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It is very strange that people skew what a feminist really is. All it is is someone who wants women to have similar opportunities to men in their lives - to live how they would like to live (within the confines of the law). Women who want to stay at home should be able to do so if they are able. Women who want to work, should also be able to do so if they are able.
Not even sure why there is a debate on this. If people think that a parent should stay home with the kid, then let the man stay home if his wife/SO would rather work.
Women today have more opportunities than men. Feminists don't want equal. They want more.
It's why I am not a feminist. I think women/men should do what they want. So I am a free choicer. Not a feminist.
Most women aren't feminists either. If a girl on her HS graduation day says she wants to be a mother and a wife ... just imagine the SUPPORT and LOVE she will get from "feminists." Riiiiiiiiiiight. They'll tell her she's an idiot, backward, stupid, ridiculous, immature ... because family doesn't matter to today's feminists. And the responses to what I have just written will prove it.
Because in order to a be a feminist you MUST WORK.
Women today have more opportunities than men. Feminists don't want equal. They want more.
It's why I am not a feminist. I think women/men should do what they want. So I am a free choicer. Not a feminist.
Most women aren't feminists either. If a girl on her HS graduation day says she wants to be a mother and a wife ... just imagine the SUPPORT and LOVE she will get from "feminists." Riiiiiiiiiiight. They'll tell her she's an idiot, backward, stupid, ridiculous, immature ... because family doesn't matter to today's feminists. And the responses to what I have just written will prove it.
Because in order to a be a feminist you MUST WORK.
Yeah, because what you think about feminism is actually what it is even though you are admittedly not one.
I am a woman. I don't want more than men. Many women today want to be wives and mothers and that is a great thing. I, admittedly AM a feminist so evidently you are wrong to think that all feminists believe all women MUST WORK.
They think it's is horrible because they do not understand the value of a happy family that spends time together.
It's amazing how many women "can't deal with kids" yet that is precisely what a mother does. She cares for her children. Yet today's women really hate kids. They do NOT want to spend time with them. It's the truth. They dump them at school, daycare, camps, relatives, etc. you'd think spending 8 hours with your own child was a death sentence the way they run from their kids, saying how unfulfilling and mind numbing it is. How it's MORE fulfilling to work. It reminds me of an episode of king of queens where the woman is asked why she doesn't have kids yet. She says she is concentrating on her career as a secretary. So ... filling paper and answering phones and getting coffee is more fulfilling than loving and teaching and raising a child? Yep.
It's sick and a mental disorder.
FYI - as noted, I am a woman. I am also a mother to two children and I stayed home with them for 5 years before going back to work.
I love my children and I value them as people and love being their mother. But they are not my whole life. It is kind of mind numbing talking to children all day everyday. Me being at work most of the day and coming home to them makes me very excited to speak to them (even though my teen is like pulling teeth to get him to talk versus my 9 year old if you ask her about her day she is a motor mouth and will not stop talking until you tell her lol - I love that about both of them BTW). Do you have children? Are you a woman?
I also am not a secretary. You seem to be stuck in the 1980s or something. I don't file "paper" any more either lol.
Your posts are making me think you're some kind of troll with the silliness level.
Women today have more opportunities than men. Feminists don't want equal. They want more.
It's why I am not a feminist. I think women/men should do what they want. So I am a free choicer. Not a feminist.
Most women aren't feminists either. If a girl on her HS graduation day says she wants to be a mother and a wife ... just imagine the SUPPORT and LOVE she will get from "feminists." Riiiiiiiiiiight. They'll tell her she's an idiot, backward, stupid, ridiculous, immature ... because family doesn't matter to today's feminists. And the responses to what I have just written will prove it.
Because in order to a be a feminist you MUST WORK.
In the 50s and 60s there was more to do at home than there is today. A lot of things were becoming "automated" though so it was getting boring and unrewarding to stay at home.
Used to be, men working the family farm or worked in a factory and the wife worked in the home. Except for the rich where the wife got an education and got to pursue her own interests in whatever she wanted to do--the arts, volunteer jobs.
But the average woman by 1970 didn't have much to do if she stayed home. Move the dust around? Press a button on the washing machine? Press a button on the dryer?
