Don't buy that house with a side by side driveway! (Pittsburgh: buying a home, buying)

[cam1957]

I bought this house 10 years ago. The day I moved in, my new neighbor sternly told me it’s not a communal driveway. Two separate concrete driveways up against each other and the only divider is the caulking down the middle. The driveways sit between the two houses. I’ve always respected him & his property. I shoveled his driveway several years ago and he told me that I chipped his concrete. (No more neighborly shoveling). I’ve cleaned up his leaves, swept his driveway, power washed his driveway and returned his trash and recycling bins back to their proper places on trash days over the past 10 years. Nothing is ever good enough. I don’t drive in winter, so I don’t use MY driveway and I stopped shoveling it last winter. Last year, he had the township snow plow push a big pile of snow almost to my son’s bumper on the street. I turned the other cheek... I even called his wife and asked if he was mad at me for not shoveling my driveway and she said that he wasn’t. We have been good neighbors to each other, but I walk on eggshells when it comes to his persnickety obsession over the driveways. He acts like his is diamond studded. I’ve never driven on his side.



I own this house. I shovel my walkway that leads to my door. I shovel in front of the mailbox on the street. I pay my taxes and abide by the law. Am I being lazy not shoveling the driveway that I do not use in the winter? Yes, but it’s my driveway. Is snow from my driveway blowing onto his? No


In January, after the first snow melted, he took mulch from my walkway and put it in my grass. This man is in his 70’s. I welcome him to use my driveway if he needs it. Its slabs of concrete for heavens’ sake. Now he’ll drive up the driveway and purposefully come onto my driveway just to be a jerk. He also has a log at the bottom of his driveway so that all of the drainage from his driveway comes into my yard. I only realized this, this past summer. I thought the log was there to prevent his tires from going into his grass. My yard is eroding over the hill in the back. I have been catering to this man for 10 years and am disgusted that I’m being bullied by a senior citizen. I don’t have it in me to be nasty like he is, so I won’t stoop to his level. I’ve resorted to taking pictures to prove that his driveway ices up. If I don’t shovel my driveway, there is no path to my yard for the snow from his driveway to drain to, leaving the bottom of his driveway icy. I’ll eventually talk to him, but I’m afraid I’ll take a stroke or a heart attack if I try to do it right now. We’re supposed to “love thy neighbor”. God knows that I’ve gone above and beyond to do that. I’ve never in my life had any problems with neighbors. NEVER buy a house with a side by side driveway. I’ve done enough research on this subject to know that there is no winning in this situation. I’ll keep playing the Powerball and pray to win, so that I can move!

[thunderkat59]

I have a side-by-side. Not ideal, but we have a way of parking where a all cars of both households can be in the driveway, and we can go around them . . . In other words, one person doesn't have to back out to let the other person out at 6:30 in the morning. I would say you have a neighbor problem, not a driveway problem. I had those too, but unfortunately, the only way I fixed that was to move. I feel yer pain. Having neighbor problems is second only to migraine or toothache.

[CSD610]

Why don't you pray for God to soften the heart of your neighbor? That would be much more productive.

[bluecarebear]

This is the one thing I have never understood about Pittsburgh. The sharing of things like driveways, yards, and utilities. Something goes wrong and the responsibility (or hell) is dumped on one person. Even though there is caulking to separate the driveway, it sounds like you screwed yourself when you bought the place. I agree with CSD610, start praying.

[Copanut]

Side by side driveways are a big no-no with me when buying a home. Some people are just pitas no matter how nice you are.

[cam1957]

Thank you for your input. I've never had a problem with any neighbor I've ever had. It's a pretty expensive lesson to have learned.

I never thought of anything like this happening. I did screw myself. I thought I could just be a good neighbor and everything would be okay.

I've prayed for patience for myself to turn the other cheek and do whatever I could to not give him any reason to have a complaint about me. I never thought of praying for him, but I think I'll have to give it a try!

We both have garages and we use them. Each driveway is wide enough so that we both could drive down them at the same time. There is not enough room, however, to install a wall between them. We both could easily park two vehicles at the bottom of each driveway. There is no lack of room.

I feel like he wants me to shovel my driveway, so that he can use it as "communal" property in the winter. I should shovel my driveway so that when he gets stuck on the ice in his, he has another route out of his driveway. I even told him last year that he might be able to get better traction if he drove on the snow on my driveway.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

[guy2073]

cut 6" off your driveway and put up a fence, problem solved

[szug-bot]

Originally Posted by bluecarebear

This is the one thing I have never understood about Pittsburgh. The sharing of things like driveways, yards, and utilities. Something goes wrong and the responsibility (or hell) is dumped on one person...

There MUST be many situations where people do get along after a disagreement. Maybe we only hear about the one in a hundred where there is only resulting friction between the neighbors.

That being said - I am w/ Copanut: I will never share a driveway, a structure itself (duplex), and if it's one of those deals where the backyards mesh together, a fence is going to go up.

Cam1957, I truly am sad for your stress. (I've had my share of idiot neighbors). Understand that it is NOT your doing - this is a man with deep emotional issues that were never resolved, and he is picking on someone he perceives as weaker than himself (I am assuming you are a woman, hence his bullying).

I hope you do not stop caring for neighbors because of this one bully.

But you know, it doesn't sound THAT bad. He is not compromising your safety, or anyone else's it sounds like. Would you agree that it's just about your feelings, your pride, which are bruised? (and there is nothing wrong with that).

You must change your tone when dealing with him. From your post, it sounds like you are a spiritual person, and one that is trying not to be a hypocrite, so you are being respectful and kind at all times. I have to tell you you would NOT be out of line if you did stand up for yourself and vent to the ogre. You DO have a right to do that.

Now, I'm not saying to go all Hebrew and sling a big stone at his head (but if you DO, please video it and share!), but the "turning the cheek" depends on the context. It does NOT mean to just take abuse constantly.

Realize its what you do with your anger or frustration that keeps you a good, sane person. Let it stew? Just smother it? Neither of those are healthy.

Tell him, YELL at him, that he is simply being so....so...so "PHILISTINE"!!! (reference to another thread)

Sometimes, that it all it takes for someone to realize they are being a total @#$%. He probably never had anyone tell him he is a big jerk.

Good luck.

[erieguy]

Originally Posted by guy2073

cut 6" off your driveway and put up a fence, problem solved

Yup.

[captainmidnight]

The neighbor sounds like a guy who has lived in that house for a long time and it just set in his ways on how he handles the driveway or the previous owner of your house got along better with the neighbor and they were in sync on how to use the driveway.

Personally, if I see any house with a shared driveway and I don't even bother. Too much hassle, IMO. I would find a way to put some kind of fence up and make sure you get all the needed permit because the neighbor sounds like the type who would make a stink about it.