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I wondered about them... it was my first meetup, but he is a regular in that group, and so were a few other people who RSVPd. Today I looked at the "past meetups" section and noticed he had rated a lot of meetups as 1 star because people wouldn't contact him, or would back out at the last second. So it seems to me he has a reputation within the group. I wish he would move on and find a group that embraces him more instead of trying to force himself on a group of people 20 years his junior, that he really has nothing in common with.
Thanks for the reply. If you are friendly (internet-speaking) with the others, you might want to run it by them to get their thoughts (and why they didn't warn you! )
Based on how you descibed you treated him, I don't think you should rack yourself with guilt. I can certainly understand you having the guilty feelings...but it sounds like you treated him well (even texting from the long line) and eased off gently.
If it still bothers you, maybe you can send him a message? Apologizing for dumping him, but honestly not having a good time, due to lack of commonality and/or compatibility. Don't look for a reply...in fact, I recommend deleting any that comes in from him...and just leave your apology as your final correspondence with him. Hopefully that will let you let go of any guilt.
I think you should forgive yourself. I'm an empath too. I feel for you in this situation. Ultimately, you need to get over yourself though. You're not Jesus. You don't always have to be a friend to the friendless.
You did what you did to make things better for yourself....nothing wrong with that.....he was a complete stranger....you owe him nothing...don't worry about it
I think you should forgive yourself. I'm an empath too. I feel for you in this situation. Ultimately, you need to get over yourself though. You're not Jesus. You don't always have to be a friend to the friendless.
Oh, I know that. I don't think of myself as holier than thou and above making mistakes. My line of reasoning is this: I feel very deeply - when someone does something like blow me off, ignore me, flake out, or just make me feel like I'm not worth anything to them, it really really hurts!! It hurts me more than most people, I'm a sensitive blob of goo. So by doing something that makes someone else feel that way, it brings up those same feelings in myself.
deecbee...do you feel like that even when they are a total stranger?...if so, that might be something you should work on to let go of.....when you allow what someone else says/doesn't say (especially a stranger) make you feel bad like that, you are handing over your "power" of "well being" to them....and that's not good for you ("it really, really hurts"),....I wouldn't give it too much thought....we can't always be walking on eggshells around other people because we feel we might say or do something to hurt their feelings....some times taking care of our own interests is more important than others....and there's nothing wrong with that....you just happen to be a very sensitive person.
deecbee...do you feel like that even when they are a total stranger?...if so, that might be something you should work on to let go of.....when you allow what someone else says/doesn't say (especially a stranger) make you feel bad like that, you are handing over your "power" of "well being" to them....and that's not good for you ("it really, really hurts"),....I wouldn't give it too much thought....we can't always be walking on eggshells around other people because we feel we might say or do something to hurt their feelings....some times taking care of our own interests is more important than others....and there's nothing wrong with that....you just happen to be a very sensitive person.
Well that is part of being an empath. I absorb other people's energy, both positive and negative, and take their feelings and their burdens on as my own. Even before I could walk, I was already crying over music that sounded "sad" or getting inconsolably upset over roadkill. If I see an adult stranger sitting alone, crying somewhere, it's hard for me not to cry. It sounds silly but it's real. It has always been second nature, so I doubt I can ever control it completely... but and at the end of the day, the positives of it outweigh the negatives. It happens with complete strangers, animals (I avoid those horse-drawn carriages that line up on 60th in NYC, it KILLS me because those horses are miserable), even being in certain rooms with certain types of lighting or layouts give me "vibes".
I've been able to get to the point where I can be assertive when it is necessary, and I no longer force myself into situations that make me uncomfortable just for the sake of the other person (as you can see by my original post), I guess I'm still having difficulty rationalizing it.
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Trust me, just apologize, it will make you feel better. Even if you don't want to make friends with him. It's this kind of thing which will make him bitter about people and cause more pain for people. Not entirely your fault, but be the bigger prrson here.
She already is "the bigger person here" Trimac20....and why should she apologize for being a very sensitive person?...why should she take on HIS insecurities (if he even has any)...there was nothing wrong with what she did....she was beholden to no-one...she has the right to leave any time she wants...without explanation...they're both adults...it's not her fault no-one else showed up, and it's not his....she wasn't interested in staying with him....he got the message....and that's the end of it.
That was a tough one.
On one hand that was messed up to ditch him...........On the other hand at least you text him with an excuse. My suggestion in the future, mix in an environment where you can meet lots of people. Next time you do a meetup, you want to make sure at least 40+ people have rsvp'd that way you will be able to mix with others. If it's a smaller venue you want to attend, don't rsvp, that way if you go you can decide if you want to mix with the group or not.
OP....you don't need to send ANY "excuses" to anyone...what the hey....is he a little boy who would go home crying to his mommy?....
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