Sure, some women didn't mind watching tv all day long, but most women wanted to do something that they were interested in. They wanted to choose something other than housework and watching tv--women have interests too. It was called "women's lib"--they were liberated from being household slaves and they could work at whatever sort of job interested them. It wasn't about money until later on.
I think in general they were not isolated and the housewives were part of a community. They hung out with other housewives in the neighborhood.
In my house growing up with my stay at home mother there was always company. Mom cleaned the house well and entertained a lot. She always had cake and coffee ready and someone would stop by. She would bring me to other homes to play with their kids while the moms talked and sometimes we would all go swimming or to lunch or the park. I think they still do that now, with playdates.
We had relatives close by so we would frequently visit them. There was always a lot of food cooking any day of the week. We were all exhausted and full by the end of the day. One thing it wasn't was boring. My mother probably socialized with at least ten adults every day and kids played together, not bugging the parents to entertain them.
I think those housewives had it made, lots of socializing, raising their own kids and low stress.
I think in general they were not isolated and the housewives were part of a community. They hung out with other housewives in the neighborhood.
In my house growing up with my stay at home mother there was always company. Mom cleaned the house well and entertained a lot. She always had cake and coffee ready and someone would stop by. She would bring me to other homes to play with their kids while the moms talked and sometimes we would all go swimming or to lunch or the park. I think they still do that now, with playdates.
We had relatives close by so we would frequently visit them. There was always a lot of food cooking any day of the week. We were all exhausted and full by the end of the day. One thing it wasn't was boring. My mother probably socialized with at least ten adults every day and kids played together, not bugging the parents to entertain them.
I think those housewives had it made, lots of socializing, raising their own kids and low stress.
And what was their recourse if things weren't as peachy as presented?
I don't really care what they think, and I am not one to look back and say were better than or things were worse, but I can assure you life was simpler in the 50s and 60s, we knew what roll models were, divorce rates were not like they are today and families seem to be happier.
In the 50s and 60s there was more to do at home than there is today. A lot of things were becoming "automated" though so it was getting boring and unrewarding to stay at home.
Used to be, men working the family farm or worked in a factory and the wife worked in the home. Except for the rich where the wife got an education and got to pursue her own interests in whatever she wanted to do--the arts, volunteer jobs.
But the average woman by 1970 didn't have much to do if she stayed home. Move the dust around? Press a button on the washing machine? Press a button on the dryer?
Sure, some women didn't mind watching tv all day long, but most women wanted to do something that they were interested in. They wanted to choose something other than housework and watching tv--women have interests too. It was called "women's lib"--they were liberated from being household slaves and they could work at whatever sort of job interested them. It wasn't about money until later on.
I was a SAHM in the early 2000s and there was always something to do.
It was one of the reasons why I didn't like it.
I did have laundry where I pushed a button but I also cleaned my house everyday. I still remember my cleaning/chore schedule from back then lol. I mopped floors everyday, I vacuumed 3 times a week, I took my oldest back and forth to school, I volunteered in his classroom a couple times a week, I grocery shopped a couple times a week (I couponed extensively because it was a struggle for us getting by on 1 income, I got our weekly grocery bill down to $40-$60 a week for a family of 4! which I was proud of); I made 5 meals a day (main 3 plus 2 snacks - my husband always had dinner waiting when he got home); I paid every bill (my husband calls me his "accountant") I ironed all my husband's clothes, I did all the appointments for upkeep of the vehicles and house and our medical needs, I washed windows once a week (inside and outside the house weather permitting), I gardened and grew some of our food and flowers to make our yard pretty (I enjoy gardening so I really didn't consider it a chore except we had mosquito swarms all over the place in Atlanta lol); I dusted twice a week (baseboards, ceiling fans, and other crevices), we had a 4bd/3ba house and I cleaned bathrooms twice a week, I made sure my oldest got some exercise everyday so I took him to the park everyday; on weekends we went to some sort of learning activity every Saturday; he participated in extra curricular activites that I took him to (swimming jiu-jitsu, and wrestling) during summer we did a LOT of learning and physical fitness activities to where it was more tiring (museums, camps, art classes, etc). On top of all that for the majority of one year I was pregnant and exhausted due to pregnancy (I hate being pregnant); I nursed my youngest for almost 2 years after that, the first year was the most time consuming of course, she nursed very slow and I hate nursing (made me feel like a cow) but I don't trust formula and breastmilk is free.
