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Has anyone else noticed that there seems to be a bias towards action in our society? At the moment, I am letting myself be annoyed by this phenomenon in the medical field, but I am sure people can come up with examples pulled from other contexts.
I have noticed that when it comes to health decisions, it seems like you are always expected to try a treatment, if a) the condition you have is serious and b) there is at least some small chance that the treatment might really pay off —- even if this treatment has some very serious potential side effects.
If you look at the stats and say: “True, this treatment is my best chance to put my debilitating (but non-fatal) autoimmune disease into remission, but, on the other hand, it raises my life-time risk for a certain nasty cancer by 500%,” sure as water is wet, every single person (friends, family and medical professionals included) will say something like this: “But just try it!” “How can you say this treatment is not for you if you don’t know how you’re going to react?” “I bet you’ll be fine!” “You might really regret not even having tried.” “If your doctor suggested it, it might actually be the right thing for you, you know.” Etc., etc., etc. They of course will never come out and say: “You’re such a coward!” if you don’t “even try,” but you suspect that is what they will think (if they are actually thinking about the situation and not just on social autopilot).
Now that I think of it, there is a very similar social dynamic around the question of whether or not to have children. For those who are on the fence, it can be a really high stakes decision with potentially huge upsides and huge downsides. And yet, they will hear a similar chorus of: “Just do it!” “You will never know how great kids can be, if you don’t at least try?” “You’ll regret not even trying ...”
Thanks for this post! I share your frustration about "just try it."
About the having kids thing...I've been told, "but you'd be such a good mother!" (based on exactly what? People are so frightened when you refuse to follow the societal script, it seems.)
I have replied, "will you say the same when I chuck it in the nearest dumpster?"
Oh, the horrified looks! But at least they shut up.
About medical treatments, I'm at a loss what to say about such badgering.
On a much more trivial note:
"What do you mean, you don't like lima beans? Just try them!" As if the resulting vomiting is no big thang.
I feel this way when people say congress should be doing something. Yes they should, they should be reducing government excess, reducing taxes, expanding freedoms and repealing laws which infringe on rights to body, property and self defense like ending the war on drugs. But if they are not going to do so I rather they do nothing and not pass any laws that makes things worse.
@Zenstyle — to be fair, I wasn’t really badgered about the medical decision. I went and discussed the two possibilities with various people, hoping to find another voice for “just don’t do it.”
@john620 — interesting. I hadn’t considered a political context, but now that you bring this up, it reminds me of something I experienced on a much smaller scale. I was on the board of a UU church and while quite a few people on the board always wanted to get ever more pledges ($$$) from people so they could hire more staff, grow the congregation and make our organization “better,” I mostly argued for keeping the status quo: “We are already financially secure and have an amazing, vibrant group, why don’t we just enjoy what we have? Is bigger really going to be better?”
The correlative is "What happens if I push this button?"
Lol.
Actually, I know someone extremely optimistic (OK, it is my DH) who has that very question pop into his brain more frequently than I would like.
The most recent example: He got a speeding ticket on July 4th in a state which is not our state. (In his defense, I do believe there was a speed trap involved.) Anyway, yesterday he got a solicitation from some out-of-state lawyer to take on his case. Although we can easily afford to pay the ticket and my husband has no worries about points on his license, he wanted to hire the lawyer “just to see what it would be like” to hire a lawyer for this kind of thing. I think I have successfully talked him out of this amazing new life experience. 😊
Being open-minded and exploring your options is a good stance I think. That may be the easiest part of the process. Once I've done that sometimes I just have to make my best informed leap into the unknown.
I'm not sure what the tipping point is for me as linear thinking is not my best quality. I think that it may be that point when I've gathered my information, done everything I can think of to do to ameliorate the problem on my own and am still feeling dissatisfied with the outcome. I can live okay with nearly anything if I feel like I've done my best to alter the situation. Sometimes things just aren't meant to change.
And I am also okay with watchful indecision and inaction knowing that I always have the option to change my mind. Life has a way of making decisions for me in spite of what I want and part of living well for me is being prepared to accept that and not spend too much time second-guessing. It's a miserable way to live for me.
I watched a lifelong friend go through this about six years ago when she didn't feel well, made a trip to the emergency room and discovered eventually that her whole torso was full of cancer. When I visited her after the surgeries and during her long siege of chemo she was a living corpse, aged twenty years in a flash.
I felt sick knowing that she didn't have long to live and was still subjecting herself to the poisoning treatments. How do you even say that? What do you say?
We go back sixty-some years so can talk about nearly anything. I don't know what I managed - something about was she sure she wanted to do the treatments. She said, "How can I not?"
That was it. She felt she needed to take advantage of what was offered to her so there was no need to discuss it further.
Now these years later my friend is a living miracle restored to her healthy appearing self complete with a full head of hair. Yet last I lunched with her she told me that she has developed serious problems with her digestive system being "fried" and struggling learning how to live with that.
She didn't say how she felt about the unintended consequences and I didn't ask. I perceive that she is grateful to be alive and has a rich life to live yet.
It wouldn't have been my choice but she's not me.
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