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Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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OK so I have a confession to make, I have major baby fever. Hubby is in Physical Therapy school (he is nontraditional student) I am finishing my Master's this May...however we are still in a small space (apartment) but are househunting soon. I don't feel secure financially to have a child, but I know he wants one...I'm thinking 30 would be a good time to start...my good friend warned me not to wait too long though, she said 29 would be a good time :/ however I am concerned more for him I was told men's "sperm/swimmers" slow down by the time they reach 40...is it true? Can someone ease my pain? Should we consider children soon if our finances aren't in order, it is difficult
If you're unstable financially, no. Having said that, there are some people who feel that they are never financially stable enough.
What concerns me more is your previous posts about his treatment of you.
Tony Randall, who was childless during his 50 year marriage to his first wife, fathered two children with his second wife when he was on either side of 80.
I got married for the first time at age 45 to my much younger wife, we have 2 beautiful children aged 5 and 7 who were conceived on our first attempts when I was 46 and 48 years old. Was easy as pie and took no effort.
While you don't need a ton of money, be sure you have good medical insurance and a steady job. Diapers, formula, baby clothes, pediatrician, etc all add up.
OK so I have a confession to make, I have major baby fever. Hubby is in Physical Therapy school (he is nontraditional student) I am finishing my Master's this May...however we are still in a small space (apartment) but are househunting soon. I don't feel secure financially to have a child, but I know he wants one...I'm thinking 30 would be a good time to start...my good friend warned me not to wait too long though, she said 29 would be a good time :/ however I am concerned more for him I was told men's "sperm/swimmers" slow down by the time they reach 40...is it true? Can someone ease my pain? Should we consider children soon if our finances aren't in order, it is difficult
From a biological standpoint:
I got pregnant easy peasy when I was 37 and my husband was 42...first-time parents. And I even have a congenital uterine anomaly that often results in inability to carry a fetus to term...but things progressed without mishap.
But every person is different. Sperm motility can be an issue regardless of age, fertility issues can be a problem regardless of age. In my own family alone, my sisters-in-law both had to go through rounds of IVF to have kids in their twenties, and my sister and I conceived without intervention in our thirties. There's no rule of thumb that's broadly applicable. FWIW, sperm motility can be assessed if it's a genuine concern, it's just not always done unless problems conceiving have been established.
Worry less about what acquaintances are weighing in with, and discuss it with your OBGYN, if there are any concerns.
From a financial standpoint:
If you feel that you're too financially unstable, you may do well to heed that feeling. There are those who will tell you that you're "never" financially ready to have a kid (and some may be on this thread, I don't know, I haven't read any responses), but if you have a grip on your financials, you know how much extra your household has to play with, and there are extra costs that come with pregnancy and certainly with having a child. This can vary GREATLY depending on the tier of health care coverage you have. If you have a good handle on your finances and realistically feel there's no wiggle room, there's probably not. No, nobody is ever FULLY ready for having a child, even when they think for all the world that they are, you still have feelings of "I was not prepared for this!" But, that said, that's not a good reason to through financial caution to the wind. Becoming a family of 3 or 3+ comes with stresses in the best of circumstances, just from the enormity of the change. You don't want money stress to be there on top of what's already gonna be an adjustment.
We were homeowners, but in too small of a space. We lived in a house that was a great size for a single person (it had been my husband's house when he was a bachelor), doable but cramped for two, and really not so doable for two plus a baby and baby stuff, let alone when a baby grows into a kid. So we knew we'd be upsizing, and we knew we'd be able to do that, financially. I actually started graduate school right around the same time I got pregnant (didn't plan it out that way; we were trying, but assumed it'd take a bit longer...nope). So we're at one income plus the stipend I make as a grad student, but it's sufficient, given the cost of living where we are. My husband is actually a military reservist in addition to having a civilian career, so we have income from a few sources.
There are things about having a baby that you think going in are going to be super costly that don't have to be (diapers, accessories, nourishment all have the capacity to be quite spendy, but can actually be done quite inexpensively depending on the route you take), and other things that will be big costs no matter what. Health care above and beyond what insurance covers, in the event of certain extra care, etc. would be among these. Even something like an urgent care visit for, say, a three-month old who spikes a fever, can represent a major unexpected hit if it's not covered. The biggest thing, expense-wise, is to make sure you have good insurance.
