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Hmmm...well while I wouldn't ever brag out it to my friends, I have a 30K+ car that I paid cash for. How? By not spending my money at bars and restaurants like my friends do. So...maybe she's cheap on the little stuff to buy the big stuff?
Regardless it is rude to talk about money so she's tacky. But, its really none of your business anyway. You never know where money comes from, her family, a dead grandmother, an interesting side profession...who knows so don't judge.
She's not necessarily the type that bothers me. I have four siblings, all older, two of which are brothers. My brothers could not be more different in the way they handle money.
Brother 1 is like your friend. He has money, he's smart with it, but is also incredibly cheap. He'll brag about buying a car in cash one day and then cry about the price of milk the next. He certainly has money and is very smart with his investments, but incredibly annoying all the same. He takes it one step further by feeling it is his duty to analyze everyone's spending habits and giving out financial advice.
Brother 2 is the one who is the real "pretender". He's broke. Everyone knows he's broke. He has tens of thousands of dollars in cc debt and manages his money horribly. He's good enough to pay his mortgage, but that's it. Last year he begged our parents to buy Christmas presents for their son as they didn't have any money. 5 months later they took a family vacation to Cancun. They always want to go out to eat and he is the first to whip out his wallet and offer to pick up the bar tab and always tips way too much. He is the classic case of someone who doesn't have money constantly putting on the show.
As for your friend, do what we do with brother 1 and just tell her that you don't want to discuss finances. She may very well be sitting on a large ball of cash despite her apartment being bare, her clothes being older and her resistance to spend money on a movie. However you slice it dealing with her is way better than dealing with a real money pretender like brother 2 when you cringe and ask yourself why everytime they spend a dollar.
I know it's not any of my business to call her out on it, but her bragging has got to stop. It's not even a matter of being frugal--she's downright cheap, and it's VERY tacky.
I should mention she's only 21, so a lot of it comes from immaturity on her part. Many times she doesn't know when to shut up when we're out with friends. I'll have told her something which I thought should naturally be in confidence, and next thing I know, she's announcing it to our circle of friends. Now, I lace every comment with "please don't share this is the whole world".
Sure, I have my own faults, but I know what they are. She's pointed out things to me that she finds annoying, like my constant comments proving myself right--and guess what? I've stopped verbalizing those things. I'm willing to change if someone tells me they find something annoying. I thought that's what you do for friends, but I guess I'm just too nice when it comes to that.
By the way, it's not just being cheap in terms of going to the movies--it's a whole lot of other things. She'll conveniently forget to bring money when we go do things, which means I end up paying and I have to remind her 20 times to pay me back. Or, she'll brag about going on lavish trips with her family (which they never end up going on, go figure), but when I mention going out of town and splitting a hotel for a night, she'll be all game...but the next day I'll get a text saying she can't do it.
Blah. I need to stop ranting and move on. Unfortunately, when I TRY to ignore her, she freaks out and tries to contact me in 100 different ways.
My dime store opinion - Your friend's behavior is generally a sign of an insecurity quirk. Her (misinformed) view is that you will think better of her/value her worth higher as measured by her purported financial status. She is actually trying to garner your esteem and approval because she feels insecure about her basic self image. Its a not uncommon quirk, most seen in the younger set, though there are indeed life long examples. If she is a true friend in other respects, perhaps you can just overlook it. Calling her out will only threaten her and complicate your relationship. A dash of humor on your part may ease the situation. If it is intolerable, best find new friends. JMO
I’ll add a dime to this accurate opinion. This is a phase frugal people go through because of years of being politely denigrated by friends/relatives for their meager lifestyle. The frugal types need to play the game (subconsciously) if they are to have relationships with these spendthrifts.
As life experiences go on she’ll have the conviction of ridding these politely condescending people in her life & move on.
Totally agree that her problem is that she feels her worth is tied up into her finances. How much she has, what she spends and her presumed ability to do so.
Whether she actually has the cash isn't the point. She may or may not be financially in the position she presents, but she does want others to believe she is.
Think the real problem is not her bragging as you can ignore that. It's that she agrees to do something (movie, dinner, etc) and then backs out of paying or going at the last minute. As she has a pattern of this next time an event comes up put her on the spot. Ask her point blank if she is going or going to back out again at the last minute, that you want to go but don't want to be stood up or stuck with the bill.
If she hears you and does it again then don't invite her anymore or at the very least ask for seperate checks the minute you sit down.
The OP friend does not have a pot to "P" in and uses the excuses as a self defense.
When it comes down to the person with the wod of bills...bar hoppers do the same with a $20 on top and all $1 on the inside.
When in college and working at my dads gas station this one man would always come in to purchase gas...stand on the outside of the car...ask for $1.50 worth of gas...check the tires (air)...check the radiator for water...check the oil...and clean his windshield every single trip. Unfortunetly there are all kinds in life we may have to deal with.
I once did work with a person who smoked a lot (nicotine fingers) but never had change to pay for his coffee and doughnut.
When I was a kid, my first job was working at a gas station pumping gas. There were people I swear who went to the bank, made a withdrawal, then went to buy gas. They would pull out this big fat wad of singles which made it appear to be a lot of money, they would ask for $5 in gas which would fill the tank, then go back to put the money back in the bank. You knew they were showing off because of the way they so carefully exposed it.
As a general rule, most of the people I know who have really accumulated wealth, try to hide the fact. It is the people who are insecure about their financial position who feel the need to brag. If you have money, people are always trying to get you to give them a loan, or invest in something, or buy something. It can get to be a real pain. It is just easier to drive an old car, keep your personal business to your self, and avoid being constantly hassled. It's called camouflage.
I have a question for you. Why do you consider someone that irritates you, a friend? If she annoys you now, it will only get worse. Ignore her and hope that she will go away eventually. If she wants to know why, tell her the truth. Spend more time with people you like.
But I agree with the others. She thinks that money is important. Whether she really has it, is a moot point. At least, she is being honest about spending big bucks on theater tickets. I'll agree with her on that one. I'll save the price and put it towards something that will last more than a couple of hours.
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