But in general, my days were filled from 6:30 am to 8pm most evenings when the kids went to bed. Then women, those of us who value a good relationship with our spouses, we "entertain" our husbands in the evening, which for me as well is not a chore. But being a SAHM was exhausting. I get to sit down and gather my thoughts and relax more at work than I did back then. I do feel it is a good thing to be at home with the kids though and I loved being around them but kids grow up and leave and IMO it is better to have other things that you also love and develop a strong relationship with your spouse so you won't have too many 'empty" feelings when you finally become an empty nester. My oldest is 16 now and it has gone by very fast. I don't regret staying at home either with my kids during that time but wanted to note that even today being a SAHM is a lot of work.
Last edited by residinghere2007; 02-20-2018 at 08:33 AM..
FYI - as noted, I am a woman. I am also a mother to two children and I stayed home with them for 5 years before going back to work.
I love my children and I value them as people and love being their mother. But they are not my whole life. It is kind of mind numbing talking to children all day everyday. Me being at work most of the day and coming home to them makes me very excited to speak to them (even though my teen is like pulling teeth to get him to talk versus my 9 year old if you ask her about her day she is a motor mouth and will not stop talking until you tell her lol - I love that about both of them BTW). Do you have children? Are you a woman?
I also am not a secretary. You seem to be stuck in the 1980s or something. I don't file "paper" any more either lol.
Your posts are making me think you're some kind of troll with the silliness level.
This poster tends to equate women choosing to get a post high school education rather than get married 2 weeks after high school and start popping out children to "feminists don't support women choosing to become wives and mothers".
If my daughter had come to me after HS graduation and said "gonna get married next week' - or - 'I'm going to live at home and polish my nails until I meet a guy who will sweep me off my feet and take over caring for me as you have", I would have been disappointed (in the first instance) and laughed her out of the house (in the second case). I am a daughter of a (very traditionald SAHM) wife and mother, I am a wife and monther and my daughter is a wife and mother. No one discouraged us from any of this. The difference is that we now understand the criticality of growing up, getting an education and having a relationship where the partners are on equal footing.
Education and motherhood are not mutually exclusive thankfully.
I, as a feminist, supported my daughter becoming a wife and mother. I encouraged her to first grow up some, get comfortable as an adult human being, get an education and know she could support herself if she ever needed to. Strangly enough, the very same thing I told my son - and would expect of him if he were to tell he me hopes to become a husband and father. And this is representative of every parent I knew growing up and every parent I know now. Especially mothers.
Last edited by maciesmom; 02-20-2018 at 08:43 AM..
Will note, I have friends who are SAHMs today who also homeschool their kids. They are exhausted women and they appreciate the fact that I empathize with, respect, and understand the fact that the work they are doing is hard work.
Too often people think women staying at home are "pushing buttons" when that is not the case.
Even though my older kid was in school when I stayed home, I had to oversee his homework and he has always been an "I hate doing homework child." I also made him do a mini-homeschool in the summer so he wouldn't lose any skills over summer break (he did math work books and later on Khan Academy and I had him read two books a week and write a book report about one of them and he did a daily writing journal about his summer).
Those of us mothers/wives who take very seriously the job we do as wives and mothers don't sit around and watch TV. And IMO most women fall into the latter category.
It was very upsetting to my husband when I went back to work and had to stop doing so many chores around the house and for him in particular. I gave him fair warning that I would not be doing his laundry and ironing anymore but when I finally stopped doing it a month after warning him (and giving him weekly updated on it) he was very upset. But he finally went through his clothes and got rid of some even though I'd been telling him that he was making a huge burden on me with the amount of laundry he had (his clothes were over half of our laundry loads and that was something considering I cloth diapered our youngest child to save money).
Also, I went back to school when I was a SAHM and I did home based customer service for our grocery money 10-15 hours per week (also to ensure I had something on my resume for when I went back to work, we always planned on me going back we just didn't want our baby in daycare until she was over 2 years old).
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