So.. it's been a year. Recap. (Portland, Gresham: fit in, apartment, homes)

[turtleneck77]

First of all I'd like to say that I was very very very stupid, dumb and ignorant about the pre assumptions I had from what people had said to me about Portland. I hope that made sense. Anyways, my main concern was racism and to be honest I haven't experienced any. So that was a dumb concern of mine. I found a job in portland we live in a suburb. I commute everyday. I love it here. the scenery is nice. the weather is perfect. we're finally getting it together. we had a housing problem at first and ended up living in a yurt on a farm. sorta felt like I was living a dream. Working in Portland and going home to loud sheep, cows, and neighboring horses and howling coyotes. It was a good 4 months. then we had to leave and found an apartment. I feel like I'm much more happier here than in my ****ty hometown in the nyc metro area. people are nice here even if they're faking it i'll take it. both my husband and I are doing well and so is my son. we have it good. the thing is.... I have no friends and it sucks. So my only friend is my husband. He has friends but I dont. I was wondering maybe because girls are weirder in terms of making girlfriends. All my coworkers are girls but none of them have interest in being my friend outside of work and besides I dont find them interesting either. they're all from SE Portland and Gresham. other than that Portland's great and Oregon is awesome. one thing I noticed is that a lot of people think Portland is only white and I hate that, like it's a bad thing. Portland is pretty diverse actually. I see all kinds of people. there might not be a lot of interaction between everyone but at least we're co inhibiting. I'm actually surprised at how many interracial couples I see. I see a lot of diversity in the max and buses but thats expected. I work with a lot of people. I see more than 30 patients each day and none of them have been deliberately racist. I get a few @ss- holes here and there but that's normal. *******s are everywhere and we all have one. so yeah. that's that. nothing bad to say about my experience in Portland. don't plan on moving away or back. besides I have no other option but to live here.

[oldtintype]

You'll have the easiest time making friends if you get involved in something you're interested in. I don't know how old your son is but PTA/school events, film club, gardening club, cycling club, book club....you get the idea. Portlanders are not the most outgoing bunch. But if you join things you'll make friends.

Glad you're having a good experience here.

[Nell Plotts]

I agree, build relationships OUTSIDE OF WORK by participating in activities you enjoy. Start with children's sports and school activities, join a park bureau interest group, book club or a professional society.

[Larry Caldwell]

Originally Posted by oldtintype

You'll have the easiest time making friends if you get involved in something you're interested in. I don't know how old your son is but PTA/school events, film club, gardening club, cycling club, book club....you get the idea. Portlanders are not the most outgoing bunch. But if you join things you'll make friends.

Glad you're having a good experience here.

This. Oregonians don't make friends with neighbors, and rarely at work. You don't have any choice with either one. We don't want neighbors in our business, and 9 hours a day is long enough to see the people we work with. If you are musical, make music. If you are outdoorsy, join a ski club, hiking club, scuba diving or rock climbing club. Whatever your interest, there is a group for it. Get involved. Volunteer at a pet shelter, or a community theater, or a senior center, or wherever your age group and personality type gathers. There are sailing clubs that share boats on the Columbia. If you want friends, you have to go find your people. They aren't going to come to you.

[dent_arthur_dent]

Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell

Oregonians don't make friends with neighbors

Sounds like a BIT of a generalization. Anyone else able to confirm this?

[EnricoV]

While it is a generalization, I do think that people tend to make friends amongst people with common interests, rather than just a geographical chance.

But I do 100% endorse the ... you have to get out there and make the effort. Portland people will tend to just let you be.

[Leisesturm]

Isn't the whole "I don't have any friends here" thing an almost inescapable by-product of relocation? Especially a relocation like the o.p. has made. A little checking on the o.p.'s post history will tell you that she is Mexican, and in her own words, ethnic looking. Maybe its me, but I think if they had moved to Forest Grove or even Hillsboro, maybe then she would be the one with all the friends, and her husband would be writing the "I don't have any friends here" post on City Data. I do think, however, that if we are honest with ourselves, the real friends that we have are the ones we made in childhood or young adulthood. If we move away from them, or vice versa, replacing them becomes difficult, if not impossible.

My work acquaintances have been my "friends" since before I moved to Oregon. I don't agree that co-workers wont want to see you after work hours. They all wont, of course, but one or two will, and they can often become your best friend. The o.p. just does not sound like a sailor, rock-climber, skier or hiker, etc. I don't get a good read on what "friendship" really means to her. This is the age of unlimited cell phone plans and computer to computer or computer to phone communication (Skype). Staying in touch with a friend from back home has never been easier. I think the o.p. is homesick. Perhaps... just perhaps, the emotional connection between her and her husband is .... strained at the moment? IMO thats the place to start. When you relocate with someone you almost have to accept that they become your world if you move to a part of the world where they fit in and you don't. I know from which I speak.

H

[turquoise1]

Leisesturm, at the risk of repeating myself so many times that I annoy the entire forum (if I haven't already), my personal answer is "NO." There is a certain "polite frostiness" that exists in the Pacific Northwest. I understand that this is how many like it. Again, I do not think this is my imagination, as many other people have corroborated it. I understand that about half the people in this forum disagree with my assessment, which is fine.

I have made three good friends here - unfortunately, one moved away, and another is about to move to the faraway burbs. But both of these people were outgoing and friendly, without some higher-than-the-heavens criteria for friendships. With one (gasp!) we actually exchanged numbers the first time we met. Fancy that! And neither one of us are ax-murderers.

[EnricoV]

Originally Posted by turquoise1

Leisesturm, at the risk of repeating myself so many times that I annoy the entire forum (if I haven't already), my personal answer is "NO." There is a certain "polite frostiness" that exists in the Pacific Northwest. I understand that this is how many like it. Again, I do not think this is my imagination, as many other people have corroborated it. I understand that about half the people in this forum disagree with my assessment, which is fine.

I have made three good friends here - unfortunately, one moved away, and another is about to move to the faraway burbs. But both of these people were outgoing and friendly, without some higher-than-the-heavens criteria for friendships. With one (gasp!) we actually exchanged numbers the first time we met. Fancy that! And neither one of us are ax-murderers.

I don't believe there is any "frostiness." You may perceive it as such, because people don't act like people did wherever you came from. That doesn't mean they're frostier. They just have a different demeanor.

And categorizing the people whom you perceive as potential friends as having "higher-than-the-heavens criteria for friendships" is your perception. Maybe that's part of the problem.

[turquoise1]

You can agree to disagree with me, and that is fine. These are my observations, after two years here. I stand by my opinion.