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I was recently talking about how parents get all kinds of perks (like paternity leave, tax write-offs, more time off work etc) and how those of us without kids don't get jack. Well, the lady I was talking to went on the usual bovine tirade about how she "needs" those services...btw, I am absolutely through showing any respect to "mothers" and will refer to those cows by their rightful names, "bovines", for the remainder of this thread. And yes, I did call the abusive, grotesque creature that brought me into this wretched state we call "life" by such names too. But I digress.
Anyhow, the bovine went on and on about "I have children and need x,y, and z and you don't need anything else because you don't have any." I asked "well, if I don't get those things, than what do I get?"
"Nothing because you don't need any special services because you don't have kids!" And then I whipped out the finishing move: I said "so...having no kids is enough of a privilege?"
She, like any good cow, looked at me and said "No! You are missing out if you don't have kids!"
Well...if I am missing out, why not any perks for me? She stormed away, having lost the argument.
Yeah, you get more time off if you have kids, pay less in taxes etc. And the reason is obvious and we all know it: if you have spawn, you are at a disadvantage to those of us who understand that little poop-machines are not worth the hassle. Hence you need special treatment to put yourselves on equal footing with us.
It is societies attempt to make breeders equal with those of us who understand birth control. Hence, some inequality must exist. Why not admit it?
And I will even stop my usual family-hating rhetoric to say this: you value your kids. Fair enough. Is it so hard to admit those of us who do not are going to have an easier time in the workforce and in life in general? Even if you do enjoy being a parent for reasons I can't fathom, is it so hard to admit that it is a trade-off?
I can sleep in for as long as I want to (aside from getting up for work) not worry about money and do what I want, when I want to. I can live in a tiny apartment in the middle of a city and not worry about schools or whatever. I can take another job in another city and leave and not care about resettling a clan or runny-nosed screamers and my schedule is mine and mine alone (aside from work)
So honestly, who is "missing out" here?
The other day I walk up at 1pm, smoked some refer (legal here) and went to a bar and then just kind of did...whatever. In quiet. No other human demanding my time or energy. Just me. I think "fambly" people secretly envy people like me, they are just too weak to admit it.
So keep your tax breaks and your paid paternity leave, and your eternal excuse for being late to work that I am not allowed to dispute. I'll keep my disposable income, good night's sleep, and all around fun life.
We both know I am the one who has come out ahead in life.
Apparently, I'm a bovine. In the spirit of this thread only, I'll refer to childless people as jackasses or donkeys.
As a bovine, I'll have to say, some time in the past, I had the choice to live life as a donkey, but alas, the donkey life was not for me. I'm a bovine. I had this inner urge to find my own bull and have my own calves. We make our own fun playing cow games. I don't stand at the fence gazing into some donkey's yard filled with weed thinking "Hay! I want some of that to smoke." Neither do I get my jollies drinking at the trough with donkeys. I pretty much hang out with my herd. If life throws some clover my way, I amble over and eat some because I'm in my own field and it's one of the perks. As I stand around chewing my cud, I think about how lucky I am to have my own field and and my own herd. I also think about how unfortunate it is that the donkey is standing alone over in his field with no clover and no one to eat it with.
I have one child. I qualify for zero tax credits. All those "tax credits" for having kids disappear once you move into a decent middle class income. So no tax benefits.
I also won't say you're missing out. I have one and don't want anymore, I never have. I admit my child wasn't planned, had I never gotten pregnant I would have been perfectly happy with that situation as well. I love my kid to pieces but it's a ton of work, even as they get older. There is driving her to her activities (5 nights a week), homework, ensuring she eats healthy meals, laundry, plus all the other fun parenting stuff. It's not for everyone and I don't know why some people feel the need to scream that you're missing out by not having kids. It's a personal choice and not for everyone. I get annoyed when people ask why we didn't have more kids.
However, those "perks" aren't available to all families (beyond paternity leave). Even then, paternity leave isn't necessarily paid or guaranteed depending on how long you've been at a job and other factors.
However I will refrain from calling those who choose not to have children ugly names. No need to name call, that's just petty.
I have never thought about having my own children until recently. I always have had great boyfriends. The only person I thought about having children with is my current boyfriend. I think parenting is a lot of responsibility.
I want my own children in the future, I don't know what suddenly changed my mind. I, just like you, think having children is a very personal decision. like you said, it is "their" lifestyle decision and choice.
This said, op obviously should have chosen his words more carefully.
