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Like I am sputtering out...going through the motions 24/7
We have young children whom I ADORE...and it takes up 99% of my time...health is not great, even for 50...
No hobbies that I have time for...very challenging children...a marriage that has been status quo for a long time
I am NOT suicidal and would never do that to my kids...just don't seem to care about anything else other than the kids
is this mid life crisis??
am I discovering that my youth truly is gone...all the good carefree times have been over for a while, but I think I'm finally coming to that realization
what do I look forward to that is mine and only mine...nothing??
Life is like an airline flight, the exhilaration of takeoff and climb to altitude, then the cruise phase, and then there comes that inevitable moment when you realize descent has started and landing is just ahead. It affects us all, yet some people never seem to come to terms with it. We all have to face the fact that we are here for a brief time, we get to see about a thousand full moons on average.
1) Take care of your health
2) Restart you marriage
3) Your children will come into their own , don't try to live their lives for them.
Pinpoint some health issues that are an issue and do something about them. I've been in alternative medicine for over 25 yrs and I'm 79 and quite healthy.
Life is full of ups and downs and you brought children into this world and they are top priority...there are enough deadbeat dads out there. Don't be one of them.
50 is prime of life and one thing to look at is male hormones. Thyroid too could be whacked out. There is so much to think about and work on and only you know what is going on with the health.
I can relate, to some degree. Probably not to the depths mentioned, but maybe half-way there. I'm roughly about the same age too. The worse part is to look back to better/happier times, especially times of greater freedom, and feel something very important lost.
Try to improve your health as a starting point. If your health is "not great", and you're only 50, that's significant already, and will become worse if not corrected soon. Improving your health will also help you feel better and have more energy to devote to your kids.... and to yourself. Are you taking vitamins? It's surprising how quickly a person can run down if they are missing even a few essential vitamins and minerals.
Take up a hobby that you can really enjoy, and can do for yourself. Maybe start off with a small amount of time at first, then slowly add in more time when possible.
Try not to lose hope about your youth and good times. Maybe they can come back. Sometimes, after the kids are old enough, you can start to bring back some of the old days. At least, that's what I look forward to. It sounds like maybe you were single for a long time, and started a family later in life than normal. That's a big adjustment.
Like I am sputtering out...going through the motions 24/7
We have young children whom I ADORE...and it takes up 99% of my time...health is not great, even for 50...
No hobbies that I have time for...very challenging children...a marriage that has been status quo for a long time
I am NOT suicidal and would never do that to my kids...just don't seem to care about anything else other than the kids
is this mid life crisis??
am I discovering that my youth truly is gone...all the good carefree times have been over for a while, but I think I'm finally coming to that realization
what do I look forward to that is mine and only mine...nothing??
Get your hormones checked. They affect psychology. But also be aware that having challenging kids in one's 50's can definitely be stressful. Get a massage. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel afterwards. A massage turns off the stress hormones and turns on the feel-good endorphins and the parasympathetic nervous system. It gets you out of the overwhelmed state, and into feeling like you can handle life, no problem.
Consider getting one/month, or once every 6 weeks. This is more important right now than your monthly session at the hairdresser's. It will help prevent the burnout your heading toward.
Could be you feel as though you are living solely for your children because you fundamentally are, and simply because this represents their demands? But you are living your life through their aspirations, your only aspirations are their aspirations? Obsessive love happens at all ages, and I`d imagine it as likely that a young mother would be going through the same thing.
