZED activity - problem is that organized is often code for "costs money". No need to be brainwashed by it - some things cost and some don't - the costly ones aren't necessarily better and aren't necessarily better liked or needed by your kids. It's lazy thinking to assume so. You have to say no to your kids just like to yourself.
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