A word of advice from someone who raised three kids and observed many other families-
Make damn sure that family unit is stable and very long term before you have kids. The last thing a kid needs is a single parent family in which there is instability and uncertainty.
A word of advice from someone who raised three kids and observed many other families-
Make damn sure that family unit is stable and very long term before you have kids. The last thing a kid needs is a single parent family in which there is instability and uncertainty.
Thank you Hawk. That is a great advice.
My own parents have stayed together in a happy marriage for a very long time. My two brothers are happily married. So these gave me hope.
Agree 100 percent that the OP should never have kids. He's not mature enough for such a job.
Both of my adult children have decided they don't want kids, and I'm fine with that decision. Raising children is a difficult job that never ends. There are many rewards, but also many hardships and responsibilities. If you don't want to make that kind of commitment, don't do it.
It's pretty apparent from his first paragraph that the OP has Mommy issues which has colored his view on having children.
I agree. Not all people should have children, and I appreciate the ones who decide that before they end up saddled with kids. We have seen plenty of people who have them and then discover that it isn't something they really want, or they make the same mistakes their own parents made because that's the only model of child-rearing they know. Parenthood doesn't come with a manual, so people usually do what their own parents did.
I love my kids, but I understand why some people wouldn't like being tied down or are afraid they will make bad parents.
My original post was probably too unkind in my wording because I was put off by the language of bovines and breeders, but actually the OP has made a good decision in life in my opinion.
Kids require a ton of cash to house, feed, and educate. I shelled out half a million just for college for my three kids.
What are the benefits? They are not financial. It is all the laughs and good times that we had and still have. My wife and I are home bodies and would not have done one quarter of the things we did unelss we had our kids. Many more trips, more activities, and more parents of other kids met at events. We laugh our asses off when we are together.
If people don't want kids, that is fine. But for me, I could not imagine my life without kids and can say it has been a hell of a lot better than it would have been otherwise. For other people, kids may not be as much fun.
Yup.
My kids get me out of the house more, too.
They're still little, but they crack me up all the time.
We also had to seriously clean up our acts. I believe in leading by example, so out went all the bad stuff. I haven't eaten so many vegetables since I was a kid!
My own parents have stayed together in a happy marriage for a very long time. My two brothers are happily married. So these gave me hope.
Sounds like good odds for you as well. Good luck!
Would you have more cash without kids? Yes. Would you have more fun? Depends on what you consider fun. I HATE trips by myself and accumulating cars, property, and material things doesn't do it for me anymore.
The best money I have spent in my lifetime has been on times with my wife and kids. The kids are all in thier 20s now, but we go hiking together in the national parks 3-4 times a year and it is still loads of fun.
The second bolded, I have to respectfully disagree with you here. My own brother is a former Marine and I grew up with the Marines because my brother is 10 plus years older than me. Volunteering at VA hospital makes me a very compassionate person. I also lost a boyfriend to suicide, this changed my views on life completely. I certainly became a much more compassionate person. I believe anybody who are suffering deserve at least a big hug. I also understand that angry people are not happy people. Sometimes,the anger outbursts is nothing but defense mechanism. No one knows what these angry people have been through..
Bottom line is that you cannot compare or quantify love and happiness, just like you can't compare or quantify pain, hardship or suffering. Parenthood although is very rewarding and noble, is simply not for everyone.
Thats very cool Lilyflower. I feel your pain. I in no way meant my statement to be all-inclusive. Of course there are exceptions.
Apparently, I'm a bovine. In the spirit of this thread only, I'll refer to childless people as jackasses or donkeys.
As a bovine, I'll have to say, some time in the past, I had the choice to live life as a donkey, but alas, the donkey life was not for me. I'm a bovine. I had this inner urge to find my own bull and have my own calves. We make our own fun playing cow games. I don't stand at the fence gazing into some donkey's yard filled with weed thinking "Hay! I want some of that to smoke." Neither do I get my jollies drinking at the trough with donkeys. I pretty much hang out with my herd. If life throws some clover my way, I amble over and eat some because I'm in my own field and it's one of the perks. As I stand around chewing my cud, I think about how lucky I am to have my own field and and my own herd. I also think about how unfortunate it is that the donkey is standing alone over in his field with no clover and no one to eat it with.
You as a child free person may have an advantage in the short run but not the long run...When you are old and feeble and have no protective advocate such as an adult child...no matter how much money you spend on a fancy old folks home there will be no guarantee that you will not ne smacked around for pooing your pants....
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