As for your age, having been alive fifty years gives not so much away, you may only have aged in real terms to thirty five, or at the other extreme, perhaps to sixty, or sixty five even. For your hormones, your endocrine system, apart from trying to avoid taking any directly there is the holistic approach. We are hard wired. Be certain to retain the facet which enables a guy to find those females which are the most attractive the most attractive, and totally irrespective of any disparity of years. Not of course to confuse this in any way with beauty. To steer the mind by another route could only be the cause of accelerated ageing, and hormonal balance being the first in line to waiver. "Know" that you are not one single day over the age of twenty five yourself, and engage in regular whole body resistance exercise. This all works, and whilst my father died at seventy four through complications associated with ageing, I`m gaining new physical world records and approaching my mid sixties. I recently set a record by alternate arm 20 kg dumbbell biceps curling for one continuous set, and completing 610 full repetitions in one hour. As I stressed, little is known of your age merely because you have lived for fifty years. My fullowering by the way, my fan base, none of them appear to be over the age of sixteen. You owe it to young people, in this case your children, not to grow old and weary, but to pioneer the way with an extended youth span.
None of them want to grow old, and they can identify far better with the young of heart, preferably everything else young too, and this no matter how many years have actually elapsed. It matters less that the battle must one day be lost, they identify with the battle. Neither would they wish to be old. Extended youth would likely be their number one aspiration, but it is down to you in demonstrating to them that this is even an option. This way not only are you making time for yourself, loving yourself, moving ever further from that place of depression, you are taking the rest of your family with you.
Last edited by celebritydiscodave; 09-08-2017 at 01:44 AM..
Like I am sputtering out...going through the motions 24/7
We have young children whom I ADORE...and it takes up 99% of my time...health is not great, even for 50...
No hobbies that I have time for...very challenging children...a marriage that has been status quo for a long time
I am NOT suicidal and would never do that to my kids...just don't seem to care about anything else other than the kids
is this mid life crisis??
am I discovering that my youth truly is gone...all the good carefree times have been over for a while, but I think I'm finally coming to that realization
what do I look forward to that is mine and only mine...nothing??
Well if you are super into your kids that is a good thing. I'd say continue, and get super involved, sign up to be the scout leader, the baseball coach, or both. If that is where your energy is then go for it.....but what is disturbing is your statement about "Going through the motions". What do you mean by that?
OP: Look at hormones for sure. DHEA begins to decline in both genders at 20-30 and conventional medicine as far as I know DOES NOT look at this critical support.
OP: Look at hormones for sure. DHEA begins to decline in both genders at 20-30 and conventional medicine as far as I know DOES NOT look at this critical support.
DHEA is an adrenal hormone that, when insufficient, could be a sign of early stage adrenal fatigue. This is the "burnout" I mentioned in my post. It shouldn't be supplemented without also testing cortisol levels, because to supplement DHEA only could cause an adrenal hormone imbalance. OP, you might consider looking for a doctor or nurse practitioner or naturopathic doctor who administers the adrenal stress index test. It's a saliva collection test that tells you your DHEA and cortisol levels, both. Insurance doesn't cover it; the test fee is around $100. It also gives you info about your immune function. Low adrenal hormones can bring your immune function down.
Most conventional doctors will pooh-pooh the idea that you might have early stage adrenal issues. Unless you're feeling some level of chronic fatigue, and changes to your sleep pattern, I wouldn't worry about this, yet.
A little off topic, but I have read in the psychological literature and noticed in my personal life that young American mothers are totally obsessed with their children. As in to an unhealthy degree. This is not as true with mothers of other cultures. Mothers need to have their own personal interests. They need to be a person besides, "Timmy and Sally's mother." (or sometimes wife). My younger sister, who I love dearly, is a prime example of this. She has nothing in her life beyond motherhood. I have encouraged her to develop a hobby or something else to stop the obsession with every sniffle and homework paper but she has resisted.
One day I asked her what she liked to do. She told me about her mother's group, Sunday school for babies, PTA mom, etc. I asked, "But what do YOU as a person like to do? You know, just for yourself?" She had no answer. So when the kids grow up and move away, parents and especially mothers can go into a deep depression because they never developed themselves as a person beyond motherhood. I think that's very important, even if they themselves don't. This article describes the importance of prioritizing self and marriage when it comes to parenting.
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