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Ok there's a lot to our story but current situation is just making me feel very desperate.
Married with three young kids, wife stays at home most of the time, works once in a while, sometimes a few days a month, sometimes none.
We're in debt up to our eyeballs, but wife has always wanted to take the easy way out. She constantly looks for some easy trick, bankruptcy or some loophole to just get out of it. I feel we should make a serious effort to pay our ccs and get out, but we're living paycheck to paycheck, wife and kids have no health insurance, my health is going down the drain, I'm almost totally deaf (menieres disease) and work for a charity. I make a little over 60K. We have something like 13 credit cards that add up to somewhere around 40K and about 25K student loan. Plus mortgage of course, but we would be paying rent anyway. I don't know how to talk sense into her. We get calls from these debt settlement companies and it's almost like she would rather believe a crook that tells her what she wants to hear (it'll be easy, you'll be out of debt without problems). I don't know how to get through to her that we're in really deep crap here and this is an emergency. I've tried to get her to get a regular job maybe swing shift so we could switch watching the kids but she keeps saying the kids are important to her..blah blah. Well they are to me too, and I want her to be able to stay home, but this is something we need to take care of ASAP.
I've recently started having serious health symptoms, this stress is killing me.
No I won't divorce her, but I wish someone slapped some sense into her. I can't hold 2 jobs, my current job is already way too stressful.
She keeps saying that maybe there is some option we haven't considered.
What options do we have?
I feel that the main problem is her unwillingness to get a job. Yes it would be tough for her to get a job with almost no experience nowadays, (She has a 4 yr degree in psychology, but stayed at home since day 1) She has experience in caregiving which is what she does but that wouldn't work on a PT basis, everybody asks fulltime 12hr shifts and we can't do that. paying someone to take care of the kids would cancel out what she makes.
Oh man. Sounds like finances are not the main problem here, you guys need some professional help. Seriously, find a counseling service or something. It ain't just about staying home, it is about not being on the same page at all...
Totally agree with chet. All the answers you're going to be receiving, you probably won't want to hear. You need more income to pay off your debt. If you can't do it then guess what, your wife will have to. If you two can't accept that, then there's no help on the horizon. You say you wish someone would slap sense into her, my question is, why 'someone' and not her own husband?
Oh man. Sounds like finances are not the main problem here, you guys need some professional help. Seriously, find a counseling service or something. It ain't just about staying home, it is about not being on the same page at all...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kcatheart
Totally agree with chet. All the answers you're going to be receiving, you probably won't want to hear. You need more income to pay off your debt. If you can't do it then guess what, your wife will have to. If you two can't accept that, then there's no help on the horizon. You say you wish someone would slap sense into her, my question is, why 'someone' and not her own husband?
Yep, I also agree that money is not your main problem. From what you posted you folk's are like two mules in harness pulling in totally different directions!
i hear you been there done that.
it is not true that the marriage is not working, its working for her.
soon if all continues the same-- she will be a widow also works well for her.
she is not concerned bek what she is doing is working great.
many are willing to die for their marriage, and many happy to accomodate them.
Stop working. Completely. If she is a leech, she'll find new blood to suck. Probably within six months or less.
Give her the alternatives of couples counseling and financial counseling. Yeah, it is a power play. Big deal.
You say you won't divorce her but I can say with 100% certainty that you are headed towards an inevitable divorce or death if you continue without taking action.
One slight possibility - if she started a child-care center, and got enough enrollment, she could hire people part-time so she didn't have to work full 12 hour shifts.
The bottom line is that you are poor and not acting like you are poor. Take away all credit cards, buy on a cash basis, and cut the extraneous. We live on a fraction of what you bring in.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. And I'm sorry to say it, but your wife sounds terrible. I'd suggest getting a divorce and cutting her out entirely but that would bring about wayyy more problems than it would solve.
I'm assuming that she has access to credit cards, debit cards, etc. I would take away those cards. I would cut them up or hide them somewhere that she couldn't find them. Only let her have money if she asks you for it. I think that marriage is a union and what's yours is hers but honestly - you're the one bringing in the money and she's leeching off of you. She's obviously proven herself to be incapable of handling money. From now on if she wants to buy something have her ask you for the money. That will get old reeeal fast.
I'd also like to know how old your children are. That might change some of the advice you get. If they're younger I could understand your wife not wanting to leave being a stay at home mom, but if they're in middle or high school, they can stay home by themselves. If they are younger, do you have family members who could watch them while your and your wife are working?
Maybe you could try sitting down with her and showing her a list of what you both owe. Write out all of your debt so that she can see where the money has gone and how big of a deal it really is. I would suggest marriage or financial counseling but I'm sure that isn't cheap..
Yup, sounds familiar...my brother went through the same thing...she felt entitled also, no work ethic, she contributed nothing, she was the laziest person I've ever been around. She got one job but didn't even make it through her first day...her longest stint was 2 weeks. In a short time she blew through 35k...he finally divorced her thank goodness. She claimed she'd just find another "provider"....6 months later she hasn't found one yet...but had the nerve to call my brother asking for money....
Your situation mirrors my brothers...she was CONFIDENT he would NEVER leave her...not HER...she was SHOCKED when he did.
It was sad watching my brother stressed out trying to stay afloat the 3 years they were married, it aged him...it's nice to see him at ease and smile again.
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