Most people I know started around 30 and were fine. One, however started trying at 32 and was going infertile. You just never know. You should be fine, but nothing is 100%. I think 30 is a great age to have a baby.
No one can answer this for you because everyone is different. Some women have trouble conceiving at 23 and some women get pregnant on their first try at 40. It's the same with men, some men may have a low sperm count in their twenties where some men in their sixties easily make babies.
Anyway, I had my second child at 37 and my husband was 41. We had no problems getting pregnant and our baby girl is completely healthy.
Having said all that, if your finances are in order and your relationship is strong I wouldn't put it off too much longer if possible. If I had a time machine I would have had my daughter at 27 instead of 37 (I had my first at 17 and I wouldn't recommend that either.)
I think you should see your OB and have a fertility workup. Fertility does not last forever, and drops precipitously at 37, which comes faster than you would believe. Once you have a fertility workup you can use that information to sit with your husband and look over it, in combination with your finances to make a plan.
In my opinion, theres never a "perfect" moment, if you both want it now, try it, if you wanna wait, wait and when you feel ready, try.
I got pregnant without even trying (i was gonna start trying this month, but now im 4 months pregnant ) at the ripe old age of 34. If i had to believe everything that people said or whatever i read online, i would have thought it was IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant at first try (actually, without even trying) at this "old age" .
Actually, thats why ve were not very careful when i got pregnant, that was the FIRST TIME ever we did it in a day that could potentially be risky (was near the ovulation date), but it wasnt even the middle of the cycle, or the most risky days, and well, also considering im 34, we thought "what the hell, its not like im gonna get pregnant the first time i have risky sex at this age" and BOOM! I was pregnant just like that
Here we were, thinking we were gonna start TTC in april, with some luck concieve around november, and have a baby by mid-late 2017. And now here we are, expecting a baby for the beggining of october this year!
So, ill say, wait until both of you think is right, dont make desicions based on "fertility decline" cause you are really really young yet. When you feel is right, it will be. When we learned i was pregnant "unexpectedly" in january 30th, my husband started sobbing instantly (happy tears), cause, even if ideally we wanted to wait more, we were actually ready for it and wanting it!
I don't feel secure financially to have a child, but I know he wants one...
Your feelings are irrelevant at this point. If you can't afford a kid, don't have one. PERIOD. That being said, some people are too conservative about their finances and never feel there's a right time. Simple fact is that wanting a kid doesn't mean you can afford one.
The other thing is women with baby rabies always say "hubby wants one too lol!" but have you actually asked him? Not in passing while sitting at a bar or while on vacation or while you're crying about not having one, but have you sat him down and discussed in all seriousness when he would be ready for a child? This is incredibly important and rarely happens because the baby rabies make you think that he wants a baby too (or he was trying to not hurt your feelings during casual conversation).
TALK to your husband. You're not the only one who will be having this baby.
In my opinion, theres never a "perfect" moment, if you both want it now, try it, if you wanna wait, wait and when you feel ready, try.
I got pregnant without even trying (i was gonna start trying this month, but now im 4 months pregnant ) at the ripe old age of 34. If i had to believe everything that people said or whatever i read online, i would have thought it was IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant at first try (actually, without even trying) at this "old age" .
Actually, thats why ve were not very careful when i got pregnant, that was the FIRST TIME ever we did it in a day that could potentially be risky (was near the ovulation date), but it wasnt even the middle of the cycle, or the most risky days, and well, also considering im 34, we thought "what the hell, its not like im gonna get pregnant the first time i have risky sex at this age" and BOOM! I was pregnant just like that
Here we were, thinking we were gonna start TTC in april, with some luck concieve around november, and have a baby by mid-late 2017. And now here we are, expecting a baby for the beggining of october this year!
So, ill say, wait until both of you think is right, dont make desicions based on "fertility decline" cause you are really really young yet. When you feel is right, it will be. When we learned i was pregnant "unexpectedly" in january 30th, my husband started sobbing instantly (happy tears), cause, even if ideally we wanted to wait more, we were actually ready for it and wanting it!
Good for you! You learned the same way that I did, "Never say never." I got pregnant without even trying and while taking birth control in my 40s! Did you ever hear the warning that says "antibiotics may reduce the effectiveness of birth control pills?" Well, apparently its really true! Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope that everything works out well!
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) at the ripe old age of 34. If i had to believe everything that people said or whatever i read online, i would have thought it was IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant at first try (actually, without even trying) at this "